Useful Links 1
Useful Links 2
"A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the intentional misuse of homophonical, homographical, homonymic, polysemic, metonymic, or metaphorical language."
"A pun is a comedic phrase that plays off of the sounds and double meanings of words. Puns can be quite clever, but often come off as silly, cheeseball attempts at humor. A pun is a humorous play on words." ~ From Vocabulary.com
View more definitions of a Pun from
- Cambridge Dictionary
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
4. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
5. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law.
6. It doesn't matter how kind you are, German children are always kinder.
German translation: Kind = Child, Kinder (Plural of Kind) = Children. In German, however, all nouns are capitalized.
● Learn German While You Sleep 😀 130 Basic German Words and Phrases 🍻 English German. YouTube video, 3 hrs. Published by Trieu Duong HUYNH, Feb 21, 2018.
● If you learn German only when sleeping, you will speak German only when dreaming. ~ Radek Macalik.
7. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: "That's the last thing I need!"
10. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
11. What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
12. Work for a cause, not for applause.
Live life to express, not to impress.
Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt. ~ Unknown.
13. Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?
14. There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don't worry, though - he woke up.
15. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu - you get what you deserve.
16. How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
17. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
18. The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. ~ Dr. Bob Moorehead. See Words Aptly Spoken and The Paradox of Our Time.
19. The quickest way to get someone's attention is to no longer want it. ~ Anonymous.
20. An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way. ~ Charles Bukowski.
21. Nothing haunts us like the things we don't say. ~ Mitch Albom.
22. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. ~ Erica Jong.
23. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. ~ Cullen Hightower.
24. We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. ~ Aristotle.
25. More puns:
● The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
● A backward poet writes inverse.
● I told my suitcase that there will be no vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
● If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus. ~ Casual Christian Comedy.
● I renamed my iPod "The Titanic", so when I plug it in, it says, "The Titanic is syncing."
● Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
● The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
● Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
● If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
● When the past, present, and future go camping, they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
● The best time to open a gift is the present.
● A mean crook going down stairs is a condescending con, descending.
● There was the person who sent ten puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
● What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves.
● A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
● No matter how hard you push the envelope, it's still stationery.
● The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
● A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
● The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.
● I didn't think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.
● I've got a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It's a complex complex complex.
● I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.
● Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.
● I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops. Or she works at Ihop.
● My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
● My wife claims I'm the cheapest person she's ever met. I'm not buying it.
● Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16? The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
● I told my carpenter I didn't want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
● I have a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare. But he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
● Is it good or bad if your vacuum sucks?
● Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation.
● What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.
● I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen, I saw a man frying chips. I asked him, "Are you the friar?" He replied, "No, I'm the chip monk."
● Relish today. Ketchup tomorrow.
● I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, now I have Heinzsight.
● Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision.
● Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
● Do not eat aluminum or you'll sheet metal.
● Beer nuts for sale. $1.25 per bag. Deer nuts are under a buck.
● Life and beer are very similar, chill for best results.
● Beer is now cheaper than gas. So drink, don't drive.
● Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
● Drink wine. It isn't good to keep things bottled up.
● My relationship with Whisky is on the rocks.
● She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
● For chemists, alcohol is not a problem, it's a solution.
● Cows have hooves because they lactose.
● Cow stumbles into pot field! The steaks have never been higher.
● Turning vegan would be a big missed steak.
● Huge fight at local seafood diner! Battered fish everywhere.
● Be careful when you eat at Sam & Ella's Diner. ~ Indian Hills Community Center.
● Bread is a lot like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
● I have a chicken proof lawn. It's impeccable.
● One bird can't make a pun. But toucan.
● Crushing pop cans is soda pressing.
● People are making Apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
● I'm terrified of elevators, and I'm taking steps to avoid them.
● I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
● Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.
● Need an ark? I Noah guy.
● Well, to be Frank, I'd have to change my name.
● Dogs can't operate MRI scanners, but Catscan.
● Be the person your dog thinks you are.
● Do German cats have multiple lives? Nein.
● Our mountains aren's just funny, they're hill areas.
● I hate this snow! No ... wait. I love this snow! Signed, Bi-Polar Bear.
● See I Made a Snowman.
● I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y.
● The word "queue" is just a Q followed by four silent letters.
● Is the "s" or "c" in "scent" silent?
● A garage sale is actually a Garbage sale but the "b" is silent.
● Double negatives are a No-No in English.
● A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
● What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
● How do you throw a space party? You planet.
● It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
● What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
● I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
● Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants!
● 5 ants rented an apartment with 5 other ants. Now they are tenants.
● Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? Because all the fans left!
● What do you get if you cross a setter and a pointer at Christmas time? You get a pointsetter.
● What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum - you can't beat it!
● If you don't C sharp before crossing the street, you'll B flat.
● Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
● How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
● Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. ~ Oscar Levant.
● I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
● I'm changing my name to 'Benefits' on Facebook. Next time someone adds me, it will say "You are now friends with Benefits."
● The barber opened up a shavings account.
● I've failed the mathematics test so many times, I lost count.
● A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
● Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
● A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
● Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
● How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
● I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
● Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again."
● Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence.
● I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
● I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, "Aisle B, back."
● I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
27. Tim bought 2 goldfish and named them 1 and 2. If 1 died, he'll still have 2.
28. If you put your left shoe on the wrong foot ... it's on the right foot.
29. My brother wishes he could compose smutty verse as good as mine. Is this scribbling ribaldry?
30. The phone call interrupted my nap, and I never did get the rest.
31. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.
32. I used to be afraid of purchasing residential property for the purpose of renting, but now I have an apartment complex.
33. Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
34. It's amazing what two or more sinners can achieve together with synergy.
Car License Plate: SINNERG
35. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
36. I'm inclined to be laid back.
37. I don't know what possessed me to attend that seance.
38. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
39. John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
40. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
41. I tried to draw a rectangle but my pencil broke. Now it's a wrecked angle.
42. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
43. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.
● What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
44. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
45. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
46. The batteries were given out free of charge.
47. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
48. A will is a dead giveaway.
49. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
50. People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
51. I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home. It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
52. My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.
53. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
54. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
55. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
56. Police were called to a day care center where a two-year-old was resisting a rest.
57. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
● If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.
58. If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.
59. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
60. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
61. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
62. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
63. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
64. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
65. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
66. The guy that fell into the glass making machine made a spectacle of himself.
67. Cauterize: made eye contact with her.
68. Today is the oldest you've ever been, yet the youngest you'll ever be, so enjoy this day while it lasts.
69. Tragedy isn't getting something or failure to get it; it's losing something you already have. ~ Euripides.
● Waste not fresh tears over old griefs. ~ Euripides.
70. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
71. Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. ~ Theodore Roosevelt.
72. Believe you can and you're halfway there. ~ Theodore Roosevelt.
73. Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. ~ Babe Ruth.
74. Don't sweat the petty stuff. And don't pet the sweaty stuff. ~ George Carlin.
75. I cook using the 4 food groups: Canned, Boxed, Bagged and Frozen. ~ Aunty Acid.
76. Someday is not a day of the week. ~ Denise Brennan-Nelson.
77. The harder I work, the luckier I get. ~ Gary Player.
78. Fall seven times and stand up eight. ~ Japanese Proverb.
79. Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
80. The world of reality has its limits; the world of imagination is boundless. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
81. Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear. ~ George Addair.
82. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin.
83. A group of chess enthusiasts were standing in the hotel lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to leave. "But why," they asked. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
84. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. ~ Mark Twain.
85. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle. ~ Unknown.
86. Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better. ~ Jim Rohn.
87. The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. ~ Muhammad Ali.
88. Don't count the days, make the days count. ~ Muhammad Ali.
89. It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am. ~ Muhammad Ali.
● I shook up the world, I shook up the world. ~ Muhammad Ali.
● I am the greatest. ~ Muhammad Ali.
It is with much sadness to inform you that John G. Powers, known as the "Butterfly Man" for his interests in numismatics, philately and lepidopterology, a long-time butterfly collector, passed away on November 5, 2019 at the age of 69.
John was a wonderful, kind and thoughtful man. He gave me permission to take pictures of his beautiful butterfly collection and took time to explain things to me.
90. The man who has no imagination has no wings. ~ Muhammad Ali.
91. Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. ~ Muhammad Ali.
● Don't count the days; make the days count. ~ Muhammad Ali.
● Live everyday as if it were your last because someday you're going to be right. ~ Muhammad Ali.
● He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. ~ Muhammad Ali.
● Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing. ~ Warren Buffett.
92. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. ~ Unknown.
93. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on. ~ Unknown.
● Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet! ~ Unknown.
94. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. ~ Jack Handey.
95. Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. ~ Winston Churchill.
96. Success is never achieved alone, always with others. ~ Maggie Habieda, Fotografia Boutique.
97. Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement. ~ Unknown.
98. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. ~ Unknown.
99. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. ~ Unknown.
100. Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. ~ Swami Sivananda.
101. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments. ~ Unknown.
102. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. ~ Unknown.
103. Time heals all wounds, but time also wounds all heels. ~ Unknown.
104. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
105. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
106. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
107. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
108. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
109. We drive on a parkway and park on a driveway.
110. Does "expect the unexpected" make the "unexpected expected"?
111. Why are "wise man" and "wise guy" opposites? And "overlook" and "oversee" opposites?
112. We recite at a play and play at a recital.
113. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
114. Rats know the way of rats. ~ Chinese saying.
115. Do not tear down the east wall to repair the west wall. ~ Chinese saying.
116. Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is the best. ~ Chinese saying.
117. Where a chest lies open, a righteous man may sin. ~ Chinese proverb.
118. The man who comes with a talk about others has himself an ax to grind. ~ Chinese saying.
119. A thousand cups of wine do not suffice when true friends meet, but half a sentence is too much when there is no meeting of minds. ~ Chinese saying.
120. It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. ~ Mark Twain.
121. When you give someone your whole heart and he doesn't want it, you cannot take it back. It's gone forever. ~ Sylvia Plath.
122. You are confined only by the walls you build yourself. ~ Andrew Murphy.
123. Love is blind, and greed insatiable. ~ Chinese proverb.
● It is not greed that drives the world but envy. ~ Warren Buffett.
124. If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. ~ Abraham Maslow.
125. I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. ~ George Burns.
126. Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.
127. There is nothing in the world more precious than THANKFULNESS. It's the root of all HAPPINESS. ~ Unknown.
128. The three grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. ~ Alexander Chalmers.
129. Can you read this? Figuratively Speaking: Example of a Brain Study.
Are you one of 55% of the people who can read the following?
S3RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 15
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
If you can raed the abvoe, you have a sgtrane mnid, too.
Can you raed this? Olny 55 poeple out of 100 can.
Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can raed tihs. I cdnuolt bielvee that I cluod aulaclty uendsatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe.
Azanmig, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this, forwrad it.
130. Life is a promise; fulfill it. ~ Mother Teresa.
131. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. ~ Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University.
132. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! ~ Pericles (430 BC).
133. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. ~ Winston Churchill.
134. Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding. ~ Sri Chinmoy.
135. Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came, and never left your side. ~ Broken Friendship Quotes, collected by Uttara Manohar.
136. We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry. ~ Broken Friendship Quotes, collected by Uttara Manohar.
137. Give me the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef, i.e. give me your feedback.
138. Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
139. Whiteboards are remarkable.
140. I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
141. Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%. They blame it on the cost of living.
142. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall. ~ Pun of the Day.
143. Alarms: What an octopus is.
144. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. ~ Kurt Cobain.
● It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. ~ André Gide, Autumn Leaves.
145. You can agree with me, or you can be wrong. ~ Edgar Argo.
146. In London, one man to another:
"You know, my daughter has married an Irishman."
147. What do you call a male ladybird?
148. Absolute seriousness is never without a dash of humor. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
149. Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. ~ George Bernard Shaw.
150. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
• Ever wonder why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
• Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• If Con is the opposite of Pro, is Congress the opposite of Progress?
• If flying is so Safe, why do they call the airport the Terminal?
151. From So You Think French Is Hard? Try English ... PD Workshop: Creating a Basic Web Page - Web Page 36 by Lorenzo Morra:
• I take it you already know of tough and bough and cough and dough.
• Others may stumble but not you, on hiccough, thorough, tough and through.
• Well done! And now you wish perhaps to learn of less familiar traps?
• Beware of heard, a dreadful word that looks like beard and sounds like bird.
• And dead -- it's said like bed, not bead -- For goodness' sake, don't call it deed.
• Watch out for meat and great and threat (they rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
• A moth is not a moth in mother, nor both in bother, broth in brother.
• And here is not a match for there, nor dear and fear or bear and pear.
• And then there's dose and rose and lose, just look them up -- goose and choose,
• And cork and work, and card and ward, and front and font, and word and sword,
• And do and go, and lone and gone, and wart and cart -- Come, come! I've hardly made a start!
• A dreadful language? Man alive!
• I mastered it when I was five!
Yes, English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. ~ Unknown.
• The bandage was wound around the wound.
• The farm was used to produce produce.
• The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
• We must polish the Polish furniture.
• He could lead if he would get the lead out.
• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
• Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
• A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
• When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
• I did not object to the object.
• The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
• The buck does funny things when the does are present.
• A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
• To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
• You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.
• The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
• Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
• I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
152. This drain must be opened up because it is stopped up. See more UP words at Are You UP for This?
153. Patient: "I've hurt my arm in several places."
Doctor: "Well, don't go there anymore."
154. What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth. ~ Yiddish proverb.
• The most beautiful eyes are those that see the beauty in others. ~ Unknown.
155. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. ~ Albert Einstein.
156. Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. ~ Albert Einstein.
157. What hair color do bald people put on their driver's licence?
● If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. ~ Hillary Rodham Clinton.
● Your hair is 90% of your selfie.
● Grey hair is a blessing. Ask any bald man.
● Gray hair is God's graffiti.
● Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.
● Hair - 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023. Google Web Album.
158. Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. ~ Grace Hansen.
159. The great secret of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters. ~ Harold Nicolson.
160. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. ~ Bill Clinton.
161. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ~ Barack Obama.
162. Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. ~ Tommy Lee.
163. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~ Oscar Wilde.
● How many wives can a man have? 16 - 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, and 4 poorer.
164. Winston Churchill vs. Lady Astor
Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee.
Churchill: Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
She called him a drunk and he said, "Tomorrow I will be sober, but you will still be ugly".
165. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. ~ Unknown.
166. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. ~ Unknown.
167. Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~ Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel).
168. It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. ~ Henry David Thoreau.
● Spiegel lügen nicht! (German translation: Mirrors don't lie!) ~ German Saying.
169. New York Mayor Ed Koch to Andrew Kirtzmanafter, the reporter: I can explain this to you, I can't comprehend it for you.
170. If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough. ~ Albert Einstein.
171. Georgia Guidestones
Info from Wikipedia and other sources: The Georgia Guidestones are a granite monument erected in 1980 in Elbert County, Georgia, in the United States. A message consisting of a set of ten guidelines or principles is engraved on the Georgia Guidestones [June 1979] in eight different languages, one language on each face of the four large upright stones. The monument dubbed as the "American Stonehenge" consists of five granite slabs, each weighing over 20 tons, are placed to form a star pattern. Moving clockwise around the structure from due north, these languages are: English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese, and Russian.
1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.
2. Guide reproduction wisely - improving fitness and diversity.
3. Unite humanity with a living new language.
4. Rule passion - faith - tradition - and all things with tempered reason.
5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts.
6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.
7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials.
8. Balance personal rights with social duties.
9. Prize truth - beauty - love - seeking harmony with the infinite.
10. Be not a cancer on the earth - Leave room for nature - Leave room for nature.
172. I've never met a Bitter person who was Thankful. Or a Thankful person who was Bitter. ~ Nick Vujicic, LifeWithoutLimbs.org.
173. It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.
It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live. ~ Bette Midler.
174. It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends. ~ Unknown.
175. Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. ~ Mark Twain.
176. Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable. ~ Oscar Wilde.
177. A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally. ~ Oscar Wilde.
178. Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders? ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
179. Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted. ~ Albert Einstein.
180. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
181. The only way to have a friend is to be one. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
182. As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
183. What is not started today is never finished tomorrow. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832).
184. He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
185. Some people die at 25 and aren't buried until 75. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
186. Content makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
● The rich invest in time, the poor invest in money. ~ Warren Buffett.
187. By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
188. In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
189. Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
190. Common sense is not so common. ~ Voltaire.
191. If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples, then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas. ~ George Bernard Shaw.
192. Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. ~ Abraham Lincoln.
193. It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied. ~ John Stuart Mill - Utilitarianism, pg. 13.
194. Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~ Winston Churchill.
195. The mind is everything. What you think you become. ~ Buddha.
196. A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. ~ Winston Churchill.
197. The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see. ~ Winston Churchill.
198. Nobody can hurt me without my permission. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.
199. An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.
200. The Roots of Violence: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character, Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice, Politics without principles. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.
201. An injured friend is the bitterest of foes. ~ Thomas Jefferson.
202. I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. ~ Robert McCloskey.
203. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. ~ Unknown.
204. Marry someone who can cook. Looks fade, hunger doesn't. ~ Unknown.
205. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ~ The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971).
● Lord, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. ~ The Senility Prayer by Unknown.
● Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change. ~ Stephen Hawking.
● To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often. ~ Winston Churchill
● Turn your wounds into wisdom. ~ Oprah Winfrey.
● Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain. ~ Robert Gary Lee.
206. A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion. ~ Chinese Proverb.
● What the wise do in the beginning, fools do in the end. ~ Warren Buffett.
● Our world is not divided by race, color, gender, or religion. Our world is divided into wise people and fools. And fools divide themselves by race, color, gender, or religion. ~ Nelson Mandela.
● Being white doesn't make you a racist, and being black doesn't make you a slave. Being an idiot, however, comes in both colors. ~ Unknown.
● Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn't matter which color does the hating. It's just plain wrong. ~ Muhammad Ali.
● Why is Everything White? - Muhammad Ali. YouTube video, 1:09 min. Published by IIAlparslan, Aug. 16, 2020. "Boxing legend Muhammad Ali, who died in 2016, explained how he used to ask his mother about white representation in an interview with Parkinson in 1971." Muhammad Ali (Jan. 17, 1942 - June 3, 2016) was born Cassius Marcellus Clay Jr.
207. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. ~ From Short Funny Quotes.
208. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again. ~ Unknown.
209. A blind person asked St. Anthony: "Can there be anything worse than losing one's eye sight?" He replied: "Yes, losing your vision!"
210: The English language has some wonderfully collective nouns for the various groups of living organisms:
• an Ambush of Tigers, Widows
• an Army of Caterpillars, Frogs
• an Aurora of Polar Bears
• a Babble of Barbers
• a Band of Robbers
• a Bask of Crocodiles
• a Battery of Barracudas
• a Bed of Clams, Cockles, Mussels, Oysters
• a Bloat of Hippopotami
• a Board of Trustees
• a Brood of Hens, Chickens
• a Cast of Actors
• a Charm of Hummingbirds
• a Choir of Singers
• a Clan of Hyenas
• a Class of Students
• a Clew of Worms
• a Cloud of Bats, Grasshoppers
• a Clutter of Spiders
• a Cohort of Zebras
• a Colony of Ants, Beavers, Rabbits, Rats, Seals, Termites, Wasps
• a Company of Parrots
• a Congregation of Magpies, Worshippers
• a Congress of Baboons
• a Crash of Rhinoceroses
• a Crew of Sailors
• a Culture of Bacteria
• a Den of Snakes, Thieves
• a Destruction of Wildcats
• an Eloquence of Lawyers
• an Exaltation of Doves, Larks
• a Faculty of Academics
• a Fall of Lambs
• a Family of Otters, Sardines
• a Flight of Butterflies, Dragons, Insects, Pigeons, Swallows
• a Flock of Birds, Camels, Chickens, Lice, Sheep, Tourists, Turkeys
• a Flush of Ducks
• a Gaggle of Geese, Women
• a Gang of Buffalos, Hoodlums, Workmen
• a Herd of Cattle, Cows, Dinosaurs, Llamas, Moose, Seahorses, Swans, Yaks
• a Host of Angels
• a Huddle of Walruses
• an Illusion of Magicians
• an Intrusion of Cockroaches
• a Knot of Toads
• a Leap of Leopards
• a Litter of Pups
• a Mess of Iguanas
• a Mischief of Mice
• a Mob of Kangaroos, Wallabyies, Wombats
• a Murder of Crows, Ravens, Rooks
• a Nursery of Raccoons
• an Orchestra of Musicians
• a Pack of Hounds, Wolves
• a Parliament of Owls
• a Picket of Strikers
• a Pity of Prisoners
• a Plague of Locusts
• a Pod of Pelicans
• a Posse of Police, Sheriffs
• a Prickle of Porcupines
• a Pride of Lions, Ostriches
• a Quiver of Cobras
• a Rhumba of Rattlesnakes
• a Rookery of Penguins
• a Run of Poultry
• a School of Fish, Porpoises, Whales
• a Scourge of Mosquitoes
• a Shiver of Sharks
• a Shoal of Fish, Mackerels, Minnows
• a Shrewdness of Apes
• a Slate of Candidates
• a Squabble of Seagulls
• a Squad of Soldiers
• a Stable of Horses
• a Stuck of Jellyfish
• a Stud of Mares
• a Surfeit of Skunks
• a Swarm of Bees, Eels, Flies
• a Team of Athletes, Oxen
• a Tribe of Natives
• a Troop of Boy Scouts, Chimps, Monkeys
• a Troupe of Acrobats, Minstrels, Performers, Shrimps
• a Watch of Nightingales
~ From: Collective Nouns.
211. I think, therefore I am.
Cogito ergo sum. (Latin).
Je pense donc je suis. (French). ~ René Descartes, Discourse on Method (1637)
Ich denke, also bin ich. (German).
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think. ~ George Carlin.
I am what I am. That's all. ~ Popeye the Sailor Man.
212. A wistful waste makes a woeful want. ~ Virgil B. Lawrence.
213. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou.
214. It's better to be judged by twelve than to be carried by six. ~ A police and military saying.
215. Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you. ~ Unknown.
216. The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, the response time of a .357 is 1,400 feet per second. ~ Unknown.
217. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
218. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
219. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
220. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
221. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
222. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
223. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
224. There are no short cuts to any place worth going. ~ Beverly Sills.
225. A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. ~ David Coblitz.
226. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
227. Every man has the right to risk his own life in order to preserve it. Has it ever been said that a man who throws himself out the window to escape from a fire is guilty of suicide? ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
228. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
229. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
230. Will Will will the will to Will? ~ Unknown.
231. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. ~ From Paul Niquette's paraprosdokian.
● The four seasons in California are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought. ~ 2021.
232. There's a price on your head? Take it! ~ From Jewish Paraprosdokians.
233. Laughter is the best medicine since you don't have health insurance. ~ From Jewish Paraprosdokians.
234. A friend in need is usually something you don't need. ~ From Jewish Paraprosdokians.
235. Men do make passes at girls who wear glasses, it depends on their frames. ~ Dorothy Parker.
236. Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. ~ Unknown.
237. Aspire to inspire before you expire. ~ Eugene Bell, Jr.
238. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~ Hilary Cooper.
239. George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. ~ George Carlin.
240. The future will soon be a thing of the past. ~ George Carlin.
241. Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey. ~ George Carlin.
242. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. ~ George Carlin.
243. "No comment" is a comment. ~ George Carlin.
244. So far, this is the oldest I've been. ~ George Carlin.
245. (On Christianity) Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. ~ George Carlin.
246. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ~ George Carlin.
247. When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion. ~ Robert Pirsig.
248. All religions are the same: religion is basically guilt, with different holidays. ~ Cathy Ladman.
249. Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does. ~ Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - From Quotations - Volume 5.
"Constantinople" now called Istanbul.
250. A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. ~ Abba Eban.
251. What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds. ~ Wayne Dyer.
252. Your subconscious mind is the gatekeeper of your comfort zone. ~ Unknown.
● Comfort the disturbed, disturb the comfortable. ~ Finley Peter Dunne.
253. Give me a child and I'll shape him into anything. ~ B. F. Skinner.
254. If you see someone without a smile today, give them one of yours! ~ Unknown.
255. Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters. ~ Albert Einstein.
256. Some people live and learn, others live but never learn. ~ I. Lee, Jan 26, 2013.
257. I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped. ~ Gestalt prayer. (Frederick Perls quote).
258. He who spends time regretting the past loses the present and risks the future. ~ Quevedo (Spanish poet, satirist, 1580-1645).
259. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. ~ Unknown.
● A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. ~ Charles M. Schwab.
260. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years. ~ Dr. Bob Moorehead.
● A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one. ~ George R. R. Martin.
261. As we get older, it is not the things we did that we often regret, but the things we didn't do. ~ Unknown.
● Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. ~ Sydney J. Harris.
262. Anything you really want, you can attain, if you really go after it. ~ Wayne Dyer.
263. Conflict cannot survive without your participation. ~ Wayne Dyer.
264. A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. ~ Robert Frost.
265. The worst disability is a bad attitude. ~ Michael Muir.
266. Making mistakes is not a problem, not catching those mistakes is where the trouble starts. ~ Ed Berger.
267. Do something for somebody every day for which you do not get paid. ~ Albert Schweitzer.
268. The greatest joys are those that are shared. ~ Leon Fleisher.
269. You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~ Ogden Nash.
● Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals or self-worth. ~ Anonymous.
● Toxic people only change their victims, never themselves. ~ Alex Ferman.
270. For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of potential happiness. ~ Quoted by Miriam Herwig - From Quotations - Volume 5.
271. Real heroes don't save the world, they serve the world. ~ Quoted by Linda Bird - From Quotations - Volume 5.
272. The richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. ~ Unknown.
If you count all your assets, you always show a profit. ~ Robert Quillen.
273. What the mind doesn't understand, it worships or fears. ~ Alice Walker.
274. Fear makes strangers of people who could be friends. ~ Shirley Maclaine.
275. If you planted hope today in any hopeless heart,
If someone's burden was lighter because you did your part,
If you caused a laugh that chased a tear away,
If tonight your name is mentioned when someone kneels to pray,
Then your day was well spent. ~ Anonymous.
276. Don't confuse what you have a right to do with what's right to do. ~ William Bennett.
277. The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say NO to almost everything. ~ Warren Buffett.
278. Before eating, always take a little time to thank the food. ~ American Indian Proverb.
279. Doc, why is it that when I speak to God it's a prayer, and when God speaks to me it's schizophrenia? ~ Russian Joke - From Quotations - Volume 5.
● If you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic. ~ Unknown.
● Because you cannot see him, God is everywhere. ~ Yasunari Kawabata.
280. The cardinal doctrine of a fanatic's creed is that his enemies are the enemies of God. ~ Andrew Dickson White.
281. Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. ~ Albert Einstein.
282. Trust is the first step to love. ~ Munshi Premchand.
283. He who wants to accomplish finds a way. He who doesn't, finds an excuse. ~ Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos in Baldo (Cartoon) - From Quotations - Volume 5.
284. Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is. ~ William James.
285. Almost all our faults are more pardonable than the methods we resort to to hide them. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld.
286. Men build too many walls and not enough bridges. ~ Isaac Newton.
287. Journalists do not believe the lies of politicians, but they do repeat them, which is even worse! ~ Michel Colucci.
288. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. ~ Wayne Gretzky.
289. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right. ~ Mary Kay Ash.
290. Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses. ~ Confucius.
291. In the end only kindness matters. ~ Jim Garnett.
292. Talent is God-given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be thankful. Conceit is self-given; be careful. ~ John R. Wooden.
293. In one and the same fire, clay grows hard and wax melts. ~ Francis Bacon.
294. Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. ~ Robert Orben.
295. Be careful whom you trust. Salt and sugar look the same. ~ Unknown.
● Don't throw sodium chloride at people. That's a salt.
296. The left wing and the right wing belong to the same bird. ~ Unknown.
297. He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened. ~ Lao Tzu.
298. Fantasy is the impossible made probable. Science fiction is the improbable made possible. ~ Rod Serling.
299. We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further. ~ Richard Dawkins.
300. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. ~ Unknown.
301. Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. ~ Mark Twain.
302. The truth always turns out to be simpler than you thought. ~ Richard Feynman.
303. It's easy to make good decisions when there are no bad options. ~ Robert Half.
304. The search for someone to blame is always successful. ~ Robert Half.
305. Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald.
306. A lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math. ~ Ambrose Bierce.
307. Worry is a misuse of imagination. ~ Dan Zadra in Together We Can.
308. It is not how old you are, but how you are old. ~ Jules Renard.
309. English is a funny language. A fat chance and a slim chance are the same thing. ~ Jack Herbert.
310. The height of embarrassment is when two sets of eyes meet through a keyhole. ~ Unknown.
311. No matter how busy a man is, he is never too busy to stop and talk about how busy he is. ~ Unknown.
312. Leopards! Be ready for a spot check! ~ Graffiti.
313. One holds his job by knowing how. One becomes boss by knowing why. ~ Perry Tanksley.
314. Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. ~ Mark Twain.
315. The greatest influence on a child begins with the birth of his parents. ~ Les Crane.
● An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. ~ Unknown.
316. Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!
317. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~ Chili Davis.
318. There are three ingredients in the good life: Learning, earning and yearning. ~ Christopher Morley.
319. It is better to be able to appreciate things you cannot have than to have things you are not able to appreciate. ~ Unknown.
320. Society takes action only when gangrene sets in. ~ H. D. Doan.
321. There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. ~ George Santayana.
322. Luck is the crossroads where preparation and opportunity meet. ~ Unknown.
● Opportunities come infrequently. When it rains gold, put out the bucket, not the thimble. ~ Warren Buffett.
323. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. ~ Langston Coleman.
324. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. ~ Andy Rooney.
325. O Lord, help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomorrow I may have to eat them. ~ Unknown.
326. The trouble with half-truths is that people tend to believe the wrong half. ~ Unknown.
327. A half truth is a whole lie. ~ Yiddish Proverb.
328. He who's not busy living is busy dying. ~ Bob Dylan.
329. The question is not how busy we are, but what are we busy about. ~ Henry David Thoreau.
330. Averages are composed of all abnormalities. ~ C. VanDenBrink.
331. Average is the best of the worst and the worst of the best. ~ Unknown.
● The most expensive products aren't always the best ... and the cheapest aren't always the worst. ~ Grant W., AFresherHome.com.
332. Quality is remembered long after price is forgotten. ~ Julian Morel.
333. If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? ~ Unknown.
334. Only the man who is below the average in economic ability desires equality; those who are conscious of superior ability desire freedom; and in the end superior ability has its way. ~ Will and Ariel Durant.
335. Life is not a having and a getting, but a being and a becoming. ~ Matthew Arnold.
336. If I accept the sunshine and warmth, I must also accept the thunder and the lightning. ~ Kahlil Gibran.
337. There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children: one is roots, the other, wings. ~ Hodding Carter.
338. To love someone is to stay close enough to touch, leaving space enough to grow. ~ Unknown.
339. A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. ~ Socrates.
340. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~ Aesop.
341. What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
342. Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in our own sunshine. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
343. For every complex question there is a simple answer. And it's wrong. ~ H. L. Mencken.
344. A narrow mind has a broad tongue. ~ Arabian Proverb.
345. Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly. ~ Louis Ginsberg.
346. When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. ~ Alexander Graham Bell.
347. Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can't answer. ~ Charles M. Schultz.
● Go to bed a little smarter each day. ~ Warren Buffett.
348. Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. ~ Arnold H. Glasow.
349. The most important things in life aren't things. ~ Anthony J. D'Angelo.
● The best things in life aren't things. ~ Unknown.
● Die besten Sachen im Leben gibt es umsonst. ~ German saying. Translation: The best things in life are free.
● The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. ~ Mark Twain.
● View Overcoming hopelessness | Nick Vujicic | TEDxNoviSad. YouTube video, 14:53 min. Published by TEDx Talks, Oct 17, 2012.
350. People without hope for tomorrow have a very difficult time living for today. ~ Doug Kanney.
351. If you want something you've never had, you must be willing to do something you've never done. ~ Thomas Jefferson.
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did. ~ Unknown.
352. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. ~ Albert Einstein.
353. You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. ~ Beverly Sills.
354. To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might just be the world. ~ Unknown.
355. Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to become angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not easy. ~ Aristotle.
356. Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. ~ Will Rogers.
357. Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. ~ Buddha.
358. The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. ~ Elbert Hubbard.
359. We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. ~ Thomas S. Monson.
360. Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible. ~ John Wooden.
361. Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are. ~ Henry Van Dyke.
362. Worry is as useless as a handle on a snowball. ~ Mitzi Chandler.
363. It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret. ~ Jacqueline "Jackie" Joyner-Kersee.
364. Don't count every hour in the day, make every hour in the day count. ~ Anonymous.
365. If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. ~ Dalai Lama.
366. A difficult time can be more readily endured if we retain the conviction that our existence holds a purpose: a cause to pursue, a person to love, a goal to achieve. ~ John Maxwell.
367. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. ~ Albert Einstein.
368. Definition of Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
369. Definition of a Nillionaire: A person with little or no money.
370. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. ~ Unknown.
371. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
372. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. ~ Casey Stengel.
373. To love is nothing. To be loved is something. To love and be loved is everything. ~ Unknown.
374. Church Bulletins as they actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services (Adapted from a variety of sources including Funny Church Bulletin Board Notices):
● The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
● The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
● Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
● The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
● Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
● Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
● For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
● Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
● The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
● Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
● A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
● At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
● Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
● Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
● The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
● Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.
● The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
● This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
● Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
● The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
● Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
● The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
● Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
● Join us tonight for prayers, coffee and fresh beagles.
● Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
● This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
● Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor."
● This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
● The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
● Ushers will eat latecomers.
● The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
● The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
● Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
● The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
● Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
● The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
● Wrinkled with burdens? Come to church for a faith lift!
375. Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
376. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
377. Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~ Bob Hope.
378. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
388. Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
389. Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children!
390. Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. ~ Yul Brynner.
391. If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment. ~ Dave Allen.
392. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. ~ Milton Berle.
393. It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road. ~ Unknown.
394. A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. ~ Steve Fergosi.
● I told myself that I should stop drinking, but I'm not about to listen to a drunk that talks to himself. ~ Unknown.
● How to stop drunk drivers from killing sober drivers? Ban sober drivers from driving. ~ Unknown.
395. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves. ~ Rev. William J. H. Boetcker, 1916.
● You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
● What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
● The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. ~ Unknown.
396. Thinkers think and doers do. But until the thinkers do and the doers think, progress will be just another word in the already overburdened vocabulary by sense. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld.
397. There may be a time when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest. ~ Elie Wiesel.
398 I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. ~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth.
399. Don't go through life, grow through life. ~ Eric Butterworth.
400. The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions. ~ Alfred Adler.
● Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. ~ Helen Keller.
401. Den größten Fehler, den man im Leben machen kann, ist, immer Angst zu haben, einen Fehler zu machen. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Translated from German: The biggest mistake you can make in life is always being afraid of making a mistake.
402. The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ~ Robert Byrne.
403. To live a pure unselfish life, one must count nothing as one's own in the midst of abundance. ~ Buddha.
404. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~ Henry David Thoreau (American Essayist, Poet and Philosopher, 1817-1862)
405. Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference. ~ Unknown.
406. If you need a shoulder to cry on, pull off to the side of the road. ~ Unknown.
407. Nichts ist so beständig wie der Wechsel! ~ German saying. Translation: Nothing is as constant as change!
● The only thing constant in life is change. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld.
408. Few people have the wisdom to prefer the criticism that would do them good, to the praise that deceives them. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld.
409. To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art. ~ François de La Rochefoucauld.
410. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two Hearts and a Diamond. By the end, you wish you had a Club and a Spade. ~ Aunty Acid.
411. A slave is he who cannot speak his thoughts. ~ Euripides.
412. Every end has a new beginning. ~ Carissa Ciciarelli.
413. Strange, Interesting Facts, and Useless Knowledge:
Note: Some of the following statements may or may not be true or factual. If they seem suspicious, check them out on Snopes.com.
● Each King on playing cards represent a King in real history:
♠ Spades: King David
♣ Clubs: Alexander the Great
♥ Hearts: Charlesmagne - Only King without a moustache on a standard playing card.
♦ Diamonds: Julius Caesar
● HISTORY, SCIENCE8 MONTHS AGO 50 'Weird Facts' About The World That Might Give You A Fresh Perspective by Jonas Grineviĉius and Austėja Akavickaitė, boredpanda, History, Science, 2021.
● The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad.
● Samhainophobia is the the fear of Halloween.
● The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth is called Arachibutyrophobia.
● Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
● The typical lead pencil can draw a line that is 35 miles long.
● The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
● The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.
● 73 percent of people who buy flowers on Valentine's Day are men, while only 27 percent are women.
Plants, Food, Drink:
● Almonds are a member of the peach family.
● The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% of the world's oxygen supply.
● There are so many kinds of apples that if you ate a new one every day, it would take you over 20 years to try them all.
● Did you know that there is an actual phobia in which sufferers experience fear of seeing an empty beer glass? This disorder is called Cenosillicaphobia.
● Black pepper is the most popular spice in the world.
● Broccoli is actually a flower.
● Honey is the only food that does not spoil.
● Macadamia nuts are not sold in their shells because it takes 300 psi (pounds of pressure per square inch) to crack the shell. They are the toughest nuts in the world.
● Early dynamite used peanuts as ingredients. When dynamite was first produced, one of its ingredients was peanut.
● Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.
● Peanut oil was used to produce glycerol, an ingredient in nitroglycerin. Nitroglycerin is used in the manufacture of explosives, specifically dynamite.
● One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen.
● The first Jack O'Lanterns were actually made from turnips.
● Roses symbolize peace and war, love and forgiveness.
White roses are for true love.
Red roses are often considered the universal symbol of love.
Red roses are for passion.
Typical bright red rose indicates romance.
Pink roses symbolize gratitude, grace, and joy.
Purple roses indicate a fascination or adoration.
Purple roses are often associated with royalty and splendor and were often given to queens and kings.
Lavender roses mean "love at first sight."
Yellow roses are a symbol of friendship and caring.
Orange roses indicate enthusiasm and passion.
Brown roses convey a feeling of warmth, intimacy, romance and stability.
White roses are a symbol of humility, purity, innocence and in some cases, chastity.
Often referred to as the bridal rose, a white rose is associated with young love.
White roses are also a sign of respect or remembrance.
Since the blue rose itself is a rarity in nature, it symbolizes the impossible, or the unattainable.
Green roses are a sign of fertility, abundance and copiousness.
Black roses symbolize death and mourning.
Black roses are often used at funerals as they mean sadness, farewell, bereavement, loss and mortality.
Black roses are technically a very dark shade of red, purple, or maroon roses.
Animals, Birds, Reptiles, Insects, etc.:
● In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
● The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.
● A box jellyfish sting can lead to cardiovascular collapse and death within minutes, making it the most venomous creature on Earth.
● Goats have rectangular pupils.
● Morocco tourist site where goats 'climb trees' may not be all it seems by
Our Foreign Staff, Telegraph.co.uk, Apr 23, 2019.
● Chicks, like humans, count from left to right. Audubon.org: Birds in the News.
● The closest living relative to the Tyrannosaurus rex is the chicken. The Tyrannosaurus rex also shares ancestry with ostriches and alligators.
● Cheetahs are the fastest land animal and can reach speeds up to 72 mph.
● One of the most dangerous insects in the world is the common housefly. Houseflies carry and transmit more diseases than any other creatures in the world.
● Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
● Scallops have up to 100 eyes around the edge of their mantles.
● Sea otters hold hands while they sleep, so they don't drift apart at night.
● A snail can sleep for three years.
● An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
● The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
● The bloodhound is the only animal in the world whose evidence is admissible in court.
● For more than 3,000 years, Carpenter Ants have been used to close wounds in India, Asia, Australia and South America. See 11 Biomaterials that can heal the human body. Including, yes, biting ants.
● At 188 decibels, the whistle of the blue whale is the loudest sound produced by any animal.
● A blue whale's tongue is bigger than an elephant.
● A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
● A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.
● If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
● Starfish have no brains. A starfish doesn't have a brain in its head like we do. Instead its entire nervous system acts like a distributed brain. Starfish from Wiki.Answers.
● A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
● 24 rabbits released in Victoria (Australia) in 1859 grew to a population of 10 billion in less than 70 years.
● When a male bee climaxes, their testicles explode then they die.
● A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
● Wombat feces are cubic.
● The poisonous part of chocolate for our four-legged friends is a chemical called theobromine. While harmless to humans, it can lead to epileptic seizures and death in dogs. Also, don't feed your dog with walnuts or raw onions. (See: Dogs and Chocolate: Get the Facts and Foods That Are Hazardous to Dogs).
● The Basenji dog is the only dog that is not able to bark.
● Dogs and Humans are the only animals with prostates.
● Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
● A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
● A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
● A duck's quack has no echo, and nobody knows why.
● A cockroach can live 9 days without its head. It only dies because it cannot eat.
● A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
● Difference between a spider and a web designer: A spider loves finding bugs in his web.
● "Arachnophobia" is an intense fear of spiders.
● Butterflies taste with their feet.
● A leech has 32 brains.
● Slugs have four noses.
● The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
● Mosquitoes pee on you when they suck your blood.
● A hedgebog's heart beats an average of 300 times a minute.
● A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
● Giant tortoises from the Galapagos can survive without food or water for up to a year.
● All polar bears are left handed.
● Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Hippos and Rhinos have only two knees and can jump. Elephants have four knees).
● Emus cannot walk backwards.
● Kangaroos cannot walk. They can only jump. (Ankle bones of Kangaroos have been adapted for bipedal hopping).
● Female kangaroos have three vaginas. Quora explains why.
● A new born kangaroo is small enough to fit in a spoon.
● Most tigers have yellow eyes, but white tigers usually have blue eyes, due to the gene for blue eyes being linked to the gene for white fur.
● The stripes on each tiger are unique, like human fingerprints.
● Just like housecats, the markings on a tiger's fur are also found on their skin, so even a shaved tiger would still show its stripes.
● Birds, reptiles and amphibians have varying number of vertebrae in their necks, but mammals, regardless of size of animal or length of the animal's neck, only have seven. As a rule, all mammals have the same number of vertebrae in their necks whether they are a giraffe, a mouse, or a human. Sloths and manatees are exceptions to this rule having abnormal numbers of cervical vertebrae.
● An American bald eagle once flew all the way to Shannon, Ireland - 3,000 miles across the Atlantic with the help of strong westerly winds. He was so exhausted that he had to be nursed back to health. He was then put in a cage for the seven-hour flight to New York via first-class jet with an official send-off from Irish Prime Minister Charles Haughey, 22 Dec 1987.
● Dolphins sleep with one eye open.
● A chicken with red earlobes will produce brown eggs, and a chicken with white earlobes will produce white eggs.
● All pandas are owned by China. China rents a pair of giant pandas out to zoos for $1 million a year for a minimum of 10 years.
● Did you know on the Canary Islands, there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing - not one canary there either!
● What do big corporations and mosques have in common? They both care about the prophet.
● What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed? He puts his pajamazon.
● Most valuable brands worldwide in 2022 from Statista. 1. Apple. 2. Amazon. 3. Google. 4. Microsoft. 5. Walmart. 6. Samsung Group. 7. Facebook. 8. Industrial and Commercial Bank of China (ICBC). 9. Huawei. 10. Verizon. 11. China Construction Bank. 12. Toyota. 13. WeChat. 14. Agricultural Bank of China. 15. Mercedes-Benz. 16. State Grid. 17. T (Deutsche Telekom). 18. TikTok/Douyin. 19. Disney. 20. Home Depot. 21. Ping An. 22. TaoBao. 23. Shell. 24. Bank of China. 25. Tmall.
● SPECIAL REPORT 50 Most Valuable Brands in the World 2021 by Grant Suneson, Special Report, Wall Street, May13, 2021. 1. Apple. 2. Amazon. 3. Google. 4. Microsoft. 5. Samsung. 6. Walmart. 7. Facebook. 8. Industrial & Commercial Bank of China (ICBC). 9. Verizon. 10. WeChat. 11. China Construction Bank. 12. Toyota. 13. Mercedes-Benz. 14. Tencent (QQ). 15. Huawei. 16. State Grid. 17. Ping An. 18. Taobao. 19. Agricultural Bank of China. 20. Home Depot. 21. AT&T. 22. Disney. 23. T (Deutsche Telekom). 24. Tmall. 25. Bank of China.
● The World's Most Valuable Brands 2020 from Forbes: 1. Apple. 2. Google. 3. Microsoft. 4. Amazon. 5. Facebook. 6. Coca-Cola. 7. Disney. 8. Samsung. 9. Louis Vuitton. 10. McDonald's. 11. Toyota. 12. Intel. 13. NIKE. 14. AT&T. 15. Cisco. 16. Oracle. 17. Verizon. 18. Visa. 19. Walmart. 20. GE. 21. Budweiser. 22. SAP. 23. Mercedes-Benz. 24. IBM. 25. Marlboro.
● The World's Most Valuable Brands 2019 from Forbes: 1. Apple. 2. Google. 3. Microsoft. 4. Amazon. 5. Facebook. 6. Coca-Cola. 7. Samsung. 8. Disney. 9. Toyota. 10. McDonald's. 11. AT&T. 12. Louis Vuitton. 13. Intel. 14. NIKE. 15. Cisco. 16. GE. 17. Mercedes-Benz. 18. Oracle. 19. Verizon. 20. IBM. 21. BMW. 22. SAP. 23. Marlboro. 24. Budweiser. 25. Visa.
● Top 25 Most Valuable Brands in 2018 by Ricky Singh, MBA. Top 25 companies with the most valuable brand value as of May 2018. Brand value refers to the financial assets of the brand while brand equity refers to the value of the brand to a customer. 1. Amazon. 2. Apple. 3. Google. 4. Samsung. 5. Facebook. 6. AT&T. 7. Microsoft. 8. Verizon. 9. Walmart. 10. ICBC. 11. China Construction Bank. 12. Alibaba. 13. China Mobile. 14. Wells Fargo. 15. Mercedes-Benz. 16. Toyota. 17. BMW. 18. Bank of China. 19. State Grid. 20. NTT Group. 21. Tencent. 22. T (Deutsche Telekom in Germany). 23. Shell. 24. Chase. 25. Huawei.
● If the world were 100 people from visually by rockcontent.
● Out of 100 people:
11 are in Europe.
5 are in North America
9 are in South America
15 are in Africa
60 are in Asia
49 live in the countryside
51 live in cities
75 have mobile phones
25 do not
30 have internet access
70 do not have the availability to go online
7 received a university education
93 did not attend college
83 can read
17 are illiterate
33 are Christians
22 are Muslims
14 are Hindus
7 are Buddhists
12 are other religions
12 have no religious beliefs
26 live less than 14 years
66 died between 15 - 64 years of age
8 are over 65 years old
● Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
● 90% of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents 70% of all the fresh water in the world.
● The driest place on Earth is in Antarctica in an area called the Dry Valleys, which have seen no rain for nearly 2 million years.
● Australia has 10,685 beaches. You could visit a new beach every day for more than 29 years.
● Toronto, Ontario, Canada was the first city in the world with a computerized traffic signal system.
● With 1896 km (1178 mi), the Yonge Street in Canada, is the longest street in the world.
Note from Wikipedia: "Until 1999, the Guinness Book of World Records repeated the popular misconception that it [Yonge Street] was 1,896 km (1,178 mi) long, and thus the longest street in the world; this was due to a mistaken conflation of Yonge Street with the rest of Ontario's Highway 11. Yonge Street (including the Bradford-to-Barrie extension) is actually 86 kilometres (53.4379 miles) long."
● The Canadian $2 bill (or $5 bill or $10 bill) depicts the U.S. flag flying over Parliament. (Not true! An American flag has never appeared on any Canadian Banknote. The flag on the $10 banknote, which might look like the American flag to some people, is actually the Canadian Red Ensign - Canada's old flag before the Maple Leaf flag in 1965). [Note: In Canada, the $1 and the $2 notes stopped being issued in 1989 and 1996, respectively, and were replaced with coins.]
● In Canada, Mexico, India, Russia and Israel, bank notes have Braille-like markings on them for the blind.
● The entire population of Canada (35,540,400 on July 1, 2014) has fewer people than Tokyo's metropolitan area (37,832,892 in 2014). Update: Population of Canada - 38.25 million (2021). Population of Metropolitan Tokyo - 37.34 million (2021).
● The name "Canada" comes from the St. Lawrence Iroquoian language word "Kanata" meaning "Village".
● In Canada, polar bear swims take place on New Year's Day to celebrate the new year. People of all ages don bathing suits and plunge into the icy-cold lake water.
● The winter of 1911 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
● Residents of Churchill, Manitoba, Canada leave their cars unlocked to offer an escape for pedestrians who might encounter polar bears.
● Licence plates in the Canadian Northwest Territories are shaped like polar bears. (Yellowknife, NT is 1170 km or 727 miles northwest of Churchill, MB).
● Canada has the longest coastline of any country in the world.
● Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world's lakes combined.
● Wasaga Beach is the longest fresh water beach in the world.
● 20% of the world's fresh water is in Canada.
● 31% of Canada is taken up by forests.
● Canada is the World's most educated country in the world with over half of its residents having College degrees. 99% of Canada's population is literate.
● Some Canadian inventions include: Basketball, Baseball glove, electric wheelchair, telephone, electric cooking range, trivial pursuit, snowmobile and IMAX.
● Canada is the second largest country in the world.
● Canada has 6 time zones.
● Canadians spent $22.1 billion on alcohol in the year ended March 31, 2016, a rise of 3.5 per cent from the same period a year earlier. From the total, $9.2 billion was spent on beer (approx $324 per adult, which equates to 2.27 billion litres of beer), $7 billion on wine and $5.1 billion on spirits. The remainder, about $800 million, was spent on ciders, coolers and other alcoholic drinks. ~ CBC News, 2 May 2017.
● The USA bought Alaska from Russia for about 2 cents per acre ($4.74/km2). Treaty signed at 4 a.m. on March 30, 1867 with the purchase price set at $7.2 million.
● The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.
● More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.
● The University of Alaska spans four time zones.
● All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the American $5 bill.
● An American dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
● In 1819, the USA purchased Florida from Spain for the cancellation of a $5 million debt.
● Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.
● If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
● In the United States, Maine is the only state which name is just one syllable.
● There are upwards of 61,000 people in the air over the United States of America at any time on any given day. This is due to the U.S. having the largest number of airports worldwide accounting for roughly 1/3 of the world's total airports.
● The shortest flight in the world is by Loganair, a Scottish airline. The entire journey between two Orkney Islands, Westray and Papa Westray is a 1,750 yard flight, which takes as little as 47 seconds or up to 2 minutes, depending on winds.
The longest flight in the world is Qantas' flight from Sydney, Australia to Dallas, Texas, a 17-hour flight which spans about 8,576 miles.
● There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
● The Palazzo, a luxury hotel and casino resort located on the Las Vegas Strip in Paradise, Nevada, is named the largest hotel in the world by the Guinness Book of World Records. Its total floor area covers 6,948,980 square feet (645,581 m2).
● Norway will allow any student from anywhere in the world to study at its Public Universities completely free of charge.
● The Netherlands is closing 19 prisons due to a serious prisoner shortage.
● The Waterloo Bridge in London, England was largely built by women in World War 2 and is nicknamed the "Ladies Bridge".
● China has more English speakers than the United States.
● Chopsticks originated from China approximately 4,000 years ago.
● In 1391, China began producing toliet paper for use by its Emperors.
● The only South East Asian country that has never been colonized by a Western Power is Thailand.
● Mongolia is the least densely populated country in the world with 1.89 people per square kilometer, or around 0.77 people per square mile, in 2014.
Macau (a Special Administrative Region of the People's Republic of China) is the most densely populated country/territory in the world with 54,882 people per square kilometer, circa March 31, 2014.
● Japan has approximately 200 volcanoes and is home to 10% of the active volcanoes in the world.
● At Japan's Yunessun Spa Resort, visitors can go for a swim in their favorite beverage, such as in the Japanese Sake Spa, Green Tea Spa, Coffee Spa and Wine Spa. A massive 2 meter tall teapot with real green tea, real coffee made with hot spring water, a huge 3.6 meter tall wine bottle with real red wine, a huge cask filled with real Japanese sake, pours out the desired rejuvenating elixirs into the spa.
● 99% of Libya's land mass is covered in desert.
● The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
● Papua New Guinea (Ethnic groups: Melanesian, Papuan, Negrito, Micronesian, Polynesian) has the largest number of spoken languages (850 languages circa 2015).
● Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on two continents.
● The San Alfonso del Mar resort in Chile has the world's largest swimming pool. The pool is 1,013 m (3,323 ft) long, covering 8 ha (20 acres), containing some 250 million litres (66 million US gallons) of seawater, with a maximum depth of 11.5 ft (3.5 m).
Earth, Moon, Sun, Stars, Planets:
● Because it takes so long for their light to reach Earth, many of the stars you see at night are long gone.
● The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.
● The sun is 400x further from the earth than the moon, but the moon is 400x smaller than the sun.
● The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.
● Due to earth's gravity, it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.
● There is more fresh water under the earth's surface than there is above it.
● There is a glacier called "Blood Falls" in Antarctica that regularly pours out red liquid, making it look like the ice is bleeding. (It's actually oxidised salty water.)
● Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
● Venus rotates so slowly, you can watch the sunset forever just by walking.
● A comet's tail always points away from the sun.
● If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
● Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.
● A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun's surface.
● There are 500,000 detectable earthquakes in the world each year.
● The average cloud weighs over a million pounds.
● The largest snowflake ever recorded reportedly measured 15 inches across.
● Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w the film down so you could see his moves.
● Once Charlie Chaplin entered a contest for "Charlie Chaplin look-alikes" and he came in third.
● Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
● The month of October is not mentioned at all in any of William Shakespeare's plays.
● Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
● Canadians James Till and Ernest McCulloch are credited with the discovery of the stem cell.
● Insulin, a hormone produced by the pancreas was first isolated at the University of Toronto, Canada, in 1921-22 by Dr. Frederick Banting and Charles Best.
● It is now the year 2018. If you were born in between 1990 to 1999, then you have lived 3 Decades, 2 Centuries and 2 Millenniums and you are not even 30 years old yet.
● In 1567, the man said to have the longest beard in the world died after he tripped over his beard running away from a fire.
● A family of people with blue skin lived in Kentucky for many generations. The Fulgates of Troublesome Creek are thought to have gained their blue skin through combination of inbreeding and a rare genetic condition known as methemoglobinemia.
● Everyone has a unique smell, except for identical twins, who smell the same.
● Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
● If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
● One out of 20 people have an extra rib. See Cervical rib from Wikipedia.
● Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles per hour.
● The body's strongest muscle is our tongue. It is the only muscle in our body that is attached at only one end. Also, there are no two tongue prints that are alike.
● Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
● A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.
● It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
● Fingernails grow nearly four times faster than toenails.
● Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
● Women blink nearly twice as much as men due to the higher levels of the hormone estrogen within their system.
● Men are six times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
● A U.S. park ranger named Roy C. Sullivan held the record for being struck by lightning the most times, having been struck - and surviving - seven times between 1942 and 1977. He died of a self-inflicted gunshot in 1983.
● What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? Answer: All were invented by women.
● Your left lung is smaller than your right lung to make room for your heart.
● Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side.
● Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
● Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you are not.
● It is impossible to lick your elbow. Note: This "fact" has been proven wrong. YouTube has since replaced old incorrect video with You CAN lick your elbow. YouTube video, 1:00 min. Published by Paszczur Paszczurnowski, Jul 16, 2009.
See also: Things Most Humans Can't Do (TEST). YouTube video, 12:12 min. Published by Good Mythical Morning, Mar 11, 2015.
● Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
● The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.
● Cells multiply by dividing.
● Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
● Eyes are richly supplied with blood and nutrients and eye wounds heal quickly as compared to other tissues.
● Blue colored tissues exist under all brown colored eyes and there is a Laser procedure which can change the color of the eyes from brown to blue.
● The tooth is the only part of the human body that can't heal itself.
● The Romans used to clean and whiten their teeth with urine. Apparently it works. Please don't do it, though.
● A person's height is determined by the father, and weight is determined by the mother.
● If you weigh 200 pounds on Earth, you'll be only 76 pounds on Mars. You're not overweight, you're just not on the right planet.
● Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'
● You replace every particle in your body every seven years. You are literally not the same person you were 7 years ago.
● The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as an encyclopedia.
● Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb.
● Though it interprets pain signals from the rest of the body, the brain itself cannot feel pain.
● Your brain uses 20% of the oxygen that enters your bloodstream, and is itself made up of 80% water.
● Like fingerprints, every individual has an unique tongue print that can be used for identification.
● The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood Plasma.
● There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing: food, attractive people, and danger.
● Our body gives enough heat in 30 minutes to boil 1.5 liters of water.
● If a part of your body "falls asleep", you can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.
● A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it has been decapitated.
● Corpses can get goosebumps.
● You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.
● Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.
● In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase: "Goodnight, sleep tight."
● The colder the room you sleep in, the higher the chances are that you'll have a bad dream.
● People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don't.
● It takes 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown.
● A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands. There are about a trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
● Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.
● If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
● Every three days, a human stomach gets a new lining.
● Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
● Humans are born with 300 bones in their body, however, when a person reaches adulthood, he or she only has 206 bones. This occurs because many of them join together to make a single bone.
● The average life span of a single red blood cell is 120 days.
● The most common blood type in the world is Type O. The rarest blood type, called HH, was first discovered in Bombay in 1952, and hence christened as Bombay Blood. People who carry this rare blood type, about 1 in 10,000 Indians, can accept blood only from another Bombay Blood type individual, and not from anyone who is O, A, B or AB type.
● The palms of your hands and the soles of your feet cannot tan, or grow hair.
● By 60 years of age, 60% of men and 40% of women will snore.
● By the age of 60, most people will have lost about half their taste buds.
● Half of all humans who have ever lived, died from malaria.
● The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.
● Laziness and inactivity kill just as many people as smoking.
● About one third of the human race has 20-20 vision. (Excluding those who had cataract surgeries).
● When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.
● The five senses: Virtually every child since the time of Aristotle has learned about the five senses in school. As it turns out, five is just the start: humans can sense much more than light, smell, sound, taste, and touch. We also perceive such essential qualities as temperature (thermoreception), pain (nociception), balance (equilibrioception), the position of our bodies (proprioception), the passage of time (temporal perception), and many inner states, such as hunger and thirst (interoception).
● If 33 million people held hands, they could make it all the way around the equator.
● See also: 51 Favorite Facts You've Always Believed That Are Actually False by David McCandless, Jan. 5, 2020.
Law, History, and Other Irrelevant Info:
● In California, it is illegal for a vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 miles per hour.
● In Chicago, it is illegal for anyone to eat in a place that is on fire.
● In Devon, Texas, it is against the law to make furniture while you are nude.
● In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.
● In Miami, Florida, imitating animals is illegal.
● In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.
● In Oklahoma, it is illegal to make faces at a dog, a crime that could result in a prison sentence.
● In San Francisco, it's illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
● In South Carolina, it is legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
● In Tennessee, you are breaking the law if you drive while sleeping.
● In British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a Sasquatch or Bigfoot if one is ever found.
● In England, it is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the King or Queen upside down.
● In Germany, it is illegal to stop on an autobahn (expressway). It is also illegal to run out of gas on an autobahn.
● In France, it is illegal to name a pig "Napoleon".
● In France, it is stated as illegal to marry a dead person.
● In Samoa, it is a crime to forget your own wife's birthday.
● In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be sentenced to death by firing squad.
● In Singapore, chewing gum is illegal. Spitting in public is also illegal and can result in arrest.
● In Bangladesh, children age 15 and older can be sent to jail for cheating on their final exams.
● In Lebanon, if a man is caught having sex with a male animal, the penalty is death. Sex with a female animal is okay.
● In Thailand it is illegal to step on money because it has the image of the king on it and stepping on it signifies disrespect.
● In Hong Kong, there's a law that allows a wife to kill her husband if she finds him cheating. However, she must kill him with her bare hands.
● The only two states where divorce is illegal are the Philippines and The Vatican.
● In Fiji, public nudity and topless bathing are illegal.
● In Saudi Arabia, there is no minimum age for marriage. In 2008, a Saudi court refused an 8-year-old girl, who asked for a divorce from her 58-year-old husband.
● The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
● The stethoscope was invented because a French doctor felt uncomfortable placing his face on a younger woman's chest.
● The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off.
● The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
● The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
● The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
● If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
● The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.
● In 1631, two London bible printers accidentally left the word "not" out of the seventh commandment, which then read, "Thou shalt commit adultery." This legendary book is now known as the "Wicked Bible."
Letters, Numbers, Dates, Language:
● Wordle - A FREE daily 5-letter word guessing game created (Oct 2021) by Josh Wardle, who named it "Wordle" as a pun on his surname. Born in Wales, Josh Wardle is an artist, product manager and software engineer in Brooklyn, NY. Each daily game uses a word from a randomly-ordered list of 2,315 words (out of the 12,000 five-letter words in the English language). You can play once per day. Simply enter a random five-letter word to get started. Letters are GREEN if they are correct, YELLOW if they are correct but in the wrong spot, or GREY if they are not in the word at all. Try to figure out the word within six guesses. Wordle uses American spelling. It is ad-free and free to play with no time limit.
The New York Times Buys Wordle by Marc Tracy, Jan 31, 2022. The New York Times Co. has announced that it's acquired Wordle for an amount "in the low seven figures." The Times said that the game will "initially remain free to new and existing players."
WORDLE Answers - Google Photos of some solved Wordle puzzles.
● In the English language, this word has only one vowel, which occurs six times: "indivisibility."
● The words "abstemious" and "facetious" both have all five vowels "a, e, i, o, u" in them in order.
● The word "queueing" has five consecutive vowels.
● There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
● The word "SWIMS" upside-down is still "SWIMS."
● The word "WE" upside-down becomes "ME."
● "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
● Words that have no rhyme in the English language include: orange, silver, purple, month, ninth, pint, wolf, opus, dangerous, marathon and discombobulate.
● Someone said, "Nothing rhymes with orange." I said, "No, it doesn't."
● The pound sign (#) on the keyboard is called an octothorpe. (Technical term for a hashtag according to the Oxford English Dictionary; octo, in reference to the eight points in the figure, and Thorpe, from "the surname Thorpe.")
● The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog. ~ English-language pangram (a sentence that contains all 26 letters of the English alphabet). See List of Pangrams by Richard Rutter, Oct 30, 2014.
- Watch "Jeopardy!", Alex Trebek's fun TV quiz game. ~ English-language pangram.
- By Jove, my quick study of lexicography won a prize! ~ English-language pangram.
- Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. ~ English-language pangram by Mark Dunn.
- Jackdaws love my big sphinx of quartz. ~ English-language pangram.
- The five boxing wizards jump quickly. ~ English-language pangram.
● "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" is the longest word entered in the most trusted English dictionaries.
● "Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia" is the fear of long words.
● "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
● "Typewriter" is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
● The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
● The words "racecar," "kayak" and "level" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
● The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
● Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
The Germans got this right. The letter W is pronounced double V and not double U in German.
● If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
● The letter "J" does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
● "I." is the shortest sentence, and "I am." is the second shortest complete sentence in the English language.
● The abbreviation Xmas for the word Christmas is of Greek origin, as the word for Christ in the Greek language is Xristos.
● If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
Answer: One thousand.
● If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
● Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.
● Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing? Because 10+10 is twenty, and 11+11 is twenty too.
● Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.
● One barrel of petroleum holds 42 gallons.
● No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
● Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
● If you started working for a penny a day with the stipulation that your pay doubled each day, you'd be a millionaire in less than a month. (On the 21st day, you would be making $1,048,576.00).
● Issued as Australian legal tender, the most valuable coin in the world is a $1 million coin made by Perth Mint, which weights one tonne and is 99.99% pure gold. It is actually worth almost $52 million ($40.8 million USD).
● February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
● If 2/2/22 (February 2, 2022) falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it "2's Day." ~ Shucks, it falls on a Wednesday. February 2, 2122 falls on a Monday. February 2, 2222 falls on a Saturday. But we'll call 2/2/22 "2's Day" anyway.
● People born on February 29 are called "leaplings" or "leapers".
● April is the only month with an "i" in its name.
● A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
● A 2 x 4 is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".
● 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
● There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
● The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that it breaks the sound barrier. The crack of the whip is actually a tiny sonic boom.
● Gold is the only metal that does not rust, even if it is buried in the ground for thousands of years.
● Almost all of the gold on Earth comes from outer space. It is actually a part of various meteors that have hit the planet over the first 200 million years of its life.
● Gold is the only metal in the world that has a natural yellow or golden color. While other metals might also turn yellow, this can only be done by oxidizing the metal or combined with other materials.
● Gold is a unique metal for having an almost unlimited number of uses beyond just being a monetary and symbolic commodity. It is also used for everything from electronics to medicine and even radiation. Gold can also be melted and repurposed as much as needed without losing quality or effectiveness.
● Gold is the world's most malleable metal, to the point where just one ounce of gold can be beaten into a 300-square-foot sheet thin enough to see-through.
● If you take all of the gold that was ever mined by people since the beginning of human civilization, you will end up with a box that weighs 187,200 tons (374,400,000 lb) and is about 21 cubic meters in volume.
Note: The North American ton (only used in the United States and Canada) is equal to 2,000 pounds or 907.1847 kg. It is sometimes referred to as the "short ton" or "net ton".
The British ton (Imperial system of weights and measures) is equal to 2,240 pounds or 1,016.047 kg. It is sometimes referred to as the "long ton", "weight ton" or "gross ton".
A "tonne" is equal to 1,000 kg. In the United States and Canada, it may be referred to as a "metric ton".
● Graphene, the world's strongest material, is a million times thinner than paper, but 200 times stronger than steel.
● Pearls dissolve in vinegar.
● Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
● Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
● The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Percy Spencer)
● Brass doorknobs automatically disinfect themselves in about 8 hours.
● Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.
● The more a person struggles to get out of quicksand the faster he or she will sink. Staying still, and being calm will actually make the body float in the quicksand because the body is less dense than the quicksand. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
● For more strange facts, check out Weird Facts
● 175 Random Facts So Interesting You'll Say, "OMG!" By Alex Daniel, Best Life, Mar. 19, 2021.
● 100 Totally Useless Facts That Are Too Entertaining for Words
● Totally Useless Knowledge
● The Official Useless Knowledge LIST
● Usefulness of Useless Knowledge
● Great Facts.
● A few interesting KickassFacts.
414. If you care too much about what other people think, you will always be their prisoner. ~ Unknown.
415. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. ~ Charles M. Schulz.
416. Be yourself, everyone else is taken. ~ Oscar Wilde.
417. Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else. ~ Judy Garland.
418. Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. ~ Claud Cockburn.
419. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ~ Helen Rowland.
420. A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her. ~ Helen Rowland.
421. Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. ~ Swedish Proverb.
422. Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible. ~ Corrie ten Boom (1892 - 1983).
423. Faith is to believe what we do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what we believe. ~ Saint Augustine.
424. He alone, who owns the youth, gains the Future! ~ Adolf Hitler, speech at the Reichsparteitag, 1935.
425. Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense. ~ Adolf Hitler.
426. People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do. ~ Adolf Hitler.
427. If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed. ~ Adolf Hitler.
428. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. ~ Confucius.
429. I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. ~ Confucius.
430. In a country well governed, poverty is something to be ashamed of. In a country badly governed, wealth is something to be ashamed of. ~ Confucius.
431. It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them. ~ Confucius.
432. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.~ Confucius.
433. To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. ~ Confucius.
434. What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. ~ Confucius.
Do unto others as you would have them do to you. ~ English golden rule.
435. When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. ~ Confucius.
436. Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men. ~ Confucius.
437. Nothing is untouchable. ~ Michael Phelps.
438. May your troubles be less,
And your blessings be more,
And nothing but happiness,
Come through your door. ~ Irish Blessing.
439. May you have the hindsight to know where you've been,
The foresight to know where you're going,
And the insight to know when you're going too far. ~ Irish Blessing.
440. May your pockets be heavy,
And your heart be light.
May good luck pursue you
Each morning and night. ~ Irish Blessing.
● Never iron a four leaf clover. You don't want to press your luck. ~ Indian Hills Community Center.
441. May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live. ~ Irish Blessing.
442. May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you, and heaven accept you. ~ Irish Blessing.
443. As you slide down the banisters of life,
May the splinters never point the wrong way. ~ Irish Blessing.
444. May the roof above us never fall in,
And may we friends gathered below never fall out. ~ Irish Blessing.
445. May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings,
Slow to make enemies,
Quick to make friends.
But rich or poor, quick or slow,
May you know nothing but happiness from this day foward. ~ Irish Blessing.
446. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. ~ Sun Tzu, Chinese philosopher.
447. The more you know, the more you realize you know nothing. ~ Socrates.
The more I learn, the less I know. ~ Unknown.
To be is to do. ~ Socrates.
To do is to be. ~ Jean-Paul Sartre.
Do be do be do. ~ Frank Sinatra.
448. Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. ~ H. G. Wells.
449. Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations. ~ Edward de Bono.
● I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could remember where I hid them. ~ Unknown.
450. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ~ Albert Einstein.
451. There are no facts, only interpretations. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
452. Try to learn something about everything and everything about something. ~ Thomas Henry Huxley.
453. Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.
454. If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. ~ J. Paul Getty.
455. Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. ~ Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle).
456. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. ~ James Branch Cabell.
457. A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. ~ John D. Rockefeller.
458. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. ~ Antoine de Saint Exupery.
459. In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience. ~ W.B. Prescott.
460. Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. ~ Voltaire.
461. Never mistake motion for action. ~ Ernest Hemingway.
462. Well done is better than well said. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
463. Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. ~ William Congreve (1670-1729). Spoken by Zara in Act III, Scene VIII in The Mourning Bride (1697).
Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned. ~ William Congreve (in modern English).
Commonly paraphrased as "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
464. Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity. ~ Irving Kristol.
465. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. ~ Mark Twain.
466. The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes.
467. Love is friendship set on fire. ~ Jeremy Taylor.
Hen Rescues Rooster from TikTok, Feb 25, 2023. Video, 0:56 min. Fun video to watch. Or watch the same video from YouTube by DT Discovery.
468. If you are reading it, it's History.
If you are hearing it, it's News. ~ 680 News.
469. Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. ~ T.S. Elliot.
470. Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. ~ Barack Obama.
471. It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~ George Eliot.
472. One person with a belief is equal to a force of 99 who have only interests. ~ John Stuart Mill.
473. Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy. ~ Wayne Gretzky.
474. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. ~ Confucius.
475. Respect yourself and others will respect you. ~ Confucius.
476. When anger rises, think of the consequences. ~ Confucius.
477. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. ~ Rick Cook.
478. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
479. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
480. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Statistics show that the people who have the most birthdays live the longest. ~ Larry Lorenzoni.
481. The mark of wisdom lies, more than anything else, in the ability to listen. ~ Buddhist quote.
482. A person's true nature is revealed at times of the greatest adversity. ~ Buddhist quote.
483. Remaining silent in the face of injustice is the same as supporting it. ~ Buddhist quote.
484. In the fight between justice and evil, taking a neutral stance and being indifferent is the same as siding with evil. ~ Buddhist quote.
485. A lack of gratitude is a sign of arrogance. ~ Buddhist quote.
486. Those who have suffered the most have the right to the greatest happiness. ~ Buddhist quote.
487. There may be a retirement age at work, but there is no retirement age in life. ~ Buddhist quote.
488. The day your horse dies and your money's lost, your relatives change to strangers. ~ Chinese saying.
489. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. ~ Chinese proverb.
490. A day of sorrow is longer than a month of joy. ~ Chinese saying.
491. Human rights start with recognizing the importance of every individual. ~ Buddhist quote.
492. Human rights, democracy and peace are a single entity. When one disintegrates, they all disintegrate. ~ Buddhist quote.
493. No human being can escape the eternal rhythms of life: birth, aging, sickness, death. The crucial thing is not to be defeated by them. ~ Buddhist quote.
494. The worst mistake you can make is to give up on yourself and stop challenging yourself for fear of failure. ~ Buddhist quote.
● You and only you are responsible for your life choices and decisions. ~ Robert T. Kiyosaki.
● The best decisions aren't made with your mind, but with your instinct. ~ Lionel Messi.
● Our lives will depend upon the decisions which we make, for decisions determine destiny. ~ Thomas S. Monson.
495. The greatest tragedy in life is not to die, it is to live as if dead, to let the life within us wither. ~ Buddhist quote.
496. Human beings are inherently endowed with the power to bring out the best possible results from the worst possible circumstances. ~ Buddhist quote.
497. When you hold fast to your beliefs and live true to yourself, your true value as a human being shines through. ~ Buddhist quote.
498. A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each other's hopes and dreams. ~ Buddhist quote.
499. It is important to remember that aging and growing old are not necessarily the same. ~ Buddhist quote.
500. For both victor and vanquished, war leaves only a sense of endless futility. ~ Buddhist quote.
War is a defeat for humanity. ~ Pope John Paul II (18 May 1920 - 2 April 2005).
War is when the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other. ~ Niko Bellic.
War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. ~ Jimmy Carter.
Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. ~ Ernest Hemingway.
War is organized murder, and nothing else. ~ Harry Patch, Last surviving soldier of World War I.
How is it possible to have a civil war? ~ George Carlin.
No matter what political reasons are given for war, the underlying reason is always economic. ~ A.J.P. Taylor.
In war, you can only be killed once, but in politics, many times. ~ Winston Churchill.
Those who are at war with others are not at peace with themselves. ~ William Hazlitt.
501. Each religion can be made a force for good or for evil by the people who practice it. ~ Buddhist quote.
502. It is in the midst of suffering and hardship that strength of character is formed. ~ Buddhist quote.
503. Gold is gold, no matter how muddied it becomes. The truth always wins out in the end. ~ Buddhist quote.
504. The greatest and most enduring triumph as a human being lies in knowing that one is doing one's best. ~ Buddhist quote.
505. A genuinely happy person is one who has made others happy. ~ Buddhist quote.
506. Choose your thoughts carefully. Keep what brings you peace, release what brings you suffering. And know that happiness is just a thought away. ~ Nishan Panwar.
507. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
508. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~ Sam Ewing.
509. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. ~ Charles Schulz.
510. I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~ George Carlin.
511. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~ Robert Frost.
512. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~ Lucille Ball.
513. Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~ Leroy "Satchel" Paige.
514. In youth, the days are short and the years are long;
In old age, the years are short and the days long. ~ Nikita Ivanovich Panin.
515. Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~ Unknown.
516. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~ John Barrymore.
517. Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age. ~ Victor Hugo.
518. The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. ~ Judith Regan.
519. The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. ~ Mark Twain.
520. Death isn't the end. It's just a change. ~ Dr. Shelly Sarwal, passed away on Aug. 31, 2018 at age 48. Her organ donation saved three lives and she donated her brain to research.
Watch Her Last Project. CBC's point-of-view documentary series, video, 44:08 min.
Take Your Love. YouTube video, 4:16 min.
521. What you cannot avoid, welcome. ~ Chinese proverb.
522. You are younger today than you ever will be again. Make use of it for the sake of tomorrow. ~ Anonymous.
523. As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. ~ Erma Bombeck.
524. Like a lot of fellows around here, I have a furniture problem. My chest has fallen into my drawers. ~ Billy Casper.
525. One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you've become harmless. ~ Liz Smith.
526. Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places. ~ Unknown.
527. We are always the same age inside. ~ Gertrude Stein.
528. A man is as old as he's feeling,
A woman as old as she looks. ~ Mortimer Collins.
529. Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. ~ Henry Ford.
530. No one grows old by living, only by losing interest in living. ~ Marie Beynon Ray.
531. Speak clearly, if you speak at all;
Carve every word, before you let it fall. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
● Swiftest horse cannot overtake the word once spoken. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Four horses cannot overtake the tongue. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Water and words are easy to pour but impossible to recover. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Look before you leap. ~ Idiom.
● Denke, bevor du sprichst. ~ German saying. Translation: Think before you speak.
● Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ~ Abraham Lincoln.
● It's better to be silent than be a fool. ~ Harper Lee.
● Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. ~ Proverbs 29:20.
Note: Almost all Chinese proverbs listed below can be expressed in just four Chinese characters.
532. An inch of time is an inch of gold, but you can't buy that inch of time with an inch of gold. ~ Chinese proverb.
533. Facts beat eloquence. ~ Chinese proverb.
534. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. ~ Chinese proverb.
535. Every step makes a footprint. ~ Chinese proverb.
536. In the midst of great joy, do not promise to give a man anything; in the midst of great anger, do not answer a man's letter. ~ Chinese proverb.
537. If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. ~ Chinese proverb.
538. Better do it than wish it done. ~ Chinese proverb.
539. Better go to heaven in rags than to hell in embroidery. ~ Chinese proverb.
540. Think of your own faults the first part of the night when you are awake, and the faults of others the latter part of the night when you are asleep. ~ Chinese proverb.
541. Not only can water float a boat, it can sink it also. ~ Chinese proverb.
542. Rivers and mountains may change; human nature, never. ~ Chinese proverb.
543. A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. ~ Chinese proverb.
544. Learning is weightless - a treasure you can always carry easily. ~ Chinese proverb.
545. Learning is a treasure no thief can touch. ~ Chinese proverb.
546. If you are planning for a year, sow rice; if you are planning for a decade, plant trees; if you are planning for a lifetime, educate people. ~ Chinese proverb.
547. It is harder to be poor without complaining than to be rich without boasting. ~ Chinese proverb.
548. He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever. ~ Chinese proverb.
549. Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think. ~ Chinese proverb.
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die. ~ English saying, originally from the Bible, Ecclesiastes VIII 15, King James Version.
550. Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians. ~ Chinese proverb.
551. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. ~ Chinese proverb.
552. Wedlock is a padlock. ~ Chinese proverb.
553. Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. ~ Chinese proverb.
554. Don't count your chickens before they are hatched. ~ Chinese and English proverbs.
555. The woman who tells her real age is either too young to have anything to lose, or too old to have anything to gain. ~ Chinese saying.
556. The less power a man has, the more he likes to use it. ~ Chinese proverb.
557. If you are standing upright, don't worry if your shadow is crooked. ~ Chinese proverb.
● I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees. ~ Euripides.
558. Easier to bend the body than the will. ~ Chinese proverb.
559. A rumour goes in one ear and out many mouths. ~ Chinese proverb.
560. Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. ~ Chinese proverb.
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. ~ English idiom.
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. ~ English idiom.
561. Virtue practiced to be seen is not real virtue; vice which fears to be seen is real vice. ~ Chinese proverb.
562. The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure. ~ Chinese proverb.
563. Judge not the horse by its saddle. ~ Chinese proverb.
Don't judge a book by its cover. ~ English idiom.
You should never judge a book by its cover. Down Syndrome Passenger Rejected. YouTube video, 4:22 min. Published by Dhar Mann, Jun 28, 2021.
564. When you respect others, others will respect you.
When you despise others, others will come to despise you.
When you change, the world around you will change. ~ Buddhist quote.
565. A single word can scar another. ~ Buddhist quote.
566. The important thing is not just to sympathize with or to pity others, but to really understand what they're going through. Empathy is crucial. ~ Buddhist quote.
567. Be not disturbed at being misunderstood; be disturbed at not understanding. ~ Chinese proverb.
568. Hatred corrodes the vessel in which it is stored. ~ Chinese proverb.
569. I dreamed a thousand new paths, I awoke and walked my old one. ~ Chinese saying.
570. None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~ Henry David Thoreau.
571. If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through. ~ Chinese proverb.
572. You cannot lose what you never had. ~ Chinese proverb.
573. The error of one moment becomes the sorrow of a lifetime. ~ Chinese proverb.
574. We can study until old age and still not finish. ~ Chinese proverb.
575. Even a hare will bite when it is cornered. ~ Chinese proverb.
● A drowning man will clutch at a straw. ~ English proverb.
● Even a worm will turn. ~ From William Shakespeare's play Henry VI, Part 3.
576. Cheap things are not good, good things are not cheap. ~ Chinese saying.
● Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people. ~ Warren Buffett.
577. Failing to plan is planning to fail. ~ Chinese saying.
● He who fails to plan is planning to fail. ~ Winston Churchill during World War II.
● The general who wins the battle makes many calculations in his temple before the battle is fought. The general who loses makes but few calculations beforehand. ~ Sun Tzu.
578. Everyone pushes a falling fence. ~ Chinese saying.
● Don't kick a man when he's down. ~ English idiom.
579. If you want happiness for an hour - take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day - go fishing.
If you want happiness for a month - get married.
If you want happiness for a year - inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime - help others. ~ Chinese Proverb.
580. Losing comes of winning money. ~ Chinese saying.
● On investing in the stock market: Selling your winners and holding your losers is like cutting the flowers and watering the weeds. ~ Peter Lynch.
581. Transgressions should never be forgiven a third time. ~ Chinese saying.
582. Defer not till tomorrow what may be done today. ~ Chinese saying.
583. A courageous foe is better than a cowardly friend. ~ Chinese proverb.
584. You want no one to know it? Then don't do it. ~ Chinese saying.
585. Happy people never count hours as they pass. ~ Chinese saying.
586. A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. ~ Chinese saying.
587. Do not all you can; spend not all you have; believe not all you hear; and tell not all you know, ~ Chinese saying.
588. A bad workman blames his tools. ~ Chinese saying.
589. A clever person turns great troubles into little ones and little ones into none at all. ~ Chinese saying.
590. Corporations have neither bodies to be punished nor souls to be damned. ~ Chinese saying.
591. If you suspect a man, don't employ him; and if you employ him, don't suspect him. ~ Chinese saying.
592. Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~ Roger Caras.
593. If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. ~ Unknown.
594. Everything I need to know I learned from my dog: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. ~ Anonymous.
595. A husband complains to a marriage counselor: "When we were first married, I would come home from work, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years, it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" says the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
596. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~ Franklin P. Jones.
597. Dogs have so many friends because they wag their tails, not their tongues. ~ Chinese saying.
598. A dog won't forsake his master because of poverty; a son never deserts his mother because of her homely appearance. ~ Chinese saying.
599. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. ~ Andy Rooney.
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. ~ Mark Twain.
Lock your friend in a closet and your dog in another closet. Come back in 3 days and see which one is happy to see You! ~ Larry F.
600. Semper Fidelis. ~ Latin for "Always Faithful" or "Always Loyal", motto of the United States Marine Corps, sometimes shortened to Semper Fi.
● You don't earn loyalty in a day. You earn loyalty day-by-day. ~ Jeffrey Gitomer.
601. Better go than send. ~ Chinese saying.
602. If you can't change your fate, change your attitude. ~ Chinese proverb.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. ~ Maya Angelou.
602. A man must first become despicable before he is despised. ~ Chinese proverb.
603. There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. ~ Chinese saying.
604. Once bitten by a snake, a person is frightened at the mere sight of a rope for a lifetime. ~ Chinese saying.
● Once bitten, twice shy. ~ English idiom.
605. A smile will gain you ten more years of life. ~ Chinese saying.
See also: House Rules.
606. There are always ears on the other side of the wall. ~ Chinese saying.
607. Follow the local custom when you enter a village. ~ Chinese proverb.
● When in Rome, do as the Romans do. ~ English idiom.
● Andere Länder, andere Sitten. (Translated: Other countries, other manners.) ~ German saying.
608. Tens of thousands of bones will become ashes when one general achieves his fame. ~ Chinese proverb.
Kill one man and you're a murderer. Kill a million and you're a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand.
609. Attack is the best defence. ~ Chinese proverb.
The best defense is a good offense. ~ English saying.
610. If you are in a hurry you will never get there. ~ Chinese proverb.
More haste, less speed. ~ English idiom.
611. Your neigbour's wife looks prettier than your own. ~ Chinese proverb.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. ~ English proverb.
612. Strike while the iron is hot. ~ Chinese proverb.
Man muss das Eisen schmieden, solange es heiß ist. (Translated: One should strike while the iron's hot.) ~ German saying.
Make hay while the sun shines. ~ English idiom.
613. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
614. Kill two eagles with one arrow. ~ Chinese proverb.
● Kill two birds with one stone. ~ English idiom.
615. I changed my iPad name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
616. I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical. ~ Arthur C Clarke.
617. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
618. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
619. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
620. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
621. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
● People don't sympathize when your books fall to the floor because you have only your shelf to blame.
622. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
623. They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
624. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
625. Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
626. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
627. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
628. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
629. I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
630. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
631. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
632. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
633. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
634. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
● My job search
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice Factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it as it was just a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any which way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was as a Musician, but eventually learned that I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied for a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.
9. Next, I got a job working in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized that there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
15. So, I tried Retirement and found that I'm perfect for the job. The only trouble is that I never get a day off.
635. Cartoonist found dead, details are sketchy.
636. Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
637. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
638. iCame, iSaw, iConquered. ~ "Steve Jobs" from Joe Heller's cartoon. Computer language translated into Latin: veni vidi vici.
639. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. ~ Steve Jobs.
● In the world of business, the people who are most successful are those who are doing what they love. ~ Warren Buffet.
640. Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower. ~ Steve Jobs.
641. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. ~ Steve Jobs.
642. My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world. ~ Jack Layton (August 20, 2011) Letter to Canadians.
643. Anita Moorjani, author of the book "Dying To Be Me". Anita Moorjani is a living proof that this is real: "Love yourself. You start by loving yourself. Life is a gift. It really is a gift. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Find your joy, and live your life with passion every day. Live it fully. You don't have to fear death."
644. How to Be Yourself from KarmaTube, video 2:42 min. "Be happy. Follow your head. Find a new perspective. Have a sense of wonder. Find people you love. Set goals. Help others. Dance. Pamper yourself. Face your fears. Go to a museum. Exercise. Limit television. Get in touch with nature. Lighten up. Get a good night's sleep. Read books. Buy yourself flowers. Don't compare yourself with others. Don't beat yourself up. Be open to new ideas. Don't focus on regative thoughts. Focus on creating what you desire. Make time just to have fun. Keep the romance in your life.
● Gratitude List: 200+ Things to Be Grateful For by Rachel Sharpe, declutterthemind.com, June 9, 2022.
● How to Make a Gratitude List. Co-authored by Sandra Possing, wikiHow, Oct 5, 2020. If you want to feel more optimistic and lead a more mindful lifestyle, making gratitude lists might be a great exercise for you ... After a few weeks, you may start noticing the positive changes in your life.
645. Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
646. Egotist: A person who is usually me-deep in conversation.
647. Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
648. Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.
649. Raisin: A grape with a sunburn.
650. Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.
651. Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
652. Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
653. Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed without a word.
654. Wrinkles: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
655. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. ~ C.S. Lewis.
656. Zuviel Demut ist Hochmut. ~ Sprichwort.
Translated from German: Too much humility is pride. ~ German proverb.
657. Lost time can never be found. ~ Unknown. Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have.
658. Out of the mouths of babes (oft times come gems). ~ English saying.
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings. ~ Matthew 21:16 and Psalm 8:2.
Kids Say the Darndest Things. ~ American comedy series hosted by Bill Cosby, 1995, 1998-2000.
659. James (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
Baby Reads Funny Story to Daddy. Hilarious video from YouTube, 1:14 min. (bebe-leyendo-baby reading and laughing with her Daddy).
660. Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly. ~ Sam Keen.
661. There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination, only one side gets what it wants; by compromise, neither side gets what it wants; by integration, we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish. ~ Mary Parker Follett.
662. The way you get to know yourself is by the expression on other people's faces. ~ Gil Scott Heron.
663. Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not. ~ Oprah Winfrey.
663. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. ~ Mark Twain.
664. When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free. ~ Charles Evan Hughes.
665. To change who you are, change who you think you are. ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie.
666. If Christianity is wine and Islam coffee, Buddhism is most certainly tea. ~ Alan Watts.
Life Is Like a Cup of Coffee. YouTube video, 3:31 min. Published by Chris Cade, Feb 6, 2009.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything.
They just make the best of everything! Live simply. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Love generously.
Life is like coffee. YouTube video, 3:13 min. Published by Ozarks Sentinel, May 23, 2013.
667. A positive mind finds a way it can be done; a negative mind looks for all the ways it can't be done. ~ Napoleon Hill.
668. What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. ~ Napoleon Hill.
If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it. ~ Jesse Jackson.
669. What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~ Gene Perret.
670. A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television. ~ Unknown.
671. No rain, no rainbows. ~ Unknown.
672. There are two ways to be rich - Make more or desire less. ~ Unknown.
673. He who dies with the most toys, still dies. ~ Unknown.
674. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. ~ Unknown.
● Arguing with a fool proves there are two. ~ Alex Ferman.
675. Live like it's your last day, work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, sing like nobody's listening, and dance like nobody's watching. ~ Mark Twain or Satchel Paige and others.
676. A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~ Phyllis Diller.
677. A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. ~ Phyllis Diller.
678. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. ~ Phyllis Diller.
679. If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. ~ Phyllis Diller.
680. Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. ~ Phyllis Diller.
681. Only the dead have seen the end of war. ~ Translated from German saying: Nur die Toten haben das Ende des Krieges gesehen.
682. On the difference between the words COMPLETE and FINISHED:
"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!" ~ Samsundar Balgobin (Linguist from Guyana).
683. Newspaper Bloopers and Funnies: Newspaper Headline Goofs, Funny News Headlines, Another Batch of Funny Newspaper Headlines.
● Homicide victims rarely talk to police.
● Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.
● Pregnant girls are vulnerable to weight gain.
● Diana was still alive hours before she died.
● 17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree.
● USED TOMBSTONE, perfect for someone named HoenerHendelBergenHeinzel. One only.
● Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee.
● Man competent enough to be declared insane.
● Former potato chip factory burned to a crisp.
● Include Your Children When Baking Cookies.
● Students cook and serve grandparents.
● Parents keep kids home to protest school closure.
● Barbershop singers bring joy to school for deaf.
● Overall, serious crime rate down; but arsons, burglaries, homicides up.
● Body In Duffel Bag; May Be Homicide.
● Psychic arrested again - still didn't see it coming.
● Florida man Tasered in eyeball outside bar called "One Eye Jack's".
● Drunk Gets 9 Months in Violin Case.
● Jail time can hinder job hunt.
● Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney.
● Lawyers back despite use of bug spray.
● Alton attorney accidentally sues himself.
● Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons.
● Man tries armed robbery with knife in gun store.
(A 57-year-old Greenfield man was shot in the chest Thursday during an armed robbery attempt at Buckhorn Guns).
● Fireman giving 'kiss of life' accidentally inhales kitty.
● Hospitals resort to hiring doctors.
● Sister hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose.
(Newpaper headline from Canada).
● To Avoid Snakebites, Avoid Bothering Snakes.
● Tortoise Theft Leaves Owner Shell-Shocked.
● Man with nothing to declare had 55 tortoises in his pants.
(An Oak Hill Community couple discovered a thief in their home Saturday after a man told a joke and heard a laugh upstairs).
● Slowdown continues to accelerate.
● How to Buy a $450,000 Home for Only $750,000.
● Texans support death penalty, but only for the guilty.
● Baltimore City: 52 foot officers to patrol violent neighborhoods.
● Senior Center holds Old Bag Sale.
● Food linked to all eating disorders.
● Greenland meteorite may be from space.
● China may be using sea to hide its submarines.
● Strong wind blows Fiddler off the roof.
(George Fiddler is a parks and recreation department employee).
● 'We hate math,' say 4 in 10 - a majority of Americans.
● Quintuplets born 15 months early.
● Couple wed Christmas Day 60 decades ago.
● Fisherman arrested for using wife as shark bait.
● Lost language found, but no one can read it.
684. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~ Mark Twain.
Watch: The Night Trial in New York in 1935 - Based on a true story. YouTube video, 3:43 min.
685. Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~ Dalai Lama.
● Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle. ~ Plato.
686. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. ~ James Keller and/or Erin Majors.
687. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. ~ Unknown.
688. Once you carry your own water, you will learn the value of every drop. ~ Unknown.
689. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. ~ Albert Einstein.
690. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~ Will Rogers.
691. In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back. ~ Charles M. Schulz.
692. Great things are done by a series of small things brought together. ~ Vincent Van Gogh.
693. Just because it's in print doesn't mean it's the gospel. ~ Michael Jackson.
694. I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. ~ Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943.
695. There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. ~ Ken Olson, founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.
696. The things we truly love stay with us always, locked in our hearts as long as life remains. ~ Josephine Baker.
697. Ignorance is bliss. ~ From Thomas Gray's poem Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College (1742): "Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise."
698. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. ~ From Alexander Pope's An Essay on Criticism (1709) Part II. "A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring."
699. To err is human, to forgive divine. ~ From Alexander Pope's poem: An Essay on Criticism (1709) Part II.
700. For fools rush in where angels fear to tread. ~ From Alexander Pope's poem: An Essay on Criticism (1709) Part III.
701. Flexible people don't get bent out of shape. ~ Unknown.
702. A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you. ~ Margaret Atwood.
703. German: Man sieht nur das, was man weiß. English: You only see what you know. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832).
704. German: Wer nicht vorwärts geht, der kommt zurücke. English: If you're not going forward, you're going backward. ~ J.W. von Goethe, Hermann und Dorothea.
705. German: Besser laufen, als faulen. English: Better to run than to rot. ~ J.W. von Goethe, Reineke Fuchs.
706. From "Why Teachers Drink" - Students' answers to test questions:
● Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U.
● Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit).
● Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
707. Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of people, but from doing something worthwhile. ~ Wilfred T. Grenfell.
708. One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. ~ Sophocles, Greek tragic dramatist (496 - 406 BC).
709. Love is the only service that power cannot command and money cannot buy. ~ Anonymous.
710. Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. ~ Jeanne Moreau.
711. Silent Generation, Baby Boomers, Generation X and Generation Y:
● People born before 1946 were called The Silent and Powerful Generation.
● People born between 1946 and 1964 are called The Baby Boomers.
● People born between 1965 and 1979 are called Generation X.
● And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called Generation Y.
● Y Generation Explained in a Cartoon by French Canadian cartoonist Marc Beaudet, published at Journal de Québec on January 22, 2008.
712. Love is when the silence is comfortable. ~ Douglas Foster.
713. Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools. ~ Albert Einstein.
714. Only a life lived for others is a life worth while. ~ Albert Einstein.
715. Try not to become a person of success, but rather a person of value. ~ Albert Einstein.
716. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. ~ Albert Einstein.
717. When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. ~ Dale Carnegie.
718. She sells seashells on the seashore;
The shells she sells are seashells I'm sure.
So if she sells seashells on the seashore,
Then I'm sure she sells seashore shells. ~ Terry Sullivan's 1908 tongue twister about Mary Anning, the celebrated geologist.
719. How can you tell if a politician is lying? His lips are moving. ~ From German saying: Woran erkennt man, dass ein Politiker lügt? Seine Lippen bewegen sich.
720. You change your life by changing your heart. ~ Max Lucado.
721. Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. ~ Unknown.
722. Be blessed, not stressed. ~ Unknown.
723. May you always have love to share, health to spare, and friends that care. ~ Jack Daniels.
724. One of the secrets of life is to make stepping-stones out of stumbling blocks. ~ Jack Penn.
725. Life is too short for drama or petty things, so laugh hard, love truly and forgive quickly. Live while you are alive. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second time. ~ Unknown.
726. You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. ~ Indira Gandhi.
727. Everyone has three characters: that which one shows, that which one has, and that which one thinks he has. ~ Alphonse Karr.
728. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work. ~ Unknown.
729. When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day. ~ Marty Bucella.
730. If you want something you've never had before, you've got to do something you've never done before. ~ Drina Reed.
731. Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. ~ Harold Coffin.
732. Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again. ~ Og Mandino.
733. Everyone who got where he is had to begin with where he was. ~ Richard L. Evans.
734. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. ~ Dalai Lama.
735. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. ~ Dalai Lama.
736. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. ~ Dalai Lama.
737. Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." ~ Erich Fromm.
738. Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve. ~ Erich Fromm.
739. The best proof of love is trust. ~ Joyce Brothers.
740. Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable. ~ Joyce Brothers.
741. If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. ~ Abraham Maslow.
742. When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. ~ Wayne Dyer.
743. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. ~ Wayne Dyer.
744. You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. ~ Wayne Dyer.
745. The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about. ~ Wayne Dyer.
746. It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either. ~ Wayne Dyer.
747. Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~ Unknown.
748. Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
749. The will of God ... is that men should defeat their enemies by loving them. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship.
750. Never think hard about the Past, it brings tears.
Don't think more about the Future, it brings fears.
Live this moment with a Smile, it brings cheers. ~ Buddha quote.
751. Every test in our life makes us bitter or better. Every problem comes to make us or break us. The choice is ours whether we become victims or victorious. ~ Buddha quote.
752. Search for a beautiful heart, not a beautiful face. Beautiful things are not always good, but good things are always beautiful. ~ Buddha quote.
753. Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears. ~ John Lennon.
754. Today, I am enough. I have enough. I do enough. ~ Unknown.
755. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us. ~ Voltaire, 1694-1778.
756. One of the oldest human needs is having someone wonder where you are when you don't come home at night. ~ Margaret Meade.
757. The less you have, the more precious what you have is. ~ Unknown.
758. I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots. ~ Albert Einstein.
Alternate quote: I fear the day when the technology overlaps with our humanity. The world will only have a generation of idiots. ~ Albert Einstein.
Einstein's greatest fear has arrived ... The day that Albert Einstein feared may have finally arrived.
759. If you cut too many corners, you'll be going in circles. ~ Todd Reaker.
760. Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. ~ Jonathan Kozol.
761. The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID. ~ Melman, Kentucky. (From Pun of the Day).
762. He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz. (From Pun of the Day).
763. Will this computer last five years? Obsoletely! (From Pun of the Day).
764. Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.
765. Three meals plus bedtime make four sure blessings a day. ~ Mason Cooley.
766. It's a shame nothing is built in the USA any more. I just bought a TV and it said, "Built In Antenna". I don't even know where Antenna is. ~ Unknown.
Image source: Family Photo Collection
Image source: Pinterest
767. I scared the mailman today by coming to the door naked. I don't know what scared him more, the fact that I was naked, or that I knew where he lived. ~ Unknown.
768. There are no villains in Batman's city because he Gotham. ~ Unknown.
769. He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~ Epictetus.
770. All humans are 99.9 percent genetically identical, so don't even think of ending any potential relationship with "I just don't think we have enough in common." ~ from The Guardian, quoted in Reader's Digest, Mar 2011, page 50.
● It's probably not that surprising to learn that humans share 98% of our DNA with chimpanzees - but incredibly, we also share 70% with slugs and 50% with bananas.
771. The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. ~ Murphy's Laws.
772. Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. ~ Will Rogers.
● The art of thrifting: If it's not on sale, you don't need it! ~ Bernard Ouelette.
773. You want to OWN things that appreciate and RENT or LEASE things that depreciate. ~ Jeff Stewart, Car Sales Veteran, Kentwood Ford.
774. I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. ~ Marshall McLuhan.
775. The medium is the message. ~ Marshall McLuhan.
776. If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the present. ~ Lao Tzu.
777. Don't worry about tomorrow until it's today. ~ Kyle Kirkland.
778. Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace. ~ Unknown.
● Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. ~ Euripides.
779. Divide and rule, a sound motto. Unite and lead, a better one. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832).
780. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
781. As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
782. We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch. ~ John F. Kennedy.
783. Failure has no friends. ~ John F. Kennedy.
784. Success has many fathers, while failure is an orphan. ~ English proverb.
785. At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; at forty, the judgment. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
786. Think what you do when you run into debt; you give another power over your liberty. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
787. You are never so easily fooled as when you are trying to fool someone else. ~ François de la Rochefoucauld.
788. Failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently. ~ Henry Ford.
789. A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety. ~ Aesop.
790. Cultivate the habit of early rising. It is unwise to keep the head long on a level with the feet. ~ Henry David Thoreau.
791. A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her. ~ David Brinkley.
792. All things in life are temporary. If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don't worry, they can't last long either. ~ Unknown.
793. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
794. The early bird catches the worm. ~ First recorded in John Ray's A collection of English proverbs 1670, 1678: "The early bird catcheth the worm."
795. Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. ~ Henri Bergson (French Philosopher, 1927. Nobel Prize in Literature, 1859-1941).
796. The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend. ~ Henri Bergson.
797. To be kind to all, to like many and love a few, to be needed and wanted by those we love, is certainly the nearest we can come to happiness. ~ Mary Stuart.
798. Don't wait. The time will never be just right. ~ Napoleon Hill (American author, 1883-1970).
799. Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words. ~ Fr. Jerome Cummings.
800. The pen is mightier than the sword. ~ Edward Bulwer-Lytton (1839 for his play Richelieu; Or the Conspiracy).
801. Effort plus motive equals result. ~ P. D. Ouspensky.
802. If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time, don't drag your feet. ~ Arnot L. Sheppard.
803. Prevention is better than cure. ~ Desiderius Erasmus.
804. It's time for us to turn to each other, not on each other. ~ Jesse Jackson.
● A lot of the trouble in the world would disappear if we were talking to each other instead of about each other. ~ Ronald Reagan, 11 April 1984.
805. I only see clearly what I remember. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
806. He who pretends to look upon death without fear, lies. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
807. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
808. He who angers you controls you, therefore you have no control over your anger. ~ Murphy's Laws.
809. The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him. ~ G. K. Chesterton.
810. Action is character. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald (in The Last Tycoon, 1941).
811. Actions lie louder than words. ~ Carolyn Wells.
812. Character is what you do when no one else is looking. ~ Dr. Laura.
813. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions. ~ Unknown.
814. A true friend will remember you for the good and bad times and love you for both. ~ Krissy.
815. Talk slowly but think quickly. ~ Unknown.
816. Men are born with two eyes, but only one tongue, in order that they should see twice as much as they say. ~ Charles Caleb Colton.
817. True friendship is like sound health, the value is seldom appreciated until it is lost. ~ Charles Caleb Colton.
818. When you have nothing to say, say nothing. ~ Charles Caleb Colton.
819. Imitation is the sincerest of flattery. ~ Charles Caleb Colton (Lacon, volume I, no. 183).
820. Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self-importance. ~ Goswami Kriyananda.
821. There are two types of people - those who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are." ~ Frederick L Collins.
822. A day is wasted without laughter. ~ Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort.
See also: House Rules.
823. Generally, the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories. ~ Felix Cohen.
824. Success is not a matter of mastering subtle, sophisticated theory but rather of embracing common sense with uncommon levels of discipline and persistence. ~ Patrick Lencioni.
825. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. ~ Oscar Wilde.
826. The difference between machines and human beings is that human beings can be reproduced by unskilled labor. ~ Arthur C. Clarke.
827. Give the gift of love. It never comes back empty! ~ Unknown.
828. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours; if they don't, they never were. ~ Richard Bach.
829. We only do well the things we like doing. ~ Colette (Prisons and Paradise, 1932).
830. Never blame anyone in your Life. Good people give you Happiness. Bad people give you Experience. Worst people give you a Lesson, and Best people give you memories. ~ Unknown.
831. When I was young, I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill, I am scared of the lights. ~ Funny Pictures.
832. To each his own. ~ English idiom.
● Jedem das Seine. ~ German idiom.
● suum cuique ~ Latin, short for suum cuique pulchrum est ("to each his own is beautiful"). Meaning: Every person is entitled to his or her personal preferences and tastes. ~ Wiktionary.
● To each their own.
● NOTE: Nowadays, in English, the word "they" is used as a gender-neutral singular pronoun - even though some critics argue that "they" should really only be used to refer to plural nouns. ~ A brief history of gender neutral pronouns. BBC News, 22 Sep 2019.
833. The problem with learning from the school of hard knocks is that the test comes first, and the lesson later. ~ Unknown.
834. How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. ~ Anne Frank.
835. No one has ever become poor by giving. ~ Anne Frank.
836. What's the difference between mums and dads? Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work. ~ Answer from a Grade 2 pupil.
837. A foolish man perceives meekness as weakness ~ Terry Miller.
838. Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up. ~ Jesse Jackson.
839. A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- A play on the idiom: "put (one's) foot in (one's) mouth" (to say something stupid). ~ The Free Dictionary.
840. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. ~ Unknown.
841. All friends have faults; forgive a little or have none. ~ Monty Overson.
842. Never regret anything that made you smile. ~ Unknown.
843. Arrogance is the full sister of ignorance. ~ Ruben Zuniga.
844. Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. ~ James Bryant Conant.
845. Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. ~ Idiom.
846. A miss is as good as a mile. ~ Idiom.
847. Close, but no Cigar. ~ Idiom.
848. Courtesy is free. ~ Unknown.
849. Don't dissect a rainbow. ~ Denise LaFrance (Painter).
850. We know accurately only when we know little; with knowledge, doubt increases. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832).
851. Education is just a process by which a person begins to learn how to learn. ~ Jay Huff.
852. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. ~ Victor Borge.
853. There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life - happiness, freedom, and peace of mind - are always attained by giving them to someone else. ~ General Peyton C. March.
854. When you go into Court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. ~ Unknown.
855. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. ~ Mark Twain.
856. The Truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent. ~ William Blake.
857. Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. ~ Chinese Proverb.
858. Learning the hard way makes the lessons more valuable. ~ Monty Overson.
859. Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
860. Now tell me ... Is there any safer way to hide information?
Comments on the above denture memory stick:
● "Is that megabits or mega bites?" ~ Walker Eng.
● "I used to have 32 teeth, now I can have 32 MB. Progress!!??" ~ James Miller.
860. When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land. ~ Desmond Tutu.
861. It's not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change. ~ Charles Darwin.
862. After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~ Italian proverb.
863. Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist:
While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
864. The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Jean Kerr.
865. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip.
866. Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford.
867. Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. ~ Robin Hall.
868. We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. ~ W.H. Auden.
869. I speak two languages, Body and English. ~ Mae West.
870. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
871. Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener. ~ Unknown.
872. If a man's wife is his better half, and he marries twice, what then becomes of him? ~ From WackyWits.com.
873. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~ From WackyWits.com.
874. As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ John Glenn.
875. If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing well. ~ Chinese saying.
● There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. ~ Peter Drucker.
876. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous! ~ From Oxymoronic Statements.
877. Perspective is in the eye of the beholder. ~ From Oxymoronic Statements.
878. Rehab is for quitters! ~ From Oxymoronic Statements.
879. Be more or less specific. ~ From Oxymoronic Statements.
880. Don't be redundant by repeating yourself. ~ From Oxymoronic Statements.
881. I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity. ~ From Oxymoronic Statements.
882. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. ~ Helen Keller.
883. In the end, the only people who fail are those who do not try. ~ Successories.
884. The race for quality has no finish line. ~ Successories.
885. The only limitation to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt.
886. That which we do for ourselves dies with us ... That which we do for others is immortal. ~ Albert Pike.
887. Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't; the other half have nothing to say and keep saying it. ~ Lenny Laskowski, Elements of an Effective Speech.
888. To assess the quality of thoughts of people, don't listen to their words, but watch their actions. ~ Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words.
889. If the police arrest a mute, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
890. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. ~ Unknown.
891. Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God. ~ Ronald Reagan.
892. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
893. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
894. How is it possible to have a civil war?
895. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
896. Can an atheist get insurance against Acts of God?
897. Why do shops have signs that read: "GUIDE DOGS ONLY" when the dogs can't read and their owners are blind?
898. Life should have a purpose, however meaningless.
899. I swear to make no promises I cannot keep.
900. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
901. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
902. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
903. The difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. ~ Ellen Glasgow (1873 - 1945).
The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. ~ Gerald Burrill.
904. The road to success is always under construction. ~ Lily Tomlin.
905. Harte Arbeit führt zum Erfolg! (Trans. from German: Hard work will bring you success!)
● The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary. ~ Vidal Sassoon.
● As a general rule, the most successful man in life is the man who has the best information. ~ Ahead of the Herd.
906. You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. ~ John Bunyan.
907. What Confucius did not say:
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood! ~ Unknown.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
908. If you have nothing else to give, you can always give someone a smile. ~ Unknown.
909. A smile is something you can't give away; it always comes back to you. ~ Unknown.
910. A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~ Charles Gordy.
911. A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home. ~ Unknown.
912. If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. ~ Andy Rooney.
913. Everyone smiles in the same language. ~ Unknown.
914. Wear a smile - one size fits all. ~ Unknown.
915. Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. ~ George Eliot.
916. Every smile makes you a day younger. ~ Chinese Proverb.
917. Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available. ~ Jim Beggs.
918. A smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. ~ Unknown.
919. More smiling, less worrying.
More compassion, less judgment.
More blessed, less stressed.
More love, less hate. ~ Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart.
920. Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours. ~ Swedish Proverb.
921. Love is blind; hate is deaf. ~ Unknown.
922. No one can hate you more than someone who used to love you. ~ Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus.
● Stronger than lover's love is lover's hate. Incurable, in each, the wounds they make. ~ Euripides.
923. From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate. ~ Socrates.
● Take care that no one hates you justly. ~ Publilius Syrus.
● End discrimination. Hate everybody. ~ Elle Eden.
924. Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832).
925. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. ~ Jimmy Johnson.
926. There's a right way and a wrong way to do everything, and the wrong way is to keep trying to make everybody else do it the right way. ~ Colonel Potter in M*A*S*H.
927. The only way you may correct the bad things in your past is to add better things to your future. ~ Shiloh Morrison.
928. Dare to be imperfect and one day there will tug at your sleeve a soulmate. ~ Robert Brault.
929. Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise. ~ Unknown.
930. Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. ~ Robert Frost.
931. Dig the well before you are thirsty. ~ Chinese Proverb.
932. To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. ~ Chinese Proverb.
933. When you throw dirt, you lose ground. ~ Texan Proverb.
934. Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. ~ Publilius Syrus.
935. The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist. ~ Anonymous. (from Cool Funny Quotes).
936. No idea is so antiquated that it was not once modern. No idea is so modern that it will not someday be antiquated. ~ Ellen Glasgow.
937. Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. ~ Ernest Hemingway.
938. I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one. ~ George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one. ~ Winston Churchill, in response.
939. He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. ~ Winston Churchill.
940. Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you're finished. ~ Leslie Nielsen.
941. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark. ~ Unknown.
942. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. ~ Unknown.
943. A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~ Douglas Adams.
944. When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, "Four. I don't think I can eat eight." ~ Yogi Berra.
945. Greed over small gains brings big losses. ~ Chinese idiom.
Don't be penny-wise and pound-foolish. ~ English idiom.
Take care of the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves. ~ English proverb.
946. In war, there can be no substitute for victory. ~ General Douglas MacArthur.
947. Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you will live forever. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.
948. 12 Steps to Self-Care:
1. If it feels wrong, don't do it.
2. Say "exactly" what you mean.
3. Don't be a people pleaser.
4. Trust your instincts.
5. Never speak bad about yourself.
6. Never give up on your dreams.
7. Don't be afraid to say "No".
8. Don't be afraid to say "Yes".
9. Be kind to yourself.
10. Let go of what you can't control.
11. Stay away from drama and negativity.
12. LOVE. Love yourself. Love others without judgement. ~ Posted on Theta Healing.
949. Only through imitation do we develop toward originality. ~ John Steinbeck.
950. The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart. ~ Josiah G. Holland.
951. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two. ~ Norman Wisdom.
952. ABC's of Ageing Gracefully ~ From Courage in Stone.com.
|Avoid Collagen||Bloom Late||Celebrate|
|Dance at Weddings||Eat More Chocolate||Fall in Love Again|
|Go Grey||Hold Hands||Inspire|
|Jettison Grudges||Kiss Like You Mean It||Laugh|
|Mend Fences||Nurture Friendships||Open Doors|
|Perspire with Aplomb||Quit Whining||Rekindle Romance|
|Spoil Babies||Teach Someone to Read||Upset Convention|
|Volunteer||Wear Red||eXpect Joy|
953. The ABC's of the Good Life: Action, Belief, Curiosity, Discipline, Energy & Friends. YouTube video, 15:29 min. Published by Conor Neill, Jun 4, 2018.
|Accept Differences||Be Kind||Count Your Blessings|
|Give Freely||Harm No One||Imagine More|
|Jettison Anger||Keep Confidence||Love Truly|
|Master Something||Nurture Hope||Open Your Mind|
|Pack Lightly||Quell Rumors||Reciprocate|
|Seek Wisdom||Touch Hearts||Understand|
|Value Truth||Win Graciously||Xeriscape *|
|Yearn for Peace||Zealously Support|
a Worthy Cause
* Xeriscape: "Derived from the Greek xeros meaning 'dry,' the term means literally 'dry landscape' ... xeriscape landscaping needn't be limited to desert plants ... Rather, the practice allows you to use the plants you want, but insists on common-sense measures that will help conserve water ..."
954. Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself. ~ Harvey Fierstein.
955. Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~ Mark Twain.
956. Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. ~ Albert Einstein.
957. Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor. ~ Sholom Aleichem.
958. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. ~ John F. Kennedy.
959. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. ~ Unknown.
960. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. ~ Mark Twain.
961. If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. ~ Albert Einstein.
962. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~ Isaac Asimov.
963. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. ~ Steven Wright.
964. A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's; she changes it more often. ~ Oliver Herford.
965. If you stop advertising to save money ... you might as well stop your clock to save time!! ~ Echo Germanica, April 2013. No. 4, p. 2.
966. Clever Anagrams - What you get when you re-arrange the same letters:
● Animosity: Is no amity
● Astronomer: Moon starer
● Butterfly: Flutter by
● The centenarians: I can hear ten "tens"
● Coins kept: In Pockets
● A confessional: On a scale of sin
● The countryside: No city dust here
● A decimal point: I'm a dot in place
● Debit card: Bad credit
● Desperation: A rope ends it
● The detectives: Detect thieves
● Dormitory: Dirty room
● Drawback: Backward
● The earthquakes: That queer shake
● Election results: Lies - Let's recount
● Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one
● The Eyes: They see
● Fir cones: Conifers
● A gentleman: Elegant man
● George Bush: He bugs Gore
● Good Friday: Diary of God
● Imprints: Misprint
● Irritable Bowel Syndrome: O my terrible drains below
● Laxative: Exit lava
● Listen: Silent
● Listened: Enlisted
● Lookouts: Outlooks
● Lost in Space: So, let's panic!
● Marching: Charming
● The Morse Code: Here come dots
● Mother's Day: Hey stardom
● Nameless: Salesman
● Overhang: Hangover
● A persecution: I run to escape
● Postmaster: Stamp store
● Presbyterian: Best in prayer
● Schoolmaster: The classroom
● Serfdom: Deforms
● Shotgun: Gunshot
● Slot machines: Cash lost in me
● Snooze alarms: Alas! No more Z's
● Statue of Liberty: Built to stay free
● Thinker: Rethink
● Tom Cruise: So I'm Cuter
● Toneless: Noteless
● United Arab Emirates: But I'm in a desert area
● Viewers: Reviews
● See also: Anagram Scramble. WordMantra Word Descrambler
967. The budget should be balanced, the treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance. ~ Cicero, 55 BC.
● In place of the above Internet eRumor is the actual quote: The arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome fall. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 - 43 BC).
968. Actual bank robbery in Detroit. Absolutely priceless. Video. 0:34 min.
969. Two signs at a Taco restaurant:
● Sign #1: Sorry, we are CLOSED due to short staff.
● Sign #2: Hire taller staff cause I need a taco!
Go to #1000 to see more FUNNY SIGNS
970. Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace. ~ Dalai Lama.
971. Never miss a good chance to shut up. ~ Will Rogers.
972. Everything will be alright in the end; so, if it's not alright, it's not yet the end. ~ Saying from India - Quote from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011 film).
973. Friendship should not be thought of as something we get, it is something we give. ~ Unknown.
● Good friends are like the rare jewels of life, difficult to find and impossible to replace. ~ Unknown.
● Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows. ~ Euripides.
974. Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting. ~ Elizabeth Bibesco.
975. Seeing through is rarely seeing into. ~ Elizabeth Bibesco.
976. You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
977. I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
978. He who cannot lie does not know what the truth is. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
979. Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
980. Great intellects are skeptical. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
981. Love is a state in which a man sees things most decidedly as they are not. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche.
982. If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him. ~ Voltaire.
983. As long as people believe in absurdities, they will continue to commit atrocities. ~ Voltaire.
984. It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere. ~ Voltaire.
985. It is better to risk saving a guilty man than to condemn an innocent one. ~ Voltaire.
986. The tongue, like a sharp knife ... Kills without drawing blood. ~ Buddha.
987. Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~ Buddha.
988. Work to live, don't live to work. ~ Hank Kimball, Hooterville's County Agent, Character from "Green Acres" (1960s).
989. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. ~ Oscar Wilde.
● Don't let your emotions play with your intelligence. (Facts over feelings). ~ Alex Ferman.
990. Love me without fear. Trust me without questioning. Need me without demanding. Want me without restrictions. Accept me without change. Desire me without inhibitions. ~ Dick Sutphen.
991. There are signs that Allah will grant victory to Islam in Europe without swords, without guns, without conquest. We don't need terrorists, we don't need homicide bombers. The 50+ million Muslims [in Europe] will turn it into a Muslim continent within a few decades. ~ Muammar al-Gaddafi.
● See Muslim Demographics. YouTube video, 7:31 min.
● See also Muslim Demographics from Snopes.com.
● 2.2 Billion: World's Muslim Population Doubles by Hannamayj, from Time.com.
● The Future of World Religion (in 2050) Published on Jul 22, 2015 by The Daily Conversation.
992. What happens if a politician drowns in a river? That is pollution.
What happens if all of them drown? That is solution. ~ Unknown.
993. You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. ~ Edwin Louis Cole.
994. Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~ Nikita Khrushchev.
995. Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer.
996. Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~ Doug Larson.
997. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.
998. A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination. ~ Nelson Mandela.
999. The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. ~ William Arthur Ward.
I have an idea for a chain of Elvis steak houses. It will be for people who love meat tender.
● Just saw Elvis at the hardware store ... Returned a sander!
1000. Posted Signs and Notices from Around the World:
● Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES
● Cocktail lounge in Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR
● In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN
● Dry cleaners in Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS
Then and Now Mens Pants
Image source: Ties.com & Vocal.media
"I learned how to pull mine up"
Image source: RealFunny.net
"... the origin of sagging pants can be traced back to the American prison system, wherein the inmates were not allowed to wear belts or shoestrings, which could be used as potential weapons during fights, or to commit suicide." ~ MenWit.
● On an electrician's truck:
LET US REMOVE YOUR SHORTS
● Hotel in Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID
● Hotel in Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID
● In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS
● A Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME
● In a laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES.
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
● Advertisement in UK: FOR SALE BY OWNER.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100.
● In the window of a dry cleaner's:
SAME DAY DRY CLEANING - ALL GARMENTS READY IN 48 HOURS
● Advertisement: FOR SALE BY OWNER.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ... Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
● In an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE
● Airline ticket office in Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS
● In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER
● On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE
● In a city restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS
● In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES
● In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY
● Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED
● On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR
● Sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE
● Sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
● Hotel in Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE
● Sign in an Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"
● In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
● Sign in a London pizza parlour:
OPEN 24 HOURS - EXCEPT 2 A.M. - 8 A.M.
● Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
● Advertisement in UK: FOR SALE BY OWNER.
COMPLETE SET OF ENCYCLOPÆDIA BRITANNIA, 45 VOLUMES. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
● On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
● Outside an Everett Vacuum store:
EVERYTHING WE SELL SUCKS
● In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
● In another office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
● Outside a furniture shop:
OUR MOTTO: WE PROMISE YOU THE LOWEST PRICES AND WORKMANSHIP
● Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
● In a dental office:
BE TRUE TO YOUR TEETH OR THEY WILL BE FALSE TO YOU
● Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
● Sign in a picture shop:
LET US PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE AND FRAME YOU
● Notice in restaurant:
OUR CUTLERY IS NOT MEDICINE SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT AFTER MEALS
● Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
● Sign on a newly painted bench:
WET PAINT - WATCH IT OR WEAR IT
● On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
● A sign in a shoe repair store in Vancouver:
WE WILL HEEL YOU
WE WILL SAVE YOUR SOLE
WE WILL EVEN DYE FOR YOU
● Sign over a gynecologist's office
DR. GEORGE, AT YOUR CERVIX
● At an eye clinic:
IF YOU DON'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE
● On a plumber's truck:
WE REPAIR WHAT YOUR HUSBAND FIXED
● In a non-smoking area:
IF WE SEE SMOKE, WE WILL ASSUME YOU ARE ON FIRE AND WILL TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION
● On a maternity room door:
PUSH. PUSH. PUSH.
● At a car dealership:
THE BEST WAY TO GET BACK ON YOUR FEET - MISS A CAR PAYMENT
● At the electric company:
WE WOULD BE DELIGHTED IF YOU SEND IN YOUR PAYMENT ON TIME. HOWEVER, IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL BE DE-LIGHTED.
● In a restaurant window:
DON'T STAND THERE AND BE HUNGRY
COME ON IN AND GET FED UP
● Sign on the back of septic tank truck:
CAUTION: THIS TRUCK IS FULL OF POLITICAL PROMISES
● On a plumber's truck:
DON'T SLEEP WITH A DRIP
CALL YOUR PLUMBER
● Outside a muffler shop:
NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY
WE HEAR YOU COMING
● In the front yard of a funeral home:
● Sign at a church:
HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS
TEXT WHILE DRIVING IF YOU WANT TO MEET HIM
● A sign on a blinds and curtain truck:
BLIND MAN DRIVING
● In a podiatrist's office:
TIME HEELS ALL WOUNDS
● On a septic tank truck:
YESTERDAY'S MEALS ON WHEELS
● Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
● At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
INVITE US TO YOUR NEXT BLOWOUT
● At a propane filling station:
THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE GRILLS
● In a Chicago radiator shop:
BEST PLACE IN TOWN TO TAKE A LEAK
● In a veterinarian's waiting room:
BE BACK IN 5 MINUTES
1001. My socks got really holy ... I can only wear them to church. ~ Unknown.
1002. If you spend your day in a well, can you say that your day was well-spent? ~ Unknown.
1003. I Googled "how to start a wildfire". I got 47,100,000 matches in 0.54 seconds. ~ Unknown.
1004. A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are gross!" I said, "People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer." ~ Unknown.
1005. Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I. ~ Short-funny.com.
1006. I have no home, I haven't got control, I can't see any escape. Way past the time I got a new keyboard. ~ Short-funny.com.
1007. What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits! ~ Unknown.
1008. Can February March? No, but April May. ~ Unknown.
1009. Whoever said "nothing is impossible" clearly never tried slamming a revolving door. ~ Unknown.
● If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible? ~ Unknown.
1010. If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches? ~ Unknown.
1011. There is no exception to the rule that every rule has an exception. ~ James Thurber.
1012. Life is too short to be anything but happy. (From a German saying: Das Leben ist zu kurz, um nicht glücklich zu sein.) ~ Unknown.
You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy. ~ Jane Marczewski, aka Nightbirde.
No one is happy unless he respects himself. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1013. We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Diary.
1014. It is worse for a liar to tell the truth than for a lover of truth to lie. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Ethics.
1015. One death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic. ~ Joseph Stalin.
Der Tod eines Menschen ist eine Tragödie, der Tod von Millionen eine Statistik. (In German).
1016. There is no true truth only false truth, therefore the truth is false as in true. ~ Anonymous.
1017. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4:00 am. It could be a right number. ~ Unknown.
1018. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. ~ Reba McEntire.
1019. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. ~ Margaret Mead.
1020. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~ Lana Turner.
1021. Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts. ~ E. B. White.
1022. It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance. ~ Thomas Sowell.
1023. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~ Don Marquis.
1024. Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. ~ Abraham Lincoln.
1025. Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. ~ Bill Maher.
1026. I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. ~ Bertrand Russell.
1027. All generalizations are false, including this one. ~ Mark Twain.
1028. One picture is worth 1,000 denials. - Ronald Reagan.
1029. To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueler than I've been to me. ~ Alanis Morissette.
1030. Fear is only as deep as the mind allows. ~ Japanese proverb.
● Be greedy when others are fearful, and fearful when others are greedy. ~ Warren Buffett.
1031. Life is a foreign language. All men mispronounce it. ~ Christopher Morley.
1032. If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot. ~ Unknown.
1033. It is better to be approximately right than precisely wrong. ~ Warren Buffett, The Essays of Warren Buffett: Lessons for Corporate America.
1034. Don't insist on your rights, don't blame each other, don't judge or condemn each other, don't find fault with each other, but accept each other as you are, and forgive each other every day from the bottom of your hearts. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison.
1035. There is meaning in every journey that is unknown to the traveler. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
1036. Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship.
1037. Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
1038. Time is the most valuable thing that we have, because it is the most irrevocable. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison.
1039. Stay away from anger. It hurts only you and nobody else. If you are right, then there is no need to get angry. If you are wrong, then you don't have any right to get angry. ~ Buddha quote.
● Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha quote.
1040. He who wants to accomplish finds a way. He who doesn't, finds an excuse. ~ Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos in Baldo (Cartoon) - From Quotations - Volume 5.
1041. One can give a reason for everything. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy.
1042. Only he who believes is obedient, and only he who is obedient believes. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship.
1043. One act of obedience is worth a hundred sermons. ~ Deitrich Bonhoeffer.
1044. Words and hearts should be handled with care, for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest things to repair. ~ Unknown.
1045. German Proverbs from 21 Inspiring German Proverbs for German Learners by Nick Schäferhoff: (Go to the site to see detailed explanations of meanings of these proverbs).
1. Aller Anfang ist schwer. English: All beginnings are hard.
2. Des Teufels liebstes Möbelstück ist die lange Bank. English: The devil's favorite piece of furniture is the long bench.
(In German, putting something on the "long bench" means putting it off).
3. Wer rastet, der rostet. English: He who rests grows rusty.
4. Anfangen ist leicht, Beharren eine Kunst. English: Starting is easy, persistence is an art.
5. Aus Schaden wird man klug. English: Failure makes smart.
6. Das Billige ist immer das Teuerste. English: The cheapest is always the most expensive.
7. Du siehst den Wald vor lauter Bäumen nicht. English: You don't see the forest for all the trees.
8. Erst denken, dann handeln. English: First think, then act.
9. Eile mit Weile. English: Make haste with leisure. (Take time to smell the roses).
10. Kümmere Dich nicht um ungelegte Eier. English: Don't worry about eggs that haven't been laid yet.
11. Krummes Holz gibt auch gerades Feuer. English: Crooked logs also make straight fires.
Similar to quote from Theodore Roosevelt: Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
12. Man muss die Dinge nehmen, wie sie kommen. English: You have to take things the way they come.
13. Morgenstund hat Gold im Mund. English: The morning hour has gold in its mouth. (Early bird catches the worm).
14. Selbst ist der Mann. Selbst ist die Frau. English: Yourself is the man. Yourself is the woman. (If you want something done, you have to do it yourself).
15. Taten sagen mehr als Worte. English: Actions say more than words.
16. Übung macht den Meister. English: Practice is what makes a master.
17. Wer zwei Hasen auf einmal jagt bekommt keinen. English: He who chases two rabbits at once will catch none.
18. Wer A sagt, muss auch B sagen. English: He who says A also has to say B. (If you commit to something, commit to it all the way).
19. Wenn der Reiter nichts taugt, ist das Pferd schuld. English: If the rider is no good, it's the horse's fault.
20. Der Hunger kommt beim Essen. English: Appetite emerges while eating.
21. Dienst ist Dienst und Schnaps ist Schnaps. English: Work is work and liquor is liquor. (There's light at the end of the tunnel).
1046. The main facts in human life are five: birth, food, sleep, love and death. ~ E.M. Forster.
1047. Those who think there is a time limit when grieving, have never lost a piece of their heart. ~ Note posted by David Dowell's sister Hannah on Facebook.
David Dowell passed away as a result of salmonella poisoning, possibly caused by the gecko that he ate. From Queensland, Australia, David would have turned 35 in June 2019 but he was tragically ripped away from his partner of 15 years and three daughters 10 days after he was dared to eat a gecko at a Christmas party on December 1, 2018.
1048. When it comes to grieving, there are no shoulds or oughts, that it is different for everyone, that you are allowed to feel what you feel, when you want to feel it. We do not grieve by a rule book. ~ Rebecca Abrams, When Parents Die.
1049. The capacity to love requires the necessity to mourn when someone you love dies. ~ Dr. Alan Wolfelt.
1050. I'm still here, please don't mourn for me,
I'm still here, though you don't see.
I'm right by your side each night and day,
and within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone, but I'm always near.
I'm everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I'll never depart,
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I'll never wander out of your sight,
I'm the brightest star on a summer night.
I'll never be beyond your reach,
I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach.
I'm the colorful leaves, when fall comes around,
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond,
the clear cool water in a quiet pond.
I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in the spring,
the first warm raindrop that April will bring.
I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you'll see that the face in the moon is mine.
When you start thinking there's no one to love you,
you can talk to me through the Lord above you.
I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep,
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I'm the smile you see on a baby's face.
Just look for me, I'm everyplace!
~ Obituary of Manuel Soares.
Sunrise June 11, 1937 Arrifes, Portugal.
Sunset December 6, 2010 Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
1051. For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one. ~ Kahlil Gibran.
1052. There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us ... the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
1053. On "Companioning" the Bereaved by Dr. Alan Wolfelt:
● 1. Companioning is about being present to another person's pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
● 2. Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.
● 3. Companioning is about honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on the intellect.
● 4. Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.
● 5. Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about judging or directing these struggles.
● 6. Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading or being led.
● 7. Companioning means discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it does not mean filling up every moment with words.
● 8. Companioning the bereaved is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
● 9. Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
● 10. Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
● 11. Companioning is about curiosity; it is not about expertise. ~ Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., Center for Loss & Life Transition.
Note: A shortened version of Companioning the Bereaved is available at the Coping Centre.
See also: How to Help Grieving People by Roslyn Crichton, ed. by Wendy Lindsay.
1054. The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love. ~ Hilary Stanton Zunin.
1055. When we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind. ~ Anonymous.
1056. Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love. ~ Unknown.
1057. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. ~ Unknown.
1058. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. ~ Helen Keller.
1059. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~ Kahlil Gibran.
● There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery. ~ Dante.
● The pain of missing you is a beautiful reminder of the joy of loving you. ~ Dean Jackson.
1060. There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief. ~ Aeschylus.
● When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure. ~ Unknown.
1061. The only way to get over a death is by seeing it as a life completed, instead of a life interrupted. ~ Anonymous.
1062. The death of a beloved is an amputation. ~ C. S. Lewis.
● Death ends a life, not a relationship. ~ Mitch Albom.
● Say not in grief that "he is no more" but in thankfulness that "he was". ~ Hebrew Proverb.
● Deep down inside, we always seek for our departed loved ones. ~ Munia Khan.
● Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream. ~ Euripides.
1063. His death brings new experience to my life - that of a wound that will not heal. ~ Ernst Jünger.
1064. The sorrow we feel when we lose a loved one is the price we pay to have had them in our lives. ~ Rob Liano.
1065. They said ... Time will heal all wounds but they lied. ~ Tilicia Haridat.
1066. Grief's timing is not my timing.
But if I give grief the day,
If I mourn the loss of could have been,
Do I also bury tomorrow's would have been? ~ The Thing to Do with Hearts.
1067. I love you every day. And now I will miss you every day. ~ Mitch Albom.
1068. If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. ~ James O'Barr.
1069. Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day. Unseen, unheard, but always near; so loved, so missed, and so very dear. ~ Anonymous.
● In life, we loved you dearly. In death, we love you still. In our hearts, you hold a place no one else will ever fill. ~ Unknown.
● What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. ~ Helen Keller.
● Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality. ~ Emily Dickinson.
1070. Tears have always been easier to shed than explain. ~ Marty Rubin.
1071. If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.
No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay. ~ Unknown
1072. It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather, we should thank God that such men lived. ~ George S. Patton, Jr.
1073. Grief, I've learned, is just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go. ~ Anonymous.
1074. I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone - you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence. ~ Alyson Noel.
1075. Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve. ~ Earl Grollman.
1076. Nothing that grieves us can be called little; by the external laws of proportion, a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size. ~ Mark Twain, Which Was the Dream?
1077. There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. ~ Washington Irving.
1078. Tears are the silent language of grief. ~ Voltaire.
1079. There is no grief like the grief that does not speak. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
● Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone; his own burden in his own way. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh.
● Grieving doesn't make you imperfect. It makes you human. ~ Sarah Dessen.
1080. Fill not your heart with pain and sorrow,
But remember me in every tomorrow.
Remember the joy, the laughter, the smiles,
I've only gone to rest a little while.
Although my leaving causes pain and grief,
My going has eased my hurt and given me relief.
So dry your eyes and remember me,
Not as I am now, but as I used to be.
Because, I will remember you all
And look on with a smile.
Understand in your hearts,
I've only gone to rest a little while.
As long as I have the love of each of you,
I can live my life in the hearts of all of you. ~ Joey Beighley.
1081. Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye? ~ Unknown.
1082. I Will Wait for You
I will wait for you ...
Though we never had a chance to say goodbye,
remember me ...
When winter snows are falling through a quiet sky,
I'll remember you.
When, in our darkest hour,
you held my hand and prayed I wouldn't go,
but a silent voice called out to me;
my time had come, and I had to travel Home ...
Since then, I know your life has never been the same,
for I visit you each day:
so many times I've felt your pain:
I've watched you cry,
and I've heard you call my name ...
But now, further along life's road I stand
in a timeless world, just beyond your sight,
but waiting for the day when I can take your hand
and bring you across to this Land of Golden Light ...
Till then, remember me, you understand - and try not to cry.
But if you do,
let your tears fall for the happiness and joy we knew,
and for the special love we shared;
for love can never die. ~ Stephen O'Brien.
From Poems for funerals without religion.
1083. All deaths are sudden, no matter how gradual the dying may be. ~ Michael McDowell.
● No matter how prepared you think you are for the death of a loved one, it still comes as a shock, and it still hurts very deeply. ~ Billy Graham.
1084. Grief is the price we pay for love. ~ Queen Elizabeth II.
1085. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~ From a headstone in Ireland.
● Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream. ~ Euripides.
1086. We understand death only after it has placed its hands on someone we love. ~ Anne L. de Stael.
1087. I'm gone now, but I'm still very near, death can never separate us. Each time you feel a gentle breeze, it's my hand caressing your face. Each time the wind blows, it carries my voice whispering your name. When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly, think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place. When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face, it's me placing soft kisses. At night, look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly. I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight. For never forget, you're the apple of my eye. ~ Mary M Green.
1088. At some point you must make a decision to move beyond the denial. If you spend too long denying your loss, you will be unable to move forward with life. ~ GriefShare Daily Emails, Day 18.
1089. You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair. ~ Old Chinese proverb.
1090. On grieving for the loss of a loved one: There is no microwave healing. There's no way you can just zap it, and you're better. God's healing takes time, but morning will come. ~ Barbara Johnson.
1091. There is no wrong way to grieve, provided you're not harming yourself or others. Feelings are the reason we exist; happiness, joy, exhilaration, love, all these things make life worth living. And sadness is part of that. Feeling sadness isn't being weak. It's just part of being alive. ~ thebestatheist, Reddit, May 22, 2020.
1092. A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That's how awful the loss is. ~ Jay Neugeboren, An Orphan's Tale.
1093. There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-2.
1094. A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh because I was too Baroque." See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse. ~ Unknown.
1101. We are all manufacturers. Making good, making trouble, or making excuses. ~ H. V. Adolt.
1102. Don't make excuses, make good. ~ Elbert Hubbard.
1103. If you don't want to do something, one excuse is as good as another. ~ Yiddish Proverb.
1104. Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. ~ Thomas Szasz.
1105. There aren't nearly enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses. ~ Marcus Stroup.
1106. It is easier to find an excuse than to find a reason. ~ Doug Brown.
1107. Turn your excuses into reasons. ~ Unknown.
1108. We have forty million reasons for failure, but not a single excuse. ~ Rudyard Kipling.
1109. Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~ Kimberly Johnson.
1110. He who excuses himself, accuses himself. ~ Gabriel Meurier.
1111. Uncalled for excuses are practical confessions. ~ Charles Simmons.
1112. If you're going to quit anything: Quit being lazy, quit making excuses, and quit waiting for the right time. ~ Unknown.
1113. A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's because she changes it more often. ~ Unknown.
1114. Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away. ~ Laurence J. Peter.
1115. Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman. ~ Maryon Pearson.
Behind every successful woman is herself. ~ Unknown.
1116. In 1816, women had no rights. In 1916, women fought for some right. In 2016, women are always right. ~ Unknown.
1117. A woman may be misinformed, mislead, unclear, misguided, and even downright stupid, but she is never ever wrong. ~ Unknown.
1118. Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. ~ Ray Kroc.
1119. How others see you is not important. How you see yourself means everything. ~ Unknown.
1120. To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow. ~ Audrey Hepburn.
1121. May your heart find peace and tranquility through the healing power of love, hope and light, today and always. ~ Unknown.
1122. Giving is living. If you stop wanting to give, there's nothing more to live for. ~ Audrey Hepburn.
1123. The best thing to hold onto in life is each other. ~ Audrey Hepburn.
1124. When you undervalue what you do, the world will undervalue who you are. ~ Ophrah Winfrey.
1125. One of the hardest things in life to learn are which bridges to cross and which bridges to burn. ~ Ophrah Winfrey.
1126. When people treat you like they don't care, believe them. ~ Ophrah Winfrey.
1127. Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less. ~ Susan B. Anthony.
The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less. ~ Franklin P. Adams.
1128. Educate a man and you educate an individual. Educate a woman and you educate a family. ~ A.Cripps.
1129. If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman. ~ Margaret Thatcher.
1130. Human rights are women's rights and women's rights are human rights, once and for all. ~ Hillary Clinton.
1131. A woman is like a teabag - you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt.
1132. 365 days, 365 new chances. ~ Unknown.
1133. New Year's resolution: Focus on what you WILL do, and not on what you WON'T do. ~ Unknown.
1134. The secret to getting ahead is getting started. ~ Mark Twain.
1135. Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. ~ Robert H. Schuller.
1136. Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. ~ John Wooden.
1137. Don't wait until you're confident to show up. Show up until you're confident. ~ Unknown.
1138. Be a pineapple: Stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside. ~ Unknown.
1139. I guess if you keep making the same mistake long enough, it becomes your style. ~ John Prine (October 10, 1946 - April 7, 2020), an eccentrically off-kilter, brilliant American country folk singer-songwriter, a COVID-19 casualty.
1140. You know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in There, Hello." ~ John Prine.
1140. Think deeply. Speak gently. Love much. Laugh a lot. Work hard. Give freely, and Be kind. ~ Unknown.
1141. Don't wait for inspiration. Become it. ~ Unknown.
1142. If you put bananas and money in front of monkeys, monkeys will choose bananas because monkeys do not know that money can buy a lot of bananas. In reality, if you put money and health in front of people, people tend to choose money because too many people do not know that health can bring more money and happiness. ~ Jack Ma, Billionaire entrepreneur, Co-founder of Alibaba Group.
1143. One world, one fight! Together, we can do this. [Fight to stop coronavirus] ~ Jack Ma, Tech billionaire and philanthropist, April 26, 2020.
1144. Be calm, be kind, be safe. ~ Dr. Bonnie Henry (Canadian physician who is the Provincial Health Officer for British Columbia and Clinical Associate Professor at the University of British Columbia). Comment in relation to COVID-19 Coronavirus Pandemic in 2020.
1145. Breaking News! Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent COVID-19 but to stop eating. ~ Unknown.
● Overeaters Anonymous Hotline - 888-888-8888. ~ Indian Hills Community Center.
1146. What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One's the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis. ~ Unknown.
1147. Last year I was feeling sad, lonely and depressed. I have managed to turn that around this year. Now I'm depressed, lonely and sad. ~ Unknown.
1148. What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late. ~ Unknown.
1149. Finland has just closed it borders ... so now nobody can cross the Finnish line. ~ Unknown.
1150. What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario. ~ Unknown.
1151. Nothing has more strength than dire necessity. ~ Euripides.
1152. Every disaster movie begins with the government ignoring the scientists. ~ Unknown.
1153. The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out. ~ Unknown.
1154. T'was a month before Christmas,
And all through the town,
People wore masks,
That covered their frown.
The frown had begun
Way back in the Spring,
When a global pandemic
They called it corona,
But unlike the beer,
It didn't bring good times,
It didn't bring cheer.
Airplanes were grounded,
Travel was banned.
Borders were closed
Across air, sea and land.
As the world entered lockdown
To flatten the curve,
The economy halted,
And folks lost their nerve.
From March to July
We rode the first wave,
People stayed home,
They tried to behave.
When summer emerged
The lockdown was lifted.
But away from caution,
Many folks drifted.
Now it's November
And cases are spiking,
Wave two has arrived,
Much to our disliking.
It's true that this year
Has had sadness a plenty,
We'll never forget
The year 2020.
And just 'round the corner -
The holiday season,
But why be merry?
Is there even one reason?
To decorate the house
And put up the tree,
Who will see it,
No one but me.
But outside my window,
The snow gently falls,
And I think to myself,
Let's deck the halls!
So, I gather the ribbon,
The garland and bows,
As I play those old carols,
My happiness grows.
Christmas is not cancelled
And neither is hope.
If we lean on each other,
I know we can cope ~ Unknown.
● COVID-19 Coronavirus Pandemic Economic Carols from BMO Focus, Dec 23, 2021.
We Three Ships ~ Sung to the tune of We Three Kings
Supply Tight ~ Sung to the tune of Silent Night
Rockin' Around the Stimulus Tree ~ Sung to the tune of Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
O Little Town of Restrictions ~ Sung to the tune of O Little Town of Bethlehem
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Crypto ~ Sung to the tune of It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
Do They Know It's Tightening Time? ~ Sung to the tune of Do They Know It's Christmas?
O Christmas Tree, How Pricey Are Thy Branches ~ Sung to the tune of O Christmas Tree
I Want a Rapid Testing Kit for Christmas ~ Sung to the tune of I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Maybe This Business ~ Sung to the tune of Maybe This Christmas
Image source: Bits and Pieces
Thought Lady Was a Muppet
Image source: iFunny
Due to cut backs, have to fire Dave
Image source: Axis of Logic
Image source: Las Vegas Review-Journal
COVID-19 Christmas Tree
Image source: Dailymail.co.uk
Sanitized Santa by Dave Granlund
Image source: Tulsa World
Communion during pandemic
Image source: The Libertarian Catholic
Pandemic Haircut in China
Image source: New York Post
1156. Has anybody let the Amish know what's going on yet? ~ thehoeunion, posted on Instagram.
1157. top 10 Funny social distance ideas (crazy social distancing). YouTube video, 4:05 min. Published by Listed, May 22, 2020.
Three Cheers for Social Distancing from New York Times, Mar. 27, 2020. Cheers to Me, Mee and Meee!!! Short video clip, 0:09 min. Source: Enrico Barberis Negra as he was unwinding with a glass of prosecco in his apartment outside of Milan, Italy.
1158. Economies can recover, the dead can't. ~ Helen Clark, former New Zealand prime minister. (In reference to New Zealand's strict nationwide lockdown to combat COVID-19 pandemic).
1159. Hygienic hopper. How to avoid catching COVID when jumping subway gate. ~ Dailymail.co.uk.
1160. The Irony of Current Time (during the height of COVID-19 - Coronavirus Pandemic):
- Never have I seen such a mess in life.
- The air is pure but wearing a mask is mandatory.
- Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and asking for money.
- Those who have money have no way to spend it.
- Those who don't have money have no way to earn it.
- People have clean hands but there is a ban on shaking hands.
- Friends can sit together 6-feet apart but they cannot get together.
- I never thought the comment, "I wouldn't touch him/her with a 6-foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are!
- The spread of COVID-19 is based on 2 things:
1. How dense the population is.
2. How dense the population is.
- Every Monday, the heart longs to go out, but the weekend does not seem to end.
- The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
- This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars and keep men at home!
- 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023: Stay away from positive people.
- Be positive but test negative.
- We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to: "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?"
- Hardly anyone saw a worldwide pandemic happening this year  as most people don't have 2020 vision.
- The cook inside you is crazy, but you cannot call anyone to lunch or dinner.
- I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
- Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well.
- There is enough time on hand but you can't fulfill your dreams.
- The culprit is all around but cannot be seen.
- A world full of irony! ~ Unknown.
No Close Encounters of Any Kind
Image source: Reddit.com
Double Feature Coming Soon:
The Death of the Coronavirus
Image source: Grand Lake Theater
1161. When you find no solution to a problem, it's probably not a problem to be solved, but rather a truth to be accepted. ~ Unknown.
1162. So far, you've survived 100% of your worst days. This too shall pass. ~ Unknown.
I'm so much more than the bad things that happen to me. ~ Jane Marczewski, aka Nightbirde.
I have a 2 percent chance of survival, but 2 percent is not 0 percent ... Two percent is something. ~ Jane Marczewski, aka Nightbirde.
1163. Dream as if you live forever. Live as if you die today. ~ James Dean.
1164. Die Zukunft liegt in deinen Händen. (Translated: The future is in your hands.) ~ German saying.
1165. Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction. ~ Old West Proverb.
1166. Never argue with an idiot. People watching won't be able to tell the difference. ~ Unknown.
1167. When you're a beautiful person on the inside, there is nothing in the world that can change that about you. Jealousy is the result of one's lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. ~ Unknown.
1168. There are a group of people that wake up everyday and go to work to learn nothing, get nowhere and wonder when and how things will ever change. ~ Don Sabatini.
1169. Die Zukunft liegt in deinen Händen. (Translated: The future is in your hands.) ~ German saying.
1170. It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, starts with goodbye. ~ Carrie Underwood.
1171. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. ~ Unknown.
1172. Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
● We get too soon old and too late smart. ~ Sign in a German Restaurant in Toronto.
1173. Three things you can't recover in life: The word after it's said, the moment after it's missed, and the time after it's gone. ~ Unknown.
● Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. ~ Unknown.
1174. Any day above ground is a good day. ~ Robert Gerus.
1175. I can't breathe. ~ George Floyd, 46, a handcuffed and pinned-down-on-the-ground black man who pleaded for air and for his mother but died after Derek Chauvin, a Minneapolis police officer, knelt on his neck for 9 minutes and 29 seconds. May 25, 2020.
1176. The real struggle of the 21st century will not be between civilizations, nor between religions. It will be between violence and nonviolence. It will be between barbarity and civilization in the truest sense of the word. ~ Words of Wisdom, Buddhist Inspiration from Daisaku Ikeda.
1177. Lies travel faster than the truth, particularly in the age of social media. ~ Bill Gates.
1178. I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. ~ Bill Gates.
● Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only #1, 3 and 5 were done. Turns out, he only does odd jobs.
1179. Sign seen on CTV 4 August 2020: Protect Our Oceans. Take Only Pictures. Leave Only Bubbles.
1180. The person who has lived the most is not the one with the most years but the one with the richest experiences. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1181. Man was born free, and he is everywhere in chains. Those who think themselves the masters of others are indeed greater slaves than they.~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1182Freedom is the power to choose our own chains. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1183. Liberty is obedience to the law which one has laid down for oneself. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1184. The one thing we do not know is the limit of the knowable. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1185. Living is not breathing but doing. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1186. Reason deceives us; conscience, never. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1187. Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
● Write your injuries in dust, your benefits in marble. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
● An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult. ~ Lord Chesterfield.
1188. Rather suffer an injustice than commit one. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1189. By doing good, we become good. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1190. One can buy anything with money except morality. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
1191. Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man ~ Title of a book by Mary L. Trump, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and President Trump's only niece. [Book to be released on 28 July 2020] `#Ad
1192. When one with honeyed words but evil mind persuades the mob, great woes befall the state. ~ Euripides.
1193. Here's a good rule of thumb. Looking back through history, whenever you see someone in authority using the Bible to justify law and order, it ends badly. ~ Anthony Kidd, Evangelical Believer, Daphne, Alabama.
1194. When the looting starts, the shooting starts. ~ Walter Everett Headley, Jr., Miami Police Chief, Miami Herald, Dec. 17, 1967.
When the looting starts, the shooting starts. ~ Donald John Trump, President of the United States, Twitter, May 29, 2020.
1195. There is no literature or poetry in this White House ... We are rudderless and joyless ... We have lost so much in so short a time. ~ Elayne Griffin Baker, The Big Con, 17 Sep 2020.
Joseph Goebbels: On the "Big Lie". "The original description of the big lie appeared in Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf. On his use of the big lie, Hitler's primary rules were: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it."
1196. My twitter has become so powerful that I can actually make my enemies tell the truth. ~ Donald Trump.
1197. You have to think anyway, so why not think big? ~ Donald Trump.
● Barron Trump is already 6 feet 7 inches tall even though he only just turned 15. He is the new Trump tower. ~ Lee Brown, New York Post, Jul 8, 2021.
1198. Who would have guessed that a reality TV star with no government experience or knowledge, 6 bankruptcies, 5 kids from 3 different marriages, 11 charges of sexual assault, and 4000 plus lawsuits, could be so bad at being president? ~ Bruce Bacon.
101 Indisputable Facts Proving Donald Trump Is An Idiot: A brief background of the most spectacularly unqualified person to ever occupy the White House by Guy Fawkes, Jun 19, 2018. Kindle Edition. Note: This book wasn't written by Guy Fawkes. He's been dead since 1606. This is a reference book of presidential idiocy compiled by a small gathering of experienced journalists. *Ad.
● Niemand steht über dem Gesetz. ~ German saying.
Translation from German: Nobody is above the law.
● For more serious comments about Trump, see Political parties - United States, Republican Party (U.S.) e.g. Why Is Donald Trump So Appealing to So Many People? Four Reasons Republicans Love Trump.
● Donald J. Trump: The Greatest President In History of All Time. "Donald J. Trump: the greatest at commanding, wall-building, the environment, uniting, wall-building, and speeching." An RNC biopic narrated by Jeffrey Wright, The Daily Show, Aug 27, 2020.
● The Trump legacy by Daniel W. Drezner, PostEverything, Washington Post, Jan, 20, 2021. "Are there positive accomplishments the Trump administration can take credit for? Sure. Every administration has their concrete achievements. Trump got some small concessions from the Universal Postal Union. The criminal justice bill was pretty good. A few more countries recognize Israel's right to exist than before."
● Trump's Top 10 accomplishments of 2020 (Opinion) by Express-Times guest columnist, Steve Cortes, lehighvalleylive.com, Easton, Pa, Jan. 1, 2021.
● Letter: Trump's accomplishments since 2016. Letters to the Editor at the New Hampshire Union Leader, Dec. 20, 2020. Letter from Nick De Mayo, Sugar Hill, NH - a town with a population of 563 at the 2010 census.
1199. Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them "anxious." And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them "Canadian." ~ Conan O'Brien.
1200. For evil to flourish, all that is needed is for good people to do nothing. ~ Edmund Burke.
1201. What you allow is what will continue. ~ Unknown.
1202. The popular QAnon hashtag, #WWG1WGA stands for: "Where We Go One, We Go All". ~ What is the QAnon conspiracy theory? CBS News, 29 Sep. 2020.
1203. Donald has attacked every person of color - except John Boehner. ~ Joe Biden.
● You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity. ~ Jay Leno.
1204. What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate. ~ Donald Trump.
1205. Show me someone with no ego and I'll show you a big loser. ~ Donald Trump and Meredith McIver How to Get Rich, 2004.
1206. The beauty of me is that I'm very rich. ~ Donald Trump.
● I'm proud of my net worth; I've done an amazing job ... The total is $8,737,540,000 USD. I'm not doing that to brag, because you know what, I don't have to brag. ~ Donald Trump, circa June 2015.
● Note: "Trump is ... fond of inventing numbers to describe how rich he is. Virtually every number he's ever quoted for his personal wealth is inaccurate by several billion dollars." ~ Richard Stockton, All That's Interesting.
● The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively. ~ Bob Marley.
● Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing. ~ Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray.
● Price is what you pay, value is what you get. ~ Warren Buffett.
● Don't educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things and not the price. ~ Steve Jobs.
● STEVE JOBS' LAST WORDS. YouTube video, 4:34 min. Published by Channel N - TV, Apr 17, 2020.
1207. Money has never made man happy, nor will it; there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
1208. What money cannot buy: ability to forgive, ability to tell the truth, character, common sense, conscience, contentment, decency, devotion, empathy, friendship, genuine goodness, good memory, happiness, health, physical body height (exception), high or low IQ, honesty, ideal DNA, inner peace, insanity, integrity, intelligence, kindness, life, love, loyalty, manners, morality, patience, personality, respect, self-esteem (maybe), sense of humor, sincerity, stupidity, time, tranquility, trust, and wisdom. ~ I. Davenport.
1209. It's freezing and snowing in New York - we need global warming! ~ Donald Trump.
1210. I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. ~ Donald Trump.
1211. Apologizing is a great thing, but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize sometime hopefully in the distant future if I'm ever wrong. ~ Donald Trump.
1212. It's not surprising that a criminal like Trump pardons other criminals. But apparently to get a pardon, one has to be either a Republican, a convicted child murderer or a turkey. ~ Senior U.S. District Judge Robert Pratt of the Southern District of Iowa, Dec 28, 2020.
See Political parties - United States for more serious remarks about Donald Trump.
1213. Say what you will about Trump, he is not stupid. He is a smart man with a deep understanding of what stupid people want. ~ Andy Borowitz.
1214. What you're seeing and what you're reading is not what's happening. ~ Donald Trump, July 24, 2018.
● I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose voters. ~ Donald Trump.
1215. Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump - 51 Following, 88.7M Followers. Account suspended. Twitter suspends accounts that violate the Twitter Rules. ~ 8 Jan. 2021.
● Trump violated Twitter's "42,000 strikes and you're out" policy. ~ Ish@Ish, Twitter Web App, 8 Jan. 2021.
● What a day to be alive.
● "What began in May 2009, and consisted of a 57,000 Tweet library of mostly incoherent nonsense, has officially come to an end. Regardless of which side of the aisle you're on, you've gotta be a little glad this carnival show is over. Or a lot glad. He did, after all, cause the deaths of supporters and first responders alike this week. If that doesn't deserve a ban from a social media site, I don't know what does." ~ Ruin My Week, 8 Jan. 2021.
● Let that be a lesson, if you send a mob to kill congress, 3 days later you could lose one of your social media handles. ~ Zack Bornstein @ZackBornstein.
● Twitter users also took social media to task for enabling Trump and profiting off of his toxic fan base. After all, these sites have basically watched our house burn for 4 years before rushing into the dying embers to save a melted spoon. This is not the brave and righteous stand you think it is. ~ Jack Dorsey.
● We've been dealing with the bad consequences of a lunatic with unchecked power and a megaphone for 5 years. Yesterday his superfans committed an act of domestic terrorism ... Taking him off Twitter (finally) is not the sign of the apocalypse. It's late, it's the bare minimum. ~ Shinygirl.
● To anyone complaining about a private media company kicking Trump off their platform: Think of Twitter as a Christian bakery and Trump as a gay wedding cake. ~ John Smith Chicago, @JohnSmithChgo, #BanTrumpFromTwitter.
● Do you have my TikTok password? ~ Mo Ryan @moryan, 9 Jan, 2021.
● Doesn't anyone have an account I can use? ~ Tom Zohar @TomZohar, 8 Jan. 2021. (Trump trying to get White House staffers to let him use their Twitter accounts).
1216. Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore. ~ Unknown.
1217. Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
1218. There is usually only a limited amount of damage that can be done by dull or stupid people. For creating a truly monumental disaster, you need people with high IQs. ~ Thomas Sowell.
● I'm a very stable genius. ~ Donald Trump, NATO Summit, Jul 12, 2018.
1219. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. ~ Albert Einstein.
1220. The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom. ~ Isaac Asimov.
1221. You're never too old to learn something stupid. ~ From Paraprosdokians - English Forums.
1222. Against stupidity we are defenseless. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
1223. Das Problem dieser Welt ist, dass die intelligenten Menschen so voller Selbstzweifel und die Dummen so voller Selbstvertrauen sind. ~ Ch. Bukowski.
Translation from German: The problem in this world is that the intelligent people are so full of self-doubt and the stupid are so full of self-confidence.
1224. Don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am, and my attitude depends on who you are. ~ Unknown.
1225. You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~ C.S. Lewis.
1226. No matter how much a snake sheds skin, it's still a snake. ~ Unknown.
1227. Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. ~ 1 Corinthians 13 1.
1228. When I was in the military, they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one. ~ A gay Vietnam veteran. (Epitaph: Never again 6 July 1943 - Never forget 22 June 1988).
1229. Never forget the 3 types of people in your life:
1. Those who helped you in your difficult times;
2. Those who left you in your difficult times; and
3. Those who put you in your difficult times. ~ Unknown.
1230. No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are, how you treat people ultimately tells. Integrity is everything. ~ Unknown.
● In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if they don't have the first, the other two will kill you. ~ Warren Buffet.
1231. The truth doesn't cost anything, but a lie could cost you everything. ~ Unknown.
1232. All governments lie. ~ I.F. Stone (critiquing official U.S. statements on "progress" of Vietnam War, 1965).
1233. A lie will gallop halfway round the world before the truth has time to pull its breeches on. ~ Cordell Hull, US Secretary of State, 1948.
● In 2020, a lie circles the world countless times before the truth has a chance to hit "Post." ~ Jackson Ryan, Science Editor, CNET, Sydney.
1234. Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. ~ Unknown.
1235. Always know the difference between what you're getting and what you deserve. ~ Unknown.
1236. Strong women don't have attitudes, they have standards. ~ Unknown.
1237. It's amazing how fast someone can become a stranger. ~ Unknown.
1238. One of the hardest lessons in life to learn is figuring out which bridges to cross and which to burn. ~ Unknown.
1239. When you're happy, you enjoy the music. When you're sad, you understand the lyrics. ~ Unknown.
1240. Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. ~ Unknown.
1241. What is luxury?
They made us believe that luxury was the rare, the expensive, the exclusive, everything that seemd unattainable ...
Now, we realize that luxury were those little things that we did not know how to value when we had them and now that they are gone, we miss them so much ...
Luxury is being healthy.
Luxury is not stepping into a hospital.
Luxury is being able to walk along the seashore.
Luxury is going out on the streets and breathing without a mask.
Luxury is meeting with your whole family, with your friends.
Luxury are the looks.
Smiles are luxury.
Luxury are hugs and kisses.
Luxury is enjoying every sunrise.
Luxury is the privilege of loving and being alive.
All this is a luxury and we did not know ...
Stay blessed. Stay grateful. ~ Unknown.
1242. From error to error one discovers the entire truth. ~ Sigmund Freud.
1243. Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. ~ Rumi.
1244. It's not what we have in life, but WHO we have in our life that matters. ~ J.M. Lawrence.
1245. Relationships are like birds. If you hold tightly, they die. If you hold loosely, they fly. But if you hold with care, they remain with you forever. ~ Unknown.
1246. Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder ~ Rumi.
1247. You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? ~ Rumi.
1248. Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation. ~ Rumi.
1249. Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love. ~ Rumi.
1250. It's your road, and yours alone, others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you. ~ Rumi.
1251. The root of suffering is attachment. ~ Buddha.
1252. The tongue like a sharp knife ... kills without drawing blood. ~ Buddha.
1253. The scariest moment is always just before you start. ~ Stephen King.
1254. An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory. ~ Friedrich Engels.
1255. Diligence is the mother of good fortune. ~ Miguel de Cervantes.
1256. If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary. ~ Jim Rohn.
1257. The art of conversation lies in listening. ~ Malcolm Forbes.
● Everyone wants to be heard but no one wants to listen. ~ Julie Garrison.
1258. What a different world this would be if people would listen to those who know more and not merely try to get something from those who have more. ~ William J.H. Boetcker.
1259. The individual activity of one man with backbone will do more than a thousand men with a mere wishbone. ~ William J.H. Boetcker.
1260. A satisfied life is better than a successful life because our success is measured by others, but our satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind and heart. ~ Unknown.
1261. Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. ~ Sonia Ricotti.
1262. The secret to living well and longer is: eat half, walk double, laugh triple, and love without measure. ~ Tibetan proverb.
1263. It's better to have a friend with two chins than to have a friend with two faces. ~ Unknown.
1264. We forget that waking up each day is the first thing we should be grateful for. ~ Mindy Butler.
1265. Close Call. Video, 1:42 min. Compiled from clips gathered Nov. 7 - 28, 2018.
● Every soul has guardian angels. ~ Quran or Koran, Chapter 86:4.
● All God's angels come to us disguised. ~ James Russell Lowell.
● God sends angels with special orders to protect you wherever you go, defending you from all harm.
For he shall give his angels charge over thee,
To keep thee in all thy ways.
For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. ~ Psalms 91:11.
● The nicest place to be is in someone's thoughts,
The safest place to be is in someone's prayers, and the very best place to be is ...
In the hands of God.
May God bless you every day of your life.
1266. A life not lived for others is not a life. ~ Mother Teresa.
● The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. ~ Alex Ferman.
1267. Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly. ~ Mother Teresa.
1268. Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. ~ Mother Teresa.
1269. Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. ~ Mother Teresa.
1270. What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness? ~ Unknown.
1271. You can accomplish by kindness what you cannot by force. ~ Unknown.
1272. The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved. ~ Mother Teresa.
1273. It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving. ~ Mother Teresa.
1274. When you judge someone you have no time to love them. ~ Mother Teresa.
1275. Love means to be willing to give until it hurts. ~ Mother Teresa.
1276. If you give what you do not need, it is not giving. ~ Mother Teresa.
1277. Live simply so others may simply live. ~ Mother Teresa.
1278. Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are. ~ Unknown.
1279. I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. ~ Stephen Grellet.
1280. Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. ~ Mother Teresa.
1281. One child, one teacher, one book, one pen can change the world. ~ Malala Yousafzai.
1282. In time of test, family is best. ~ Burmese Proverb.
1283. A family is not an important thing, it's everything. ~ Michael J. Fox.
1284. Remember, it's very important that you not ignore your family while you're working in politics because, after everything is done, all you have left is your family. ~ Aline Chretien to Peter Donolo, Director of Communications in the office of Prime Minister Jean Chrétien, 1993. Aline was Jean Chretien's wife who passed away at age 84 on September 13, 2020, 3 days after their 63rd Wedding Anniversary. She was Chretien's confidante and most trusted adviser, his "Rock of Gibraltar," as he always called her.
See photo of Hon. Jean Chretien (Minister of Indian Affairs and Northern Development), with Hettie Sylvester, Irene Davenport, and Chief Rodney Monague of Christian Island Indian Reserve. Photo taken by Mildred Redmond, C.M., ca. 1969.
● Familiar Quotations: A Collection of Passages, Phrases, and Proverbs Traced to Their Sources in Ancient and Modern Literature compiled by John Bartlett.
● Brainy Quote. Huge collection of Famous Quotes, Quote of the Day, Topics, Authors, Pictures, Words, Quiz, Professions, Birthdays.
● LibQuotes. 100% Sourced Quotations. Categories include: Authors (with images and brief bio), Topics, Lists, and Pictures (quotation banners and posters). Useful resources include a selection of reliable quotation books and websites.
● Notable Quotes.
● Puns from Reader's Digest.
● 67 Hilarious Reasons Why The English Language Is The Worst.
● Clean Women Jokes.
● Clean Men Jokes.
● 300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud by Quincy Seale.
● Omniglot: Proverbs and sayings. Idioms and sayings in various languages. Tongue twisters in many languages Selections by Simon Ager.
● Examples of Idioms.
● The Quotations Page includes Quotes of the Day, Motivational Quotes, Random Quotes.
● Quote Dark. Bringing Quotations out of the Dark. Explore famous quotations. Categories include: Top 250 quotes, Random, Life, Inspirational, Funny, and Love Quotes. You can also Explore Quotes by Authors.
● The Quote Garden: A Harvest of Quotations for Word Lovers.
● Quote Investigator. This website records the investigatory work of Garson O'Toole who diligently seeks the truth about quotations.
● 20 Great Medieval Quotes.
● 20 English Proverbs that originated in the Middle Ages.
● Collection of Jokes.
● List of Funny Puns.
● List of the Funniest Jokes.
● Random Quotes.
● Bartleby Quotations.
Familiar Quotations 10th ed, 1919.
Forty Thousand Quotations: Prose and Poetical, 1917
Grocott's Familiar Quotations, 6th ed. 1890's.
Dictionary of Quotations, 1899.
Hoyt's New Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations, 1922.
Prose Quotations from Socrates to Macaulay, 1880.
Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations, 1989.
Familiar Short Sayings of Great Men, 1989.
Proverbs, Maxims and Phrases of All Ages, 1887.
English Proverbs and Proverbial Phrases, 1907.
Curiosities in Proverbs, 1916.
A Dictionary of Similes, 1916.
● Short-Funny.com. Short and Funny Jokes! Hilarious One Liners!
● This Day in Quotes. Famous quotations and phrases linked to each day of the year. Search Index by Date, Index of Quotes by Category or Topic (A-Z).
● Unbelievable Facts.
2 Feet of Snow Fell
This Morning in Canada
Snow in Utterson ON
Nov 30, 2011