Pun and Funny English
Part A

332. Quality is remembered long after price is forgotten. ~ Julian Morel.

333. If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? ~ Unknown.

334. Only the man who is below the average in economic ability desires equality; those who are conscious of superior ability desire freedom; and in the end superior ability has its way. ~ Will and Ariel Durant.

335. Life is not a having and a getting, but a being and a becoming. ~ Matthew Arnold.

336. If I accept the sunshine and warmth, I must also accept the thunder and the lightning. ~ Kahlil Gibran.

337. There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children: one is roots, the other, wings. ~ Hodding Carter.
● It's not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings. ~ Ann Landers,

338. To love someone is to stay close enough to touch, leaving space enough to grow. ~ Unknown.

339. A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. ~ Socrates.

340. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~ Aesop.

341. What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

342. Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in our own sunshine. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

343. For every complex question there is a simple answer. And it's wrong. ~ H. L. Mencken.

344. A narrow mind has a broad tongue. ~ Arabian Proverb.

345. Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly. ~ Louis Ginsberg.

346. When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~ Alexander Graham Bell.

347. Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer. ~ Charles M. Schultz.
● Go to bed a little smarter each day. ~ Warren Buffett.

348. Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. ~ Arnold H. Glasow.

349. The most important things in life aren't things. ~ Anthony J. D'Angelo.
● The best things in life aren't things. ~ Unknown.
● Die besten Sachen im Leben gibt es umsonst. ~ German saying. Translation: The best things in life are free.
● The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. ~ Mark Twain.
● View Overcoming hopelessness | Nick Vujicic | TEDxNoviSad. YouTube video, 14:53 min. Published by TEDx Talks, Oct 17, 2012.

350. People without hope for tomorrow have a very difficult time living for today. ~ Doug Kanney.

351. If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done. ~ Thomas Jefferson.
● To be is to do. ~ Socrates.
● To do is to be. ~ Jean-Paul Sartre.
● Do be do be do. ~ Frank Sinatra.

352. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. ~ Albert Einstein.

353. You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. ~ Beverly Sills.

354. To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might just be the world. ~ Unknown.

355. Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to become angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not easy. ~ Aristotle.

356. Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. ~ Will Rogers.

357. Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. ~ Buddha.

358. The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. ~ Elbert Hubbard.
● A man who has commited a mistake and doesn't correct it, is committing another mistake. ~ Confucius.

359. We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. ~ Thomas S. Monson.

360. Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible. ~ John Wooden.

361. Worry is as useless as a handle on a snowball. ~ Mitzi Chandler.
● Worry is interest paid on trouble before it falls due. ~ William Ralph Inge.

362. It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret. ~ Jacqueline "Jackie" Joyner-Kersee.

363. Don't count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count. ~ Anonymous.

364. Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are. ~ Henry Van Dyke.

365. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~ Dalai Lama.
● A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. ~ Steve Maraboli.

366. A difficult time can be more readily endured if we retain the conviction that our existence holds a purpose: a cause to pursue, a person to love, a goal to achieve. ~ John Maxwell.

367. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. ~ Albert Einstein.

368. Definition of Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

369. Definition of a Nillionaire: A person with little or no money.

370. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. ~ Unknown.

371. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.

372. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. ~ Casey Stengel.

373. To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To love and be loved is everything. ~ Unknown.

   

374. Church Bulletins as they actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Adapted from a variety of sources including Funny Church Bulletin Board Notices):

● The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

● The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

● Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

● The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

● Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

● Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

● For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

● Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

● The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'

● Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

● A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

● At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

● Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

● Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

● The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

● Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.

● The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

● Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

● The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

● Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

● Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

● Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

● Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

● The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

● Join us tonight for prayers, coffee and fresh beagles.

● Ushers will eat latecomers.

● The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

● The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

● This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

● Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor."

● This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

● The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

● The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

● Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

● The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

● Wrinkled with burdens? Come to church for a faith lift!

● This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

375. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. ~ Vivian Greene.

376. When we do right, no one remembers. When we do wrong, no one forgets. ~ Hell's Angels.
● Tell people what they want to hear and you can be wrong indefinitely without penalty. ~ Morgan Housel.

377. Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~ Bob Hope.

378. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

388. Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.

389. Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children!

390. Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. ~ Yul Brynner.

391. If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment. ~ Dave Allen.

392. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. ~ Milton Berle.

393. It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road. ~ Unknown.

Image source: Pinterest: Traffic Safety Guy

394. A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. ~ Steve Fergosi.
● How to stop drunk drivers from killing sober drivers? Ban sober drivers from driving. ~ Unknown.

395. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves. ~ Rev. William J. H. Boetcker, 1916.

On Welfare:
● You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
● What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
● The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. ~ Unknown.

396. Thinkers think and doers do. But until the thinkers do and the doers think, progress will be just another word in the already overburdened vocabulary by sense. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld.

397. There may be a time when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest. ~ Elie Wiesel.

398. I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. ~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth.

399. Don't go through life, grow through life. ~ Eric Butterworth.

400. The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions. ~ Alfred Adler.

401. Den größten Fehler, den man im Leben machen kann, ist, immer Angst zu haben, einen Fehler zu machen. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Translated from German: The biggest mistake you can make in life is always being afraid of making a mistake.

402. The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ~ Robert Byrne.
● The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. ~ Pablo Picasso.

403. To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one's own in the midst of abundance. ~ Buddha.

404. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~ Henry David Thoreau (American Essayist, Poet and Philosopher, 1817-1862)

405. Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference. ~ Unknown.

406. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pull off to the side of the road. ~ Unknown.

407. Nichts ist so beständig wie der Wechsel! ~ German saying. Translation: Nothing is as constant as change!
● The only thing constant in life is change. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld.

408. Few people have the wisdom to prefer the criticism that would do them good, to the praise that deceives them. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld.

409. To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld.

410. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond. By the end, you wish you had a Club and a Spade. ~ Aunty Acid.

411. A slave is he who cannot speak his thoughts. ~ Euripides.

412. Every end has a new beginning. ~ Carissa Ciciarelli.

413. Strange, Interesting Facts, and Useless Knowledge:
Note: Some of the following statements may or may not be true or factual. If they seem suspicious, check them out on Snopes.com.

● Each King on playing cards represent a King in real history:
♠ Spades: King David
♣ Clubs: Alexander the Great
♥ Hearts: Charlesmagne - Only King without a moustache on a standard playing card.
♦ Diamonds: Julius Caesar

● 50 'Weird Facts' About the World That Might Give You a Fresh Perspective by Jonas Grineviĉius and Austėja Akavickaitė, boredpanda, History, Science & Technology, Jul 4, 2023.

Miscellaneous:

● The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad.

● Samhainophobia is the the fear of Halloween.

● The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth is called Arachibutyrophobia.

● Alice in Wonderland syndrome (AIWS), also known as Todd's syndrome or dysmetropsia, is a neurological disorder that distorts perception.

● Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

● The typical lead pencil can draw a line that is 35 miles long.

● The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

● The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.

● 73 percent of people who buy flowers on Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 percent are women.

Plants, Food, Drink:

● Almonds are a member of the peach family.

● The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% of the world's oxygen supply.

● There are so many kinds of apples that if you ate a new one every day, it would take you over 20 years to try them all.

● Did you know that there is an actual phobia in which sufferers experience fear of seeing an empty beer glass? This disorder is called Cenosillicaphobia.

● Black pepper is the most popular spice in the world.

● Broccoli is actually a flower.

● Honey is the only food that does not spoil.

● Macadamia nuts are not sold in their shells because it takes 300 psi (pounds of pressure per square inch) to crack the shell. They are the toughest nuts in the world.

● Early dynamite used peanuts as ingredients. When dynamite was first produced, one of its ingredients was peanut.

● Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.

● Peanut oil was used to produce glycerol, an ingredient in nitroglycerin. Nitroglycerin is used in the manufacture of explosives, specifically dynamite.

● One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen.

● The first Jack O'Lanterns were actually made from turnips.

● Roses symbolize peace and war, love and forgiveness.
White roses are for true love.
Red roses are often considered the universal symbol of love.
Red roses are for passion.
Typical bright red rose indicates romance.
Pink roses symbolize gratitude, grace, and joy.
Purple roses indicate a fascination or adoration.
Purple roses are often associated with royalty and splendor and were often given to queens and kings.
Lavender roses mean "love at first sight."
Yellow roses are a symbol of friendship and caring.
Orange roses indicate enthusiasm and passion.
Brown roses convey a feeling of warmth, intimacy, romance and stability.
White roses are a symbol of humility, purity, innocence and in some cases, chastity.
Often referred to as the bridal rose, a white rose is associated with young love.
White roses are also a sign of respect or remembrance.
Since the blue rose itself is a rarity in nature, it symbolizes the impossible, or the unattainable.
Green roses are a sign of fertility, abundance and copiousness.
Black roses symbolize death and mourning.
Black roses are often used at funerals as they mean sadness, farewell, bereavement, loss and mortality.
Black roses are technically a very dark shade of red, purple, or maroon roses.

Animals, Birds, Reptiles, Insects, etc.:

● In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

● The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.

● A box jellyfish sting can lead to cardiovascular collapse and death within minutes, making it the most venomous creature on Earth.

● Goats have rectangular pupils.

Morocco Goat Tree
Image source: Insider.com

● Morocco tourist site where goats 'climb trees' may not be all it seems by Our Foreign Staff, Telegraph.co.uk, Apr 23, 2019.

● Chicks, like humans, count from left to right. Audubon.org: Birds in the News.

● The closest living relative to the Tyrannosaurus rex is the chicken. The Tyrannosaurus rex also shares ancestry with ostriches and alligators.

● An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

● Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Image source: Winkal.com.

● Cheetahs are the fastest land animal and can reach speeds up to 72 mph.

● One of the most dangerous insects in the world is the common housefly. Houseflies carry and transmit more diseases than any other creatures in the world.

● Scallops have up to 100 eyes around the edge of their mantles.

● Sea otters hold hands while they sleep, so they don't drift apart at night.

● A snail can sleep for three years.

● The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

● The bloodhound is the only animal in the world whose evidence is admissible in court.

● For more than 3,000 years, Carpenter Ants have been used to close wounds in India, Asia, Australia and South America. See 11 Biomaterials that can heal the human body. Including, yes, biting ants.

● At 188 decibels, the whistle of the blue whale is the loudest sound produced by any animal.

● A blue whale's tongue is bigger than an elephant.

● A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

● Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

● To swim with dolphins is inexpensive.
   To swim with sharks, cost me an arm and a leg. ~ Unknown.

● A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.

● If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

● Starfish have no brains. A starfish doesn't have a brain in its head like we do. Instead its entire nervous system acts like a distributed brain. Starfish from Wiki.Answers.

● A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

● 24 rabbits released in Victoria (Australia) in 1859 grew to a population of 10 billion in less than 70 years.

● When a male bee climaxes, their testicles explode then they die.

● A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

● Wombat feces are cubic.

● The poisonous part of chocolate for our four-legged friends is a chemical called theobromine. While harmless to humans, it can lead to epileptic seizures and death in dogs. Also, don't feed your dog with walnuts or raw onions. (See: What to Do if Your Dog Eats Chocolate and Foods That Are Hazardous to Dogs).

● The Basenji dog is the only dog that is not able to bark.

● Dogs and Humans are the only animals with prostates.

● Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

● A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

● A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.

● A duck's quack has no echo, and nobody knows why.

● A cockroach can live 9 days without its head. It only dies because it cannot eat.

● A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

● Difference between a spider and a web designer: A spider loves finding bugs in his web.

● "Arachnophobia" is an intense fear of spiders.

Image source: Joshua Bohl, Facebook 16 Jul 2019
A couple demolished their home in Renner, South Dakota

● Butterflies taste with their feet.

● A leech has 32 brains.

● Slugs have four noses.

● The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

● Mosquitoes pee on you when they suck your blood.

● A hedgebog's heart beats an average of 300 times a minute.

● A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

● Giant tortoises from the Galapagos can survive without food or water for up to a year.

● All polar bears are left handed.

● Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Hippos and Rhinos have only two knees and can jump. Elephants have four knees).

● Emus cannot walk backwards.

● Kangaroos cannot walk. They can only jump. (Ankle bones of Kangaroos have been adapted for bipedal hopping).

● Female kangaroos have three vaginas. Quora explains why.

● A new born kangaroo is small enough to fit in a spoon.

● Most tigers have yellow eyes, but white tigers usually have blue eyes, due to the gene for blue eyes being linked to the gene for white fur.

● The stripes on each tiger are unique, like human fingerprints.

● Just like housecats, the markings on a tiger's fur are also found on their skin, so even a shaved tiger would still show its stripes.

● Birds, reptiles and amphibians have varying number of vertebrae in their necks, but mammals, regardless of size of animal or length of the animal's neck, only have seven. As a rule, all mammals have the same number of vertebrae in their necks whether they are a giraffe, a mouse, or a human. Sloths and manatees are exceptions to this rule having abnormal numbers of cervical vertebrae.

● A chicken with red earlobes will produce brown eggs, and a chicken with white earlobes will produce white eggs.

Image source: Twitter - NPD Matt Powell

● All pandas are owned by China. China rents a pair of giant pandas out to zoos for $1 million a year for a minimum of 10 years.

● Did you know on the Canary Islands, there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing - not one canary there either!

● What do big corporations and mosques have in common? They both care about the prophet.

● What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed? He puts his pajamazon.

Business:

● Most valuable brands worldwide in 2022 from Statista. 1. Apple. 2. Amazon. 3. Google. 4. Microsoft. 5. Walmart. 6. Samsung Group. 7. Facebook. 8. Industrial and Commercial Bank of China (ICBC). 9. Huawei. 10. Verizon. 11. China Construction Bank. 12. Toyota. 13. WeChat. 14. Agricultural Bank of China. 15. Mercedes-Benz. 16. State Grid. 17. T (Deutsche Telekom). 18. TikTok/Douyin. 19. Disney. 20. Home Depot. 21. Ping An. 22. TaoBao. 23. Shell. 24. Bank of China. 25. Tmall.

● SPECIAL REPORT 50 Most Valuable Brands in the World 2021 by Grant Suneson, Special Report, Wall Street, May13, 2021. 1. Apple. 2. Amazon. 3. Google. 4. Microsoft. 5. Samsung. 6. Walmart. 7. Facebook. 8. Industrial & Commercial Bank of China (ICBC). 9. Verizon. 10. WeChat. 11. China Construction Bank. 12. Toyota. 13. Mercedes-Benz. 14. Tencent (QQ). 15. Huawei. 16. State Grid. 17. Ping An. 18. Taobao. 19. Agricultural Bank of China. 20. Home Depot. 21. AT&T. 22. Disney. 23. T (Deutsche Telekom). 24. Tmall. 25. Bank of China.

● The World's Most Valuable Brands 2020 from Forbes: 1. Apple. 2. Google. 3. Microsoft. 4. Amazon. 5. Facebook. 6. Coca-Cola. 7. Disney. 8. Samsung. 9. Louis Vuitton. 10. McDonald's. 11. Toyota. 12. Intel. 13. NIKE. 14. AT&T. 15. Cisco. 16. Oracle. 17. Verizon. 18. Visa. 19. Walmart. 20. GE. 21. Budweiser. 22. SAP. 23. Mercedes-Benz. 24. IBM. 25. Marlboro.

● The World's Most Valuable Brands 2019 from Forbes: 1. Apple. 2. Google. 3. Microsoft. 4. Amazon. 5. Facebook. 6. Coca-Cola. 7. Samsung. 8. Disney. 9. Toyota. 10. McDonald's. 11. AT&T. 12. Louis Vuitton. 13. Intel. 14. NIKE. 15. Cisco. 16. GE. 17. Mercedes-Benz. 18. Oracle. 19. Verizon. 20. IBM. 21. BMW. 22. SAP. 23. Marlboro. 24. Budweiser. 25. Visa.

● Top 25 Most Valuable Brands in 2018 by Ricky Singh, MBA. Top 25 companies with the most valuable brand value as of May 2018. Brand value refers to the financial assets of the brand while brand equity refers to the value of the brand to a customer. 1. Amazon. 2. Apple. 3. Google. 4. Samsung. 5. Facebook. 6. AT&T. 7. Microsoft. 8. Verizon. 9. Walmart. 10. ICBC. 11. China Construction Bank. 12. Alibaba. 13. China Mobile. 14. Wells Fargo. 15. Mercedes-Benz. 16. Toyota. 17. BMW. 18. Bank of China. 19. State Grid. 20. NTT Group. 21. Tencent. 22. T (Deutsche Telekom in Germany). 23. Shell. 24. Chase. 25. Huawei.

Countries, Places:

● If the world were 100 people comes from "visually by rockcontent". It was based on the population of Earth a few years ago at 7.8 billion. (As of November 30, 2023, there are 8,075,019,935 people on Earth, with a growth rate of 0.91% per year, 367,889 births daily, 166,467 deaths daily, and 199,375 population increases daily. ~ Worldometer).

● Out of 100 people:
11 are in Europe.
5 are in North America
9 are in South America
15 are in Africa
60 are in Asia
49 live in the countryside
51 live in cities
75 have mobile phones
25 do not
30 have internet access
70 do not have the availability to go online
7 received a university education
93 did not attend college
83 can read
17 are illiterate
33 are Christians
22 are Muslims (In 2010, 74% of Muslims lived in 49 countries, where they made up the majority of the population. By 2030, the world's total Muslim population is expected to increase by 35% over its 2010 level, to 2.2 billion people. Muslims make up about 26% of the world's population, an increase of about 3% from today's level. ~ WorldPopulationReview.com).
14 are Hindus
7 are Buddhists
12 are other religions
12 have no religious beliefs
26 live less than 14 years
66 died between 15 - 64 years of age
8 are over 65 years old

● Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.

● 90% of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents 70% of all the fresh water in the world.

● The driest place on Earth is in Antarctica in an area called the Dry Valleys, which have seen no rain for nearly 2 million years.

● Australia has 10,685 beaches. You could visit a new beach every day for more than 29 years.

● Toronto, Ontario, Canada was the first city in the world with a computerized traffic signal system.

● With 1896 km (1178 mi), the Yonge Street in Canada, is the longest street in the world.
Note from Wikipedia: "Until 1999, the Guinness Book of World Records repeated the popular misconception that it [Yonge Street] was 1,896 km (1,178 mi) long, and thus the longest street in the world; this was due to a mistaken conflation of Yonge Street with the rest of Ontario's Highway 11. Yonge Street (including the Bradford-to-Barrie extension) is actually 86 kilometres (53.4379 miles) long."

● The Canadian $2 bill (or $5 bill or $10 bill) depicts the U.S. flag flying over Parliament. (Not true! An American flag has never appeared on any Canadian Banknote. The flag on the $10 banknote, which might look like the American flag to some people, is actually the Canadian Red Ensign - Canada's old flag before the Maple Leaf flag in 1965). [Note: In Canada, the $1 and the $2 notes stopped being issued in 1989 and 1996, respectively, and were replaced with coins.]

● In Canada, Mexico, India, Russia and Israel, bank notes have Braille-like markings on them for the blind.

● The entire population of Canada (35,540,400 on July 1, 2014) has fewer people than Tokyo's metropolitan area (37,832,892 in 2014).
Metro area population of Tokyo in 2020 was 37,393,000, a 0.11% decline from 2019.
Metro area population of Tokyo in 2021 was 37,340,000, a 0.14% decline from 2020.
Update: Population of Canada: 38.25 million (2021). Population of Metropolitan Tokyo: 37.34 million (2021).
The metro area population of Tokyo in 2022 was 37,274,000, a 0.18% decline from 2021.
Current metro area population of Tokyo in 2023 is 37,194,000, a 0.21% decline from 2022.
Update: Canada's population reaches 40 million, Jun 16, 2023.

● The name "Canada" comes from the St. Lawrence Iroquoian language word "Kanata" meaning "Village".

● In Canada, polar bear swims take place on New Year's Day to celebrate the new year. People of all ages don bathing suits and plunge into the icy-cold lake water.

● The winter of 1911 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

● Residents of Churchill, Manitoba, Canada leave their cars unlocked to offer an escape for pedestrians who might encounter polar bears.

● Licence plates in the Canadian Northwest Territories are shaped like polar bears. (Yellowknife, NT is 1170 km or 727 miles northwest of Churchill, MB).

● Canada has the longest coastline of any country in the world.

● Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world's lakes combined.

● Wasaga Beach is the longest fresh water beach in the world.

● 20% of the world's fresh water is in Canada.

● 31% of Canada is taken up by forests.

● Canada is the World's most educated country in the world with over half of its residents having College degrees. 99% of Canada's population is literate.

● Some Canadian inventions include: Basketball, Baseball glove, electric wheelchair, telephone, electric cooking range, trivial pursuit, snowmobile and IMAX.

● Canada is the second largest country in the world.

● Canada has 6 time zones.

● Canadians spent $22.1 billion on alcohol in the year ended March 31, 2016, a rise of 3.5 per cent from the same period a year earlier. From the total, $9.2 billion was spent on beer (approx $324 per adult, which equates to 2.27 billion litres of beer), $7 billion on wine and $5.1 billion on spirits. The remainder, about $800 million, was spent on ciders, coolers and other alcoholic drinks. ~ CBC News, 2 May 2017.

● The USA bought Alaska from Russia for about 2 cents per acre ($4.74/km2). Treaty signed at 4 a.m. on March 30, 1867 with the purchase price set at $7.2 million.

● The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.

● More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

● The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

● All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the American $5 bill.

● An American dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

● In 1819, the USA purchased Florida from Spain for the cancellation of a $5 million debt.

● Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.

● If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

● In the United States, Maine is the only state which name is just one syllable.

● There are upwards of 61,000 people in the air over the United States of America at any time on any given day. This is due to the U.S. having the largest number of airports worldwide accounting for roughly 1/3 of the world's total airports.

● The shortest flight in the world is by Loganair, a Scottish airline. The entire journey between two Orkney Islands, Westray and Papa Westray is a 1,750 yard flight, which takes as little as 47 seconds or up to 2 minutes, depending on winds.
The longest flight in the world is Qantas' flight from Sydney, Australia to Dallas, Texas, a 17-hour flight which spans about 8,576 miles.

● There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

● The Palazzo, a luxury hotel and casino resort located on the Las Vegas Strip in Paradise, Nevada, is named the largest hotel in the world by the Guinness Book of World Records. Its total floor area covers 6,948,980 square feet (645,581 m2).

● Norway will allow any student from anywhere in the world to study at its Public Universities completely free of charge.

● The Netherlands is closing 19 prisons due to a serious prisoner shortage.

● The Waterloo Bridge in London, England was largely built by women in World War 2 and is nicknamed the "Ladies Bridge".

● China has more English speakers than the United States.

● Chopsticks originated from China approximately 4,000 years ago.

● In 1391, China began producing toliet paper for use by its Emperors.

● The only South East Asian country that has never been colonized by a Western Power is Thailand.

● Mongolia is the least densely populated country in the world with 1.89 people per square kilometer, or around 0.77 people per square mile, in 2014.
Macau (a Special Administrative Region of the People's Republic of China) is the most densely populated country/territory in the world with 54,882 people per square kilometer, circa March 31, 2014.

● Japan has approximately 200 volcanoes and is home to 10% of the active volcanoes in the world.

● At Japan's Yunessun Spa Resort, visitors can go for a swim in their favorite beverage, such as in the Japanese Sake Spa, Green Tea Spa, Coffee Spa and Wine Spa. A massive 2 meter tall teapot with real green tea, real coffee made with hot spring water, a huge 3.6 meter tall wine bottle with real red wine, a huge cask filled with real Japanese sake, pours out the desired rejuvenating elixirs into the spa.

● If you're drunk or violent in Japan, police will take a plastic sheet and roll you up like a burrito. After the wrapping, police will take the drunk or violent person to the station to let them calm down.

● 99% of Libya's land mass is covered in desert.

● The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

● Papua New Guinea (Ethnic groups: Melanesian, Papuan, Negrito, Micronesian, Polynesian) has the largest number of spoken languages (850 languages circa 2015).

● Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on two continents.

● The San Alfonso del Mar resort in Chile has the world's largest swimming pool. The pool is 1,013 m (3,323 ft) long, covering 8 ha (20 acres), containing some 250 million litres (66 million US gallons) of seawater, with a maximum depth of 11.5 ft (3.5 m).

Earth, Moon, Sun, Stars, Planets:

● Because it takes so long for their light to reach Earth, many of the stars you see at night are long gone.

● The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.

● The sun is 400x further from the earth than the moon, but the moon is 400x smaller than the sun.

● The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.

● Due to earth's gravity, it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.

● There is more fresh water under the earth's surface than there is above it.

● There is a glacier called "Blood Falls" in Antarctica that regularly pours out red liquid, making it look like the ice is bleeding. (It's actually oxidised salty water.)

● Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

● Venus rotates so slowly, you can watch the sunset forever just by walking.

● A comet's tail always points away from the sun.

● If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

● Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.

● A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun's surface.

● There are 500,000 detectable earthquakes in the world each year.

● The average cloud weighs over a million pounds. A single cloud can weigh about 550 tons or more.

● The largest snowflake ever recorded reportedly measured 15 inches across.

Famous People:

● Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w the film down so you could see his moves.

● Once Charlie Chaplin entered a contest for "Charlie Chaplin look-alikes" and he came in third.

● Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

● The month of October is not mentioned at all in any of William Shakespeare's plays.

● Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

● Canadians James Till and Ernest McCulloch are credited with the discovery of the stem cell.

● Insulin, a hormone produced by the pancreas was first isolated at the University of Toronto, Canada, in 1921-22 by Dr. Frederick Banting and Charles Best.

Humans:

● This is the year 2025. I was born in 1997. I've lived in 4 different decades, 2 centuries, and 2 millenniums. And I am not yet 30 years old. ~ Unknown.

● In 1567, the man said to have the longest beard in the world died after he tripped over his beard running away from a fire.

● A family of people with blue skin lived in Kentucky for many generations. The Fulgates of Troublesome Creek are thought to have gained their blue skin through combination of inbreeding and a rare genetic condition known as methemoglobinemia.

● Everyone has a unique smell, except for identical twins, who smell the same.
It wasn't until more recently that a credible study was done involving 10 German Shepherd canines who had received vigorous scent training and practice. The dogs came from three different Czech Republic Police Regional Headquarters ... In all 12 trials completed by the 10 dogs, each dog successfully identified which sample swab came from which twin. Fascinatingly enough, DNA tests could not even tell the differences between the twins, but dogs could. Dogs Discriminate Identical Twins.

● Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

● If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

● One out of 20 people have an extra rib. See Cervical rib from Wikipedia.

● Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour.

● The body's strongest muscle is our tongue. It is the only muscle in our body that is attached at only one end. Also, there are no two tongue prints that are alike.

● Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

● A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.

● It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

● Fingernails grow nearly four times faster than toenails.

● Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

● Women blink nearly twice as much as men due to the higher levels of the hormone estrogen within their system.

● Men are six times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.

● A U.S. park ranger named Roy C. Sullivan held the record for being struck by lightning the most times, having been struck and survived seven times between 1942 and 1977. He died of a self-inflicted gunshot in 1983.

● On average, lightning strikes Earth 100 times per second.

● What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? Answer: All were invented by women.

● Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart.

● Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side.

● Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

● Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you are not.

● It is impossible to lick your elbow. Note: This "fact" has been proven wrong. YouTube has since replaced old incorrect video with You CAN lick your elbow. YouTube video, 1:00 min. Published by Paszczur Paszczurnowski, Jul 16, 2009.
See also: Things Most Humans Can't Do (TEST). YouTube video, 12:12 min. Published by Good Mythical Morning, Mar 11, 2015.

● Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

● The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.

● Cells multiply by dividing.

● You replace every particle in your body every seven years. You are literally not the same person you were 7 years ago.

● Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

● Eyes are richly supplied with blood and nutrients and eye wounds heal quickly as compared to other tissues.

● Blue colored tissues exist under all brown colored eyes and there is a Laser procedure which can change the color of the eyes from brown to blue.

● The tooth is the only part of the human body that can't heal itself.

● The Romans used to clean and whiten their teeth with urine. Apparently it works. Please don't do it, though.

● A person's height is determined by the father, and weight is determined by the mother.

● Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

● If you weigh 200 pounds on Earth, you'll be only 76 pounds on Mars. You're not overweight, you're just not on the right planet.

● Intelligent life on other planets? I'm not even sure there is on earth! ~ Albert Einstein.

● The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as an encyclopedia.

● Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb.

● Though it interprets pain signals from the rest of the body, the brain itself cannot feel pain.

● Your brain uses 20% of the oxygen that enters your bloodstream, and is itself made up of 80% water.

● Like fingerprints, every individual has an unique tongue print that can be used for identification.

● The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood Plasma.

● There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing: food, attractive people, and danger.

● Our body gives enough heat in 30 minutes to boil 1.5 liters of water.

● If a part of your body "falls asleep", you can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.

● A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it has been decapitated.

● Corpses can get goosebumps.

● You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.

● We sleep 1/3 of our lives away. ~ Albert Einstein.

● Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.

● In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase: "Goodnight, sleep tight."

● The colder the room you sleep in, the higher the chances are that you'll have a bad dream.

● People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don't.

● It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.

● A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands. There are about a trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

● Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.

● If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

● Every three days, a human stomach gets a new lining.

● Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

● Humans are born with 300 bones in their body, however, when a person reaches adulthood, he or she only has 206 bones. This occurs because many of them join together to make a single bone.

● The average life span of a single red blood cell is 120 days.

● The most common blood type in the world is Type O. The rarest blood type, called HH, was first discovered in Bombay in 1952, and hence christened as Bombay Blood. People who carry this rare blood type, about 1 in 10,000 Indians, can accept blood only from another Bombay Blood type individual, and not from anyone who is O, A, B or AB type.

● The palms of your hands and the soles of your feet cannot tan, or grow hair.

● By 60 years of age, 60% of men and 40% of women will snore.

● By the age of 60, most people will have lost about half their taste buds.

● Half of all humans who have ever lived, died from malaria.

● The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.

● Laziness and inactivity kill just as many people as smoking.

● About one third of the human race has 20-20 vision. (Excluding those who had cataract surgeries).

● When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.

● The five senses: Virtually every child since the time of Aristotle has learned about the five senses in school. As it turns out, five is just the start: humans can sense much more than light, smell, sound, taste, and touch. We also perceive such essential qualities as temperature (thermoreception), pain (nociception), balance (equilibrioception), the position of our bodies (proprioception), the passage of time (temporal perception), and many inner states, such as hunger and thirst (interoception).

● If 33 million people held hands, they could make it all the way around the equator.

● See also: 51 Favorite Facts You've Always Believed That Are Actually False by David McCandless, Jan. 5, 2020.

Law, History, and Other Irrelevant Info:

● In California, it is illegal for a vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour.

● In Chicago, it is illegal for anyone to eat in a place that is on fire.

● In Devon, Texas, it is against the law to make furniture while you are nude.

● In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.

● In Miami, Florida, imitating animals is illegal.

● In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.

● In Oklahoma, it is illegal to make faces at a dog, a crime that could result in a prison sentence.

● In San Francisco, it's illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

● In South Carolina, it is legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.

● In Tennessee, you are breaking the law if you drive while sleeping.

● In Washington state, there is a real-life law stating it is illegal to kill bigfoot and other sasquatch-like creatures.

● In British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a Sasquatch or Bigfoot if one is ever found.

● In England, it is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the King or Queen upside down.

● In Germany, it is illegal to stop on an autobahn (expressway). It is also illegal to run out of gas on an autobahn.

● In France, it is illegal to name a pig "Napoleon".

● In France, it is stated as illegal to marry a dead person.

● In Switzerland, owning only one guinea pig or parrot is illegal.

● In Samoa, it is a crime to forget your own wife's birthday.

● In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be sentenced to death by firing squad.

● In Singapore, chewing gum is illegal. Spitting in public is also illegal and can result in arrest.

● In Bangladesh, children age 15 and older can be sent to jail for cheating on their final exams.

● In Lebanon, if a man is caught having sex with a male animal, the penalty is death. Sex with a female animal is okay.

● In Thailand it is illegal to step on money because it has the image of the king on it and stepping on it signifies disrespect.

● In Hong Kong, there's a law that allows a wife to kill her husband if she finds him cheating. However, she must kill him with her bare hands.

● The only two states where divorce is illegal are the Philippines and The Vatican.

● In Fiji, public nudity and topless bathing are illegal.

● In Saudi Arabia, there is no minimum age for marriage. In 2008, a Saudi court refused an 8-year-old girl, who asked for a divorce from her 58-year-old husband.

● The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

● The stethoscope was invented because a French doctor felt uncomfortable placing his face on a younger woman's chest.

● The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off.

● The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.

● The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

● The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

● If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

● The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

● In 1631, two London bible printers accidentally left the word "not" out of the seventh commandment, which then read, "Thou shalt commit adultery." This legendary book is now known as the "Wicked Bible."

Letters, Numbers, Dates, Language:

● Wordle - A FREE daily 5-letter word guessing game created (Oct 2021) by Josh Wardle, who named it "Wordle" as a pun on his surname. Born in Wales, Josh Wardle is an artist, product manager and software engineer in Brooklyn, NY. Each daily game uses a word from a randomly-ordered list of 2,315 words (out of the 12,000 five-letter words in the English language). You can play once per day. Simply enter a random five-letter word to get started. Letters are GREEN if they are correct, YELLOW if they are correct but in the wrong spot, or GREY if they are not in the word at all. Try to figure out the word within six guesses. Wordle uses American spelling. It is ad-free and free to play with no time limit.

The New York Times Buys Wordle by Marc Tracy, Jan 31, 2022. The New York Times Co. has announced that it's acquired Wordle for an amount "in the low seven figures." The Times said that the game will "initially remain free to new and existing players."

WORDLE Answers - Google Photos of some solved Wordle puzzles.

● In the English language, this word has only one vowel, which occurs six times: "indivisibility."

● The words "abstemious" and "facetious" both have all five vowels "a, e, i, o, u" in them in order.

● The word "queueing" has five consecutive vowels.

● There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

● The word incorrectly is spelled incorrectly in every dictionary.

● The word "SWIMS" upside-down is still "SWIMS."

● The word "WE" upside-down becomes "ME."

● "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

● Words that have no rhyme in the English language include: orange, silver, purple, month, ninth, pint, wolf, opus, dangerous, marathon and discombobulate.

● Someone said, "Nothing rhymes with orange." I said, "No, it doesn't."

● DINKS is short for Dual Income, No Kids.

● The pound sign (#) on the keyboard is called an octothorpe. (Technical term for a hashtag according to the Oxford English Dictionary; octo, in reference to the eight points in the figure, and Thorpe, from "the surname Thorpe.")

● The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog. ~ English-language pangram (a sentence that contains all 26 letters of the English alphabet). See List of Pangrams by Richard Rutter, Oct 30, 2014.

- Watch "Jeopardy!", Alex Trebek's fun TV quiz game. ~ English-language pangram.

- By Jove, my quick study of lexicography won a prize! ~ English-language pangram.

- Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. ~ English-language pangram by Mark Dunn.

- Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz. ~ English-language pangram.

- The five boxing wizards jump quickly. ~ English-language pangram.

● "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" is the longest word entered in the most trusted English dictionaries.

● "Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia" is the fear of long words.

● "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

● "Typewriter" is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

● The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

● The words "racecar," "kayak" and "level" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

● The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

● Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

The Germans got this right. The letter W is pronounced double V and not double U in German.

● If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

● The letter "J" does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

● "I." is the shortest sentence, and "I am." is the second shortest complete sentence in the English language.

● The abbreviation Xmas for the word Christmas is of Greek origin, as the word for Christ in the Greek language is Xristos.

● If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
Answer: One thousand.

● If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

● Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.

● To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

● Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing? Because 10+10 is twenty, and 11+11 is twenty too.

● Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.

● One barrel of petroleum holds 42 gallons.

● No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

● Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

● If you started working for a penny a day with the stipulation that your pay doubled each day, you'd be a millionaire in less than a month. (On the 21st day, you would be making $1,048,576.00).

● Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?

● Issued as Australian legal tender, the most valuable coin in the world is a $1 million coin made by Perth Mint, which weights one tonne and is 99.99% pure gold. It is actually worth almost $52 million ($40.8 million USD).

● February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

● If 2/2/22 (February 2, 2022) falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day." ~ Shucks, it falls on a Wednesday. February 2, 2122 falls on a Monday. February 2, 2222 falls on a Saturday. But we'll call 2/2/22 "2's Day" anyway.

● People born on February 29 are called "leaplings" or "leapers".

● April is the only month with an "i" in its name.

● A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

● A 2 x 4 is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".

● 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

● There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Science:

● The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that it breaks the sound barrier. The crack of the whip is actually a tiny sonic boom.

● Gold is the only metal that does not rust, even if it is buried in the ground for thousands of years.

● Almost all of the gold on Earth comes from outer space. It is actually a part of various meteors that have hit the planet over the first 200 million years of its life.

● Gold is the only metal in the world that has a natural yellow or golden color. While other metals might also turn yellow, this can only be done by oxidizing the metal or combined with other materials.

● Gold is a unique metal for having an almost unlimited number of uses beyond just being a monetary and symbolic commodity. It is also used for everything from electronics to medicine and even radiation. Gold can also be melted and repurposed as much as needed without losing quality or effectiveness.

● Gold is the world's most malleable metal, to the point where just one ounce of gold can be beaten into a 300-square-foot sheet thin enough to see-through.

● If you take all of the gold that was ever mined by people since the beginning of human civilization, you will end up with a box that weighs 187,200 tons (374,400,000 lb) and is about 21 cubic meters in volume.

Note: The North American ton (only used in the United States and Canada) is equal to 2,000 pounds or 907.1847 kg. It is sometimes referred to as the "short ton" or "net ton".

The British ton (Imperial system of weights and measures) is equal to 2,240 pounds or 1,016.047 kg. It is sometimes referred to as the "long ton", "weight ton" or "gross ton".

A "tonne" is equal to 1,000 kg. In the United States and Canada, it may be referred to as a "metric ton".

● Graphene, the world's strongest material, is a million times thinner than paper, but 200 times stronger than steel.

● Pearls dissolve in vinegar.

● Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

● Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

● The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Percy Spencer)

● Brass doorknobs automatically disinfect themselves in about 8 hours.

● Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.

● The more a person struggles to get out of quicksand the faster he or she will sink. Staying still, and being calm will actually make the body float in the quicksand because the body is less dense than the quicksand. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

Image source: WeirdFacts.org

Image source: WeirdFacts.org

● For more strange facts, check out Weird Facts
● 175 Random Facts So Interesting You'll Say, "OMG!" By Alex Daniel, Best Life, Mar. 19, 2021.
● 100 Totally Useless Facts That Are Too Entertaining for Words
● Totally Useless Knowledge
● The Official Useless Knowledge LIST
● Usefulness of Useless Knowledge
● Great Facts.
● A few interesting KickassFacts.

414. If you care too much about what other people think, you will always be their prisoner. ~ Unknown.

415. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. ~ Charles M. Schulz.

416. Be yourself, everyone else is taken. ~ Oscar Wilde.

417. Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else. ~ Judy Garland.

418. Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. ~ Claud Cockburn.

419. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ~ Helen Rowland.

420. A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her. ~ Helen Rowland.

421. Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. ~ Swedish Proverb.

422. Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible. ~ Corrie ten Boom (1892 - 1983).

423. Faith is to believe what we do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what we believe. ~ Saint Augustine.

424. He alone, who owns the youth, gains the Future! ~ Adolf Hitler, speech at the Reichsparteitag, 1935.

425. Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense. ~ Adolf Hitler.

426. People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do. ~ Adolf Hitler.

427. If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed. ~ Adolf Hitler.
● A lie told once is a lie, but a lie told a thousand times becomes the truth. ~ Joseph Goebbels.

428. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. ~ Confucius.

429. I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. ~ Confucius.

430. In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of. ~ Confucius.

431. It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them. ~ Confucius.

432. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.~ Confucius.

433. To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. ~ Confucius.

434. What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. ~ Confucius.
Do unto others as you would have them do to you. ~ English golden rule.

435. When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. ~ Confucius.

436. Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men. ~ Confucius.

437. Nothing is untouchable. ~ Michael Phelps.

438. May your troubles be less,
And your blessings be more,
And nothing but happiness,
Come through your door. ~ Irish Blessing.

439. May you have the hindsight to know where you've been,
The foresight to know where you're going,
And the insight to know when you're going too far. ~ Irish Blessing.

440. May your pockets be heavy,
And your heart be light.
May good luck pursue you
Each morning and night. ~ Irish Blessing.

● Never iron a four leaf clover. You don't want to press your luck. ~ Indian Hills Community Center.

441. May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live. ~ Irish Blessing.

● May you always have:
Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tires with air,
And friends who care. ~ Unknown.

442. May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you, and heaven accept you. ~ Irish Blessing.

443. As you slide down the banisters of life,
May the splinters never point the wrong way. ~ Irish Blessing.

444. May the roof above us never fall in,
And may we friends gathered below never fall out. ~ Irish Blessing.

445. May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
Slow to make enemies,
Quick to make friends.
But rich or poor, quick or slow,
May you know nothing but happiness from this day foward. ~ Irish Blessing.

446. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. ~ Sun Tzu, Chinese philosopher.

447. The more you know, the more you realize you know nothing. ~ Socrates.
● I am not young enough to know everything. ~ Oscar Wilde.
● The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know. ~ Albert Einstein.

448. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. ~ H. G. Wells.

449. Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations. ~ Edward de Bono.
● I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could remember where I hid them. ~ Unknown.

450. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ~ Albert Einstein.

451. There are no facts, only interpretations. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.

452. Try to learn something about everything and everything about something. ~ Thomas Henry Huxley.
● If you are not willing to learn, no one can help you. If you are determined to learn, no one can stop you. ~ Unknown.

453. Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.
● Be useful. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

454. If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. ~ J. Paul Getty.
● Take care of your cents: dollars will take care of themselves. ~ Thomas Jefferson.

455. Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. ~ Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle).

456. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. ~ James Branch Cabell.

457. A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. ~ John D. Rockefeller.

458. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. ~ Antoine de Saint Exupery.

459. In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience. ~ W.B. Prescott.

460. Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. ~ Voltaire.

461. Never mistake motion for action. ~ Ernest Hemingway.

462. Well done is better than well said. ~ Benjamin Franklin.

463. Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. ~ William Congreve (1670-1729). Spoken by Zara in Act III, Scene VIII in The Mourning Bride (1697).

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned. ~ William Congreve (in modern English).

Commonly paraphrased as "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."

464. Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. ~ Irving Kristol.

465. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. ~ Mark Twain.

466. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes.

467. Love is friendship set on fire. ~ Jeremy Taylor.

468. If you are reading it, it's History.
If you are hearing it, it's News. ~ 680 News.

469. Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. ~ T.S. Elliot.

470. Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. ~ Barack Obama.
● Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. ~ Leo Tolstoy.

471. It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Eliot.
● I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be. ~ Albert Einstein.

472. One person with a belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only interests. ~ John Stuart Mill.

473. Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy. ~ Wayne Gretzky.

474. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. ~ Confucius.

475. Respect yourself and others will respect you. ~ Confucius.

476. When anger rises, think of the consequences. ~ Confucius.

477. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. ~ Rick Cook.

478. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

479. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

480. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Statistics show that the people who have the most birthdays live the longest. ~ Larry Lorenzoni.

481. The mark of wisdom lies, more than anything else, in the ability to listen. ~ Buddhist quote.

482. A person's true nature is revealed at times of the greatest adversity. ~ Buddhist quote.

483. Remaining silent in the face of injustice is the same as supporting it. ~ Buddhist quote.

484. In the fight between justice and evil, taking a neutral stance and being indifferent is the same as siding with evil. ~ Buddhist quote.

485. A lack of gratitude is a sign of arrogance. ~ Buddhist quote.

486. Those who have suffered the most have the right to the greatest happiness. ~ Buddhist quote.

487. There may be a retirement age at work, but there is no retirement age in life. ~ Buddhist quote.

488. The day your horse dies and your money's lost, your relatives change to strangers. ~ Chinese saying.

489. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. ~ Chinese proverb.

490. A day of sorrow is longer than a month of joy. ~ Chinese saying.

491. Human rights start with recognizing the importance of every individual. ~ Buddhist quote.

492. Human rights, democracy and peace are a single entity. When one disintegrates, they all disintegrate. ~ Buddhist quote.
● Peace is not merely the absence of war but the presence of justice, of law, of order - in short, of government. ~ Albert Einstein, "On Peace".
● Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding. ~ Albert Einstein.
● All wars have reasons, but only peace makes sense. ~ Marco Tarquinio.

493. No human being can escape the eternal rhythms of life: birth, aging, sickness, death. The crucial thing is not to be defeated by them. ~ Buddhist quote.

494. The worst mistake you can make is to give up on yourself and stop challenging yourself for fear of failure. ~ Buddhist quote.
● The only sure way to avoid making mistakes is to have no new ideas. ~ Albert Einstein.
● You and only you are responsible for your life choices and decisions. ~ Robert T. Kiyosaki.
● The best decisions aren't made with your mind, but with your instinct. ~ Lionel Messi.
● Our lives will depend upon the decisions which we make, for decisions determine destiny. ~ Thomas S. Monson.

495. The greatest tragedy in life is not to die, it is to live as if dead, to let the life within us wither. ~ Buddhist quote.

496. Human beings are inherently endowed with the power to bring out the best possible results from the worst possible circumstances. ~ Buddhist quote.

497. When you hold fast to your beliefs and live true to yourself, your true value as a human being shines through. ~ Buddhist quote.

498. A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each other's hopes and dreams. ~ Buddhist quote.

499. It is important to remember that aging and growing old are not necessarily the same. ~ Buddhist quote.

500. For both victor and vanquished, war leaves only a sense of endless futility. ~ Buddhist quote.
● War is a defeat for humanity. ~ Pope John Paul II (18 May 1920 - 2 April 2005).
● War is when the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other. ~ Niko Bellic.
● War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. ~ Jimmy Carter.
● Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. ~ Ernest Hemingway.
● War is organized murder, and nothing else. ~ Harry Patch, Last surviving soldier of World War I.
● It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder. ~ Albert Einstein.
● I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. ~ Albert Einstein.
● How is it possible to have a civil war? ~ George Carlin.
● No matter what political reasons are given for war, the underlying reason is always economic. ~ A.J.P. Taylor.
● In war, you can only be killed once, but in politics, many times. ~ Winston Churchill.
● Those who are at war with others are not at peace with themselves. ~ William Hazlitt.
● You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war. ~ Albert Einstein.

501. Each religion can be made a force for good or for evil by the people who practice it. ~ Buddhist quote.

502. It is in the midst of suffering and hardship that strength of character is formed. ~ Buddhist quote.

503. Gold is gold, no matter how muddied it becomes. The truth always wins out in the end. ~ Buddhist quote.

504. The greatest and most enduring triumph as a human being lies in knowing that one is doing one's best. ~ Buddhist quote.

505. A genuinely happy person is one who has made others happy. ~ Buddhist quote.

506. Choose your thoughts carefully. Keep what brings you peace, release what brings you suffering. And know that happiness is just a thought away. ~ Nishan Panwar.

507. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

508. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~ Sam Ewing.
● Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

509. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. ~ Charles Schulz.

510. I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~ George Carlin.

511. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~ Robert Frost.

512. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~ Lucille Ball.

513. Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~ Leroy "Satchel" Paige.

514. In youth, the days are short and the years are long;
In old age, the years are short and the days long. ~ Nikita Ivanovich Panin.

515. Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~ Unknown.

516. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~ John Barrymore.

517. Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age. ~ Victor Hugo.
● Youthfulness is about how you live not when you were born. ~ Karl Lagerfeld.

518. The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. ~ Judith Regan.

519. The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. ~ Mark Twain.

520. Death isn't the end. It's just a change. ~ Dr. Shelly Sarwal, passed away on Aug. 31, 2018 at age 48. Her organ donation saved three lives and she donated her brain to research.
Take Your Love. YouTube video, 4:16 min.

521. What you cannot avoid, welcome. ~ Chinese proverb.

522. You are younger today than you ever will be again. Make use of it for the sake of tomorrow. ~ Anonymous.

523. As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. ~ Erma Bombeck.

524. Like a lot of fellows around here, I have a furniture problem. My chest has fallen into my drawers. ~ Billy Casper.

525. One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you've become harmless. ~ Liz Smith.

526. Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places. ~ Unknown.

527. We are always the same age inside. ~ Gertrude Stein.

528. It is not how old you are, but how you are old. ~ Jules Renard.
● Man ist so alt, wie man sich fühlt. ~ German saying. Translation: You're as old as you feel.

528. A man is as old as he's feeling,
A woman as old as she looks. ~ Mortimer Collins.

529. Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. ~ Henry Ford.
● Once you stop learning, you start dying. ~ Albert Einstein.

530. No one grows old by living, only by losing interest in living. ~ Marie Beynon Ray.

531. Speak clearly, if you speak at all;
Carve every word, before you let it fall. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
● Swiftest horse cannot overtake the word once spoken. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Four horses cannot overtake the tongue. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Water and words are easy to pour but impossible to recover. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Hateful thoughts lead to hateful words which ultimately lead to hateful actions. ~ Matthew Dowd.
● Look before you leap. ~ Idiom.
● Denke, bevor du sprichst. ~ German saying. Translation: Think before you speak.
● Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ~ Abraham Lincoln.
● It's better to be silent than be a fool. ~ Harper Lee.
● Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. ~ Proverbs 29:20.

Image source: TheThingsWeSay.com

Note: Almost all Chinese proverbs listed below can be expressed in just four Chinese characters.

532. An inch of time is an inch of gold, but you can't buy that inch of time with an inch of gold. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Time is an illusion. ~ Albert Einstein.

533. Facts beat eloquence. ~ Chinese proverb.

534. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. ~ Chinese proverb.

535. Every step makes a footprint. ~ Chinese proverb.

536. In the midst of great joy, do not promise to give a man anything; in the midst of great anger, do not answer a man's letter. ~ Chinese proverb.

537. If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. ~ Chinese proverb.

538. Better do it than wish it done. ~ Chinese proverb.

539. Better go to heaven in rags than to hell in embroidery. ~ Chinese proverb.

540. Think of your own faults the first part of the night when you are awake, and the faults of others the latter part of the night when you are asleep. ~ Chinese proverb.

541. Not only can water float a boat, it can sink it also. ~ Chinese proverb.

542. Rivers and mountains may change; human nature, never. ~ Chinese proverb.

543. A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. ~ Chinese proverb.

544. Learning is weightless - a treasure you can always carry easily. ~ Chinese proverb.

545. Learning is a treasure no thief can touch. ~ Chinese proverb.

546. If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people. ~ Chinese proverb.

547. It is harder to be poor without complaining than to be rich without boasting. ~ Chinese proverb.

548. He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever. ~ Chinese proverb.

549. Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die. ~ English saying, originally from the Bible, Ecclesiastes VIII 15, King James Version.

550. Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians. ~ Chinese proverb.

551. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. ~ Chinese proverb.

552. Wedlock is a padlock. ~ Chinese proverb.

553. Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. ~ Chinese proverb.

554. Don't count your chickens before they are hatched. ~ Chinese / English proverb.

555. The woman who tells her real age is either too young to have anything to lose, or too old to have anything to gain. ~ Chinese saying.

556. The less power a man has, the more he likes to use it. ~ Chinese proverb.

557. If you are standing upright, don't worry if your shadow is crooked. ~ Chinese proverb.
● I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees. ~ Euripides.

558. Easier to bend the body than the will. ~ Chinese proverb.

559. A rumour goes in one ear and out many mouths. ~ Chinese proverb.

560. Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. ~ Chinese proverb.
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. ~ English idiom.
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. ~ English idiom.

561. Virtue practiced to be seen is not real virtue; vice which fears to be seen is real vice. ~ Chinese proverb.

562. The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure. ~ Chinese proverb.

563. Judge not the horse by its saddle. ~ Chinese proverb.
Don't judge a book by its cover. ~ English idiom.
You should never judge a book by its cover. Down Syndrome Passenger Rejected. YouTube video, 4:22 min. Published by Dhar Mann, Jun 28, 2021.

564. When you respect others, others will respect you.
When you despise others, others will come to despise you.
When you change, the world around you will change. ~ Buddhist quote.

Image source: Facebook Buddhism Page

565. A single word can scar another. ~ Buddhist quote.

566. The important thing is not just to sympathize with or to pity others, but to really understand what they're going through. Empathy is crucial. ~ Buddhist quote.

567. Be not disturbed at being misunderstood; be disturbed at not understanding. ~ Chinese proverb.

568. Hatred corrodes the vessel in which it is stored. ~ Chinese proverb.

569. I dreamed a thousand new paths, I awoke and walked my old one. ~ Chinese saying.

570. None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~ Henry David Thoreau.

571. If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through. ~ Chinese proverb.

572. You cannot lose what you never had. ~ Chinese proverb.

573. The error of one moment becomes the sorrow of a lifetime. ~ Chinese proverb.

574. We can study until old age and still not finish. ~ Chinese proverb.

575. Even a hare will bite when it is cornered. ~ Chinese proverb.
● A drowning man will clutch at a straw. ~ English proverb.
● Even a worm will turn. ~ From William Shakespeare's play Henry VI, Part 3.

576. Cheap things are not good, good things are not cheap. ~ Chinese saying.
● Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people. ~ Warren Buffett.

577. Failing to plan is planning to fail. ~ Chinese saying.
● He who fails to plan is planning to fail. ~ Winston Churchill during World War II.
● The general who wins the battle makes many calculations in his temple before the battle is fought. The general who loses makes but few calculations beforehand. ~ Sun Tzu.

578. Everyone pushes a falling fence. ~ Chinese saying.
● Don't kick a man when he's down. ~ English idiom.

579. If you want happiness for an hour - take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day - go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month - get married.
If you want happiness for a year - inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime - help others. ~ Chinese Proverb.

580. Losing comes of winning money. ~ Chinese saying.
● On investing in the stock market: Selling your winners and holding your losers is like cutting the flowers and watering the weeds. ~ Peter Lynch.

581. Transgressions should never be forgiven a third time. ~ Chinese saying.

582. Defer not till tomorrow what may be done today. ~ Chinese saying.

583. A courageous foe is better than a cowardly friend. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Make yourselves sheep and the wolves will eat you. ~ Benjamin Franklin.

584. You want no one to know it? Then don't do it. ~ Chinese saying.

585. Happy people never count hours as they pass. ~ Chinese saying.

586. A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. ~ Chinese saying.

587. Do not all you can; spend not all you have; believe not all you hear; and tell not all you know. ~ Chinese saying.

588. A bad workman blames his tools. ~ Chinese saying.

589. Corporations have neither bodies to be punished nor souls to be damned. ~ Chinese saying.

590. If you suspect a man, don't employ him; and if you employ him, don't suspect him. ~ Chinese saying.

591. A clever person turns great troubles into little ones and little ones into none at all. ~ Chinese saying.

Image source: Temu.com

592. Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~ Roger Caras.

Image source: dopl3r.com

593. Everything I need to know I learned from my dog: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. ~ Anonymous.

594. A husband complains to a marriage counselor: "When we were first married, I would come home from work, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years, it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."   "Why complain?" says the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

595. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~ Franklin P. Jones.

596. If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. ~ Unknown.

Image source: SadAndUseless.com

597. Dogs have so many friends because they wag their tails, not their tongues. ~ Chinese saying.
● Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail. ~ Richard Friedman.

598. A dog won't forsake his master because of poverty; a son never deserts his mother because of her homely appearance. ~ Chinese saying.

Tribute to a Dog by George Graham Vest (1830-1904).

Photos and stories about a dog named "Fido" [Example of Loyalty] in Italy as well as a dog named "Patsy Ann" in Juneau have been moved to the Virtual Library under Dewey Decimal 636.7 Dogs.

599. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. ~ Andy Rooney.
● The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. ~ Mark Twain.
● Lock your friend in a closet and your dog in another closet. Come back in 3 days and see which one is happy to see you! ~ Larry F. from Alaska.

600. Semper Fidelis. ~ Latin for "Always Faithful" or "Always Loyal", motto of the United States Marine Corps, sometimes shortened to Semper Fi.
● You don't earn loyalty in a day. You earn loyalty day-by-day. ~ Jeffrey Gitomer.

601. Better go than send. ~ Chinese saying.

602. If you can't change your fate, change your attitude. ~ Chinese proverb.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. ~ Maya Angelou.

602. A man must first become despicable before he is despised. ~ Chinese proverb.

603. There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. ~ Chinese saying.

604. Once bitten by a snake, a person is frightened at the mere sight of a rope for a lifetime. ~ Chinese saying.
● Once bitten, twice shy. ~ English idiom.

605. A smile will gain you ten more years of life. ~ Chinese saying.

See also: House Rules.

606. There are always ears on the other side of the wall. ~ Chinese saying.

607. Follow the local custom when you enter a village. ~ Chinese proverb.
● When in Rome, do as the Romans do. ~ English idiom.
● Andere Länder, andere Sitten. (Translated: Other countries, other manners.) ~ German saying.

608. Tens of thousands of bones will become ashes when one general achieves his fame. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Kill one man and you're a murderer. Kill a million and you're a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand.

609. Attack is the best defence. ~ Chinese proverb.
● The best defense is a good offense. ~ English saying.

610. If you are in a hurry you will never get there. ~ Chinese proverb.
● More haste, less speed. ~ English idiom.

611. Your neigbour's wife looks prettier than your own. ~ Chinese proverb.
● The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. ~ English proverb.

612. Strike while the iron is hot. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Man muss das Eisen schmieden, solange es heiß ist. (Translated: One should strike while the iron's hot.) ~ German saying.
● Make hay while the sun shines. ~ English idiom.

613. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

614. Kill two eagles with one arrow. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Kill two birds with one stone. ~ English idiom.

615. I changed my iPad name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

616. I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. ~ Arthur C Clarke.

617. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

618. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

619. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

620. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

621. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
● People don't sympathize when your books fall to the floor because you have only your shelf to blame.

622. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

623. They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

624. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

625. Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

626. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

627. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

628. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

629. I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

630. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

631. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

632. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

633. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

634. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
● My job search
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice Factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it as it was just a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any which way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was as a Musician, but eventually learned that I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied for a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.
9. Next, I got a job working in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized that there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
15. So, I tried Retirement and found that I'm perfect for the job. The only trouble is that I never get a day off.

635. Cartoonist found dead, details are sketchy.

636. Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

637. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

638. iCame, iSaw, iConquered. ~ "Steve Jobs" from Joe Heller's cartoon. Computer language translated into Latin: veni vidi vici.

Google image from designyoutrust.com, 2011

639. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. ~ Steve Jobs.
● In the world of business, the people who are most successful are those who are doing what they love. ~ Warren Buffet.

640. Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower. ~ Steve Jobs.
● Be a voice not an echo. ~ Albert Einstein.

641. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. ~ Steve Jobs.

642. My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. ~ Jack Layton (August 20, 2011) Letter to Canadians.
● Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. ~ Helen Keller.

Dying To Be Me:
My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing
by Anita Moorjani #Ad

643. Anita Moorjani, author of the book "Dying To Be Me". Anita Moorjani is a living proof that this is real: "Love yourself. You start by loving yourself. Life is a gift. It really is a gift. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Find your joy, and live your life with passion every day. Live it fully. You don't have to fear death."

644. GRATITUDE:
I would like to give a shoutout to:
My spine for always having my back.
My eyes for always looking out for me.
My arms for always being by my side.
My legs for always standing up for me.
My fingers, I can always count on them.
My voice for always speaking up for me, and
Finally, the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets. ~ Ayub Mehta, East Credit, ON Canada and Others.
● Want to be happy? Be grateful | David Steindl-Rast. YouTube video, 14:30 min. Published by TED, Nov 27, 2013. "The one thing all humans have in common is that each of us wants to be happy, says Brother David Steindl-Rast, a monk and interfaith scholar. And happiness, he suggests, is born from gratitude. An inspiring lesson in slowing down, looking where you're going, and above all, being grateful."
● Gratitude Meditation❤️ 21 Day Transformation ❤️ ️ 432 HZ. YouTube video, 12:31 min. Published by Jessica Heslop - Manifest by Jess, Jul 23, 2019. "Raise your vibration in mere minutes with this beautiful Gratitude Meditation - a powerful series of gratitude affirmations carefully-crafted to help you to manifest the life of your dreams. Listen to this EVERY DAY for 21 DAYS and you will see your world transform!"
● A Gratitude List Will Change Everything! Bob Proctor . YouTube video, 4:20 min. Published by Proctor Gallagher Institute, Nov 19, 2019. "I recommend making a list of the things you are grateful for - your family, a promotion, your home - each morning or evening."
● Gratitude Affirmations * Daily Affirmations to Attract Positivity & Abundance. YouTube video, 13:46 min. Published by Lavendaire, Aug 27, 2023. "Powerful positive affirmations for gratitude and thankfulness. Listen to these affirmations daily for 21 days to reprogram your mind for positive thinking - Listen while you sleep, or as morning affirmations. Repeating 'I am' affirmations is intended to utilize law of attraction, raise your vibration, release negative thoughts, and encourage a positive mindset in your life."
● Gratitude List: 200+ Things to Be Grateful For by Rachel Sharpe, declutterthemind.com, Jan 16, 2025.
● Gratitude List: 200 Things to Be Grateful For. Generated by AI on Brave Search, Jun 9, 2025.
● How to Make a Gratitude List. Co-authored by Sandra Possing, wikiHow, Oct 5, 2020. If you want to feel more optimistic and lead a more mindful lifestyle, making gratitude lists might be a great exercise for you ... After a few weeks, you may start noticing the positive changes in your life.

645. Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

646. Egotist: A person who is usually me-deep in conversation.

647. Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. .

648. Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.

649. Raisin: A grape with a sunburn.

650. Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.

651. Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
● Postherpectic Neuralgia (PHN): Pain that is like the pain of cancer but without the relief of death. ~ Unknown doctor.
● There is no gains without pain. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
● Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~ Haruki Murakami.
● There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief. ~ Aeschylus.
● Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain. ~ Robert E. Lee.
● Nature is neither pleasant nor painful. It is all intelligence and beauty. Pain and pleasure are in the mind. ~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj.
● Nichts tut für immer weh! Translation from German: Nothing hurts forever!
● Pain is never permanent. ~ Teresa of Avila.
● All things pass and pain is temporary. It comes to teach a lesson and when the lesson is understood, it disappears into the night. ~ Leon Brown.
● It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. ~ Rose Kennedy.

652. Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

653. Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed without a word.

654. Wrinkles: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

655. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. ~ C.S. Lewis.

656. Zuviel Demut ist Hochmut. ~ Sprichwort.
Translated from German: Too much humility is pride. ~ German proverb.

657. Lost time can never be found. ~ Unknown. Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.

658. Out of the mouths of babes (oft times come gems). ~ English saying.

Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings. ~ Matthew 21:16 and Psalm 8:2.

Kids Say the Darndest Things. ~ American comedy series hosted by Bill Cosby, 1995, 1998-2000.

659. James (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

Baby Reads Funny Story to Daddy. Hilarious video from YouTube, 1:14 min. (bebe-leyendo-baby reading and laughing with her Daddy).

660. Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly. ~ Sam Keen.

661. There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination, only one side gets what it wants; by compromise, neither side gets what it wants; by integration, we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish. ~ Mary Parker Follett.

662. The way you get to know yourself is by the expression on other people's faces. ~ Gil Scott Heron.

663. Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not. ~ Oprah Winfrey.

663. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. ~ Mark Twain.

664. When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free. ~ Charles Evan Hughes.

665. To change who you are, change who you think you are. ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie.

666. If Christianity is wine and Islam coffee, Buddhism is most certainly tea. ~ Alan Watts.

Jean Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?" ~ Unknown.

Life Is Like a Cup of Coffee. YouTube video, 3:31 min. Published by Chris Cade, Feb 6, 2009.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything!
Live simply. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Love generously.

Life is like coffee. YouTube video, 3:13 min. Published by Ozarks Sentinel, May 23, 2013.

667. A positive mind finds a way it can be done; a negative mind looks for all the ways it can't be done. ~ Napoleon Hill.

668. What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. ~ Napoleon Hill.
If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it. ~ Jesse Jackson.

669. What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~ Gene Perret.

670. A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. ~ Unknown.

671. No rain, no rainbows. ~ Unknown.

672. There are two ways to be rich - Make more or desire less. ~ Unknown.

673. He who dies with the most toys, still dies. ~ Unknown.

674. Arguing with a fool proves there are two. ~ Alex Ferman.

675. Live like it's your last day, work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, sing like nobody's listening, and dance like nobody's watching. ~ Mark Twain or Satchel Paige and others.

676. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~ Phyllis Diller.

677. A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. ~ Phyllis Diller.

678. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ~ Phyllis Diller.

679. If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. ~ Phyllis Diller.

680. Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. ~ Phyllis Diller.

681. Only the dead have seen the end of war. ~ Translated from German saying: Nur die Toten haben das Ende des Krieges gesehen.
● History is written by the winners. ~ Translated from German saying: Die Geschichte wird von den Siegern geschrieben.

682. On the difference between the words COMPLETE and FINISHED:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!" ~ Samsundar Balgobin (Linguist from Guyana).

683. Newspaper Bloopers and Funnies: Newspaper Headline Goofs, Funny News Headlines, 50 Fun Headlines From Local News That Are Unhinged And Bizarre by Adelaide Ross, Austėja Akavickaitė, and Beverly Noronha, Bored Panda.
● Homicide victims rarely talk to police.
● Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.
● Pregnant girls are vulnerable to weight gain.
● Diana was still alive hours before she died.
● 17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree.
● USED TOMBSTONE, perfect for someone named HoenerHendelBergenHeinzel. One only.
● Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee.
● Man competent enough to be declared insane.
● Former potato chip factory burned to a crisp.
● Include Your Children When Baking Cookies.
● Students cook and serve grandparents.
● Parents keep kids home to protest school closure.
● Sisters reunited in checkout line after 18 years at supermarket.
● Barbershop singers bring joy to school for deaf.
● Overall, serious crime rate down; but arsons, burglaries, homicides up.
● Body In Duffel Bag; May Be Homicide.
● Psychic arrested again - still didn't see it coming.
● Florida man Tasered in eyeball outside bar called "One Eye Jack's".
● Drunk Gets 9 Months in Violin Case.
● Jail time can hinder job hunt.
● Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney.
● Lawyers back despite use of bug spray.
● Alton attorney accidentally sues himself.
● Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons.
● Man tries armed robbery with knife in gun store. (A 57-year-old Greenfield man was shot in the chest Thursday during an armed robbery attempt at Buckhorn Guns).
● Fireman giving 'kiss of life' accidentally inhales kitty.
● Hospitals resort to hiring doctors.
● Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose. (Newpaper headline from Canada).
● To Avoid Snakebites, Avoid Bothering Snakes.
● Tortoise Theft Leaves Owner Shell-Shocked.
● Man with nothing to declare had 55 tortoises in his pants.
● A good joke can catch a thief. (April 7, 2016 Funny Police Logs - Oak Hill, Ohio: An elderly couple in the community called police after they discovered a thief in their house. Police say the man told a joke to his wife, and heard a strange laugh coming from upstairs. The burglar was arrested and there was no damage.)
● Baltimore City: 52 foot officers to patrol violent neighborhoods.
● Texans support death penalty, but only for the guilty.
● How to Buy a $450,000 Home for Only $750,000.
● Slowdown continues to accelerate.
● Senior Center holds Old Bag Sale.
● Rooms with broken air conditioners are hot.
● Dead pet should not be stored with food.
● Food linked to all eating disorders.
● Greenland meteorite may be from space.
● China may be using sea to hide its submarines.
● Strong wind blows Fiddler off the roof.
    (George Fiddler is a parks and recreation department employee).
● 'We hate math,' say 4 in 10 - a majority of Americans.
● Quintuplets born 15 months early.
● Couple wed Christmas Day 60 decades ago.
● Fisherman arrested for using wife as shark bait.
● Lost language found, but no one can read it.
● Psychics predict world didn't end yesterday.

684. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~ Mark Twain.
Watch: The Night Trial in New York in 1935 - Based on a true story. YouTube video, 3:43 min.

685. Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~ Dalai Lama.
● Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle. ~ Plato.

686. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. ~ James Keller and/or Erin Majors.

687. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. ~ Unknown.

688. Once you carry your own water, you will learn the value of every drop. ~ Unknown.

689. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. ~ Albert Einstein.

690. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~ Will Rogers.

691. In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. ~ Charles M. Schulz.

692. Great things are done by a series of small things brought together. ~ Vincent Van Gogh.

693. Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's the gospel. ~ Michael Jackson.

694. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. ~ Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943.

695. There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. ~ Ken Olson, founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

696. The things we truly love stay with us always, locked in our hearts as long as life remains. ~ Josephine Baker.

697. Ignorance is bliss. ~ From Thomas Gray's poem Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College (1742): "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise."

698. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. ~ From Alexander Pope's An Essay on Criticism (1709) Part II. "A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring."

699. To err is human, to forgive divine. ~ From Alexander Pope's poem: An Essay on Criticism (1709) Part II.

Related resources:
● 50 Brain Teasers and Lateral Thinking Puzzles compiled by David Koutsoukis.
● Familiar Quotations: A Collection of Passages, Phrases, and Proverbs Traced to Their Sources in Ancient and Modern Literature compiled by John Bartlett.
● Brainy Quote. Huge collection of Famous Quotes, Quote of the Day, Topics, Authors, Pictures, Words, Quiz, Professions, Birthdays.
● A Collection of Terrible Puns by Will Styler, Associate Teaching Professor of Linguistics at University of California, San Diego.
● LibQuotes. 100% Sourced Quotations. Categories include: Authors (with images and brief bio), Topics, Lists, and Pictures (quotation banners and posters). Useful resources include a selection of reliable quotation books and websites.
● Notable Quotes.
● PunME.
● Puns from Reader's Digest.
● 67 Hilarious Reasons Why The English Language Is The Worst.
● Clean Women Jokes.
● Clean Men Jokes.
● 300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud by Quincy Seale.
● Omniglot: Proverbs and sayings. Idioms and sayings in various languages. Tongue twisters in many languages Selections by Simon Ager.
● Examples of Idioms.
● Favorite Quotes for Seniors, Printable Puzzles from SeasonedTimes.
● The Quotations Page includes Quotes of the Day, Motivational Quotes, Random Quotes.
● Quote Dark. Bringing Quotations out of the Dark. Explore famous quotations. Categories include: Top 250 quotes, Random, Life, Inspirational, Funny, and Love Quotes. You can also Explore Quotes by Authors.
● The Quote Garden: A Harvest of Quotations for Word Lovers.
● Quote Investigator. This website records the investigatory work of Garson O'Toole who diligently seeks the truth about quotations.
● 20 Great Medieval Quotes.
● 20 English Proverbs that originated in the Middle Ages.
● Collection of Jokes.
● List of Funny Puns.
● List of the Funniest Jokes.
● Random Quotes.
● Bartleby Quotations.
Familiar Quotations 10th ed, 1919.
Forty Thousand Quotations: Prose and Poetical, 1917
Shakespeare Quotations.
Grocott's Familiar Quotations, 6th ed. 1890's.
Dictionary of Quotations, 1899.
Hoyt's New Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations, 1922.
Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay, 1880.
Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations, 1989.
Familiar Short Sayings of Great Men, 1989.
Proverbs, Maxims and Phrases of All Ages, 1887.
English Proverbs and Proverbial Phrases, 1907.
Curiosities in Proverbs, 1916.
A Dictionary of Similes, 1916.
● Shmoop - Featured Famous Quotes. Quotes by Subjects, Topics, Authors.
● Short-Funny.com. Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious One Liners!
● This Day in Quotes. Famous quotations and phrases linked to each day of the year. Search Index by Date, Index of Quotes by Category or Topic (A-Z).
● Unbelievable Facts.

2 Feet of Snow Fell This Morning in Canada

Snow in Utterson ON Nov 30, 2011

Snow Plows in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

weird Short Snow Jokes